Friday, March 13, 2009

The Ides of March, The Rest of the Story

March 15 is the Ides of March. The infamous date of Julius Caesar's assassination is locked into time in the year 44 B.C. There were a number of events that occurred years earlier that would converge and on 3/15/-44 to make Julius famous forever. It was much, much later that his fame would ascend to a higher plane.


The Roman government of the time was quite refined, long established and stable. The lawmaking process was likewise an evolved practice, with an involved citizenry being a vital part of the process. This process had evolved over the 450 years since the Romans had last endured the rule of a king. Seems that old Julius Caesar wasn't monitoring the trends very closely. His countrymen didn't really go for royalty.


So, Julie was an opportunist and self promoter and it was working for him. At 22, he won an award for saving a life in battle. A couple of years later,he was kidnapped and held for ransom. He joked with his captors that they weren't asking a high enough ransom, and they treated him well, big buddies and pals, sure. After he was released, he tracked down his captors and killed them all.


At age 30-31, when he aunt and then his wife croaked, he used the eulogies to make a point of informing everyone that he was descended from royalty on his mother's side and from the gods on his father's side. A year or two later he won a Senate seat and parlayed that into an appointment as a general.


Over the next few years he won higher offices, largely on the strength of promoting his candidacy with promotional games for the electorate. He financed his campaigns borrowing from relatives. At around age 41 he headed off and spent nine years conquering most of central Europe, fighting during the summer only, very cool. He wintered in northern Italy and dabbled in politics.


By the end of the wars, Caesar's political alliances crumbled and he ended up at odds with his former partner, Pompey. He and Pompey met in battle, and Pompey had him outmanned, 40,000 to 21,000, but Caesar kicked Pompey's butt.



At age 54, he returned to Rome and brought back Cleopatra as his main squeeze., Julie had nailed Cleo a couple years earlier and now they had a son. He rocked on for a couple of years and ruled the Roman empire, and at age 56 had himself named Emperor for Life, a title that sounds like a runaround way of being king.

Well, you go kicking people's arses all over the world and putting down internal rebellions and wiping out a lot of people and climbing over their carcasses to elevate yourself and you're bound to make a few enemies, even before the Emperor for Life thing. On March 15, 44 B.C. a group of conspirator senators attacked him and stabbed him to death. This is where his dying gasp included "et tu, Brutus", sort of stating the obvious.


Mark Antony took Caesar's job and took Cleopatra, too.


1600 years later, Shakespeare wrote Julius Caesar and had the soothsayer utter the fateful warning "Beware the Ides of March". Bam! A cliche was born.


In 1964, the bass player for the Shon-dels, a garage band from Berwyn, suggested that the band be renamed the Ides of March. He got the idea from reading Julius Caesar in high school.



And now you know...the rest of the story.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Feeling a Bit Flush?

If you get one of these, you may want to wear a life jacket when you take your seat.

http://www.break.com/usercontent/2009/3/This-Toilet-Is-Awesome-680472.html

Reminds me of my late Uncle Norb, the plumber, who was wont to say "Your sh#% is my bread and butter".

A poet, he was.

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Different crap, from the AP:

Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin, the teenage daughter of Gov. Sarah Palin, have broken off their engagement, he said Wednesday, about 2 1/2 months after the couple had a baby.

Never saw this one coming, did you?


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Got a few minutes on your hands? Here's an unusual photo album.

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/ny-liacci-pg,0,4201127.photogallery

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

South Side Irish Parade

This coming Sunday, March 15, about 350,000 people will line the curbs of Western Avenue, starting at 103rd Street and heading south, as the 30th South Side Irish Parade takes place. There will be high school bands, floats, neighborhood groups, boy scouts and girl scouts and thank you, very few politicians. There will be kids in big floppy green hats and cops and firemen and the curly haired little dancers and green bead necklaces.

Garfield Goose will be there, and so will a lot of bagpipes (more than you'll see anywhere else in one day) and the church groups will march and the the TV stations will all send their talking heads to get video clips and try to say something clever. The weather, based on experience, will be somewhere between frigid and balmy, somewhere between snow flurries and bright sunshine. Somewhere. From the humble beginnings in 1979 as a kids' bike parade, this is arguably the biggest and most joyful neighborhood party in the world.


We've attended many of these, more of these than I can recall, and truthfully, they all look tend to look pretty much the same, anyway. But the highlights of the parades we attended, those are unique and wonderful, and they get better as the years go by.


We always celebrated this with Jimmy the Cop and his family. Their first home, on Oakley, just south of 102nd, was a block from the start of the parade route. That was such a beautiful little house, and it was filled with love and smiles! We'd have to arrive a few hours before the parade in order to get a place to park, as the neighborhood went into lockdown gridlock an hour or two before the parade began. Jimmy was either on his second or third beer or still sleeping or in the shower when we'd arrive, you never knew what to expect.



The first year, we plopped tiny little Tommy in his stroller atop the case of Miller Lite that was concealed beneath a baby blanket and headed off. Tommy's role as beer smuggler would be handed off after a few years to his baby sister, Alyssa (my godchild), then to my son when he was the smallest. A family tradition, this, the wee ones running hooch for their dads. The first year it rained, and Jimmy and I --and the stroller-- finished the parade alone under the bus shelter on the corner of 103rd.

In later years, the stroller was replaced. Jimmy's pal, John, another cop, would stake out a vantage point with his wife's mini-van, parking it there the night before, usually by the Dunkin' Donuts at 104th Street. This became the gathering point for dozens and dozens of people throughout the day, mostly policemen. The wall in the alley behind became a comfort station, and it was here that young Tom was taught how to pee outside. His mother, in tears of laughter, called my wife a couple of days after the parade to recount how young Tom had adapted his new knowledge and was heading out to the back yard every few hours to pee off the backyard deck.


A few years later, the parade became a romantic site. My eldest, in a great conspiracy with the entire family, rented kilts and was given a perch atop the Fraternal Order of Police float, along with a stout dose of Jack Daniels for warmth and courage. When the float arrived at our vantage point, an waiting policeman strode purposefully into the middle of the street and commanded the parade traffic to halt. As thousands of watched in amazement, the lad produced a "Will You Marry Me?" sign and bent to a knee right in the middle of Western Avenue. Oooh's and aaahhhh's filled the air as the ladies handed the future bride a sign that said yes on one side and no on the other and propelled her off the curb and into the street, where she accepted as the crowd let forth a roar. The newly engaged pair climbed back on the float, the officer dutifully admonished the float driver to get moving --"yer holdin' everything up!"-- and the kids were celebrities for a day. The lad's proposal gambit has been copied by many since then.


The post-parade parties began with just our families in the little dining room in the beautiful house on Oakley, and rapidly grew to totally unmanageable proportions over the years. Jimmy has a habit of getting to know people, getting to know everyone, actually, and with proper libations he becomes highly social. One year, when the party was already getting big and was now headquartered down in the basement, Jimmy brought back most of the New York City police department to the party. Jimmy's spouse took most everything that her husband did with amazing grace and unrelenting good nature, until the N.Y. guests invited some apparently professional amorous escorts, and there was only one bathroom downstairs and they were in there and the kids had to pee (lot of that associated with the parade, peeing, that is) and Jimmy's wife decided she'd had enough and announced that she was heading to her mother's andshe was letting Jimmy sort out the houseful of guests. While he didn't immediately get the point, his judgement slowed at the time by a grand measure of green beer, eventually the notion of consequences became a bit clearer and the guest list was trimmed.


Jimmy and his wife moved to a bigger house after a few years, on Fairfield just north of 107th. The post-parade parties migrated with them, but the random invited guests (and the NYC coppers and their escorts) stopped receiving invitations. Something to do, as I recall, with that incident in the basement bathroom. We'd begun to arrive even earlier, as the parade's popularity was growing each year, and gridlock was occuring earlier each year, and there would be Jimmy's wife, Tricia, cooking corned beef briskets like she was preparing to feed an army, which, in a manner of speaking, she was. Jimmy would be having a beer, or sleeping, or showering, just as before, but there was a family theme firmly in place again, Trish's orders.



These were my best parade days, when I quit actually going to the parade, as I had long since tired of the crowds and had seen the show enough times, and I would stay back and slice corned beef for Tricia with her big old carving knife for hours, stacking up enormous trays that would be picked clean as soon as the parade ended. Tricia was simply amazing at this, putting on this enormous party for a collection of friends, family, neighborhood kids, friends of friends, an astounding assortment of people who would show up, some occasionally with an addition to the table, most not, and everyone ate and drank and laughed at the house on Fairfield, like they had at the house on Oakley, buzzed with friendship and festivity and green beer, as did hundreds other houses all over the Beverly neighborhood.

And just it was always Jimmy who was bigger than life in the middle of all this, it was always Tricia who was the elegant, smiling hostess, opening her home and her heart to everyone, long time friends and casual acquaintances alike.

One year, Tricia and my wife, neither of whom could hold their liquor one iota, decided they were going to be more an active part of the revelry than was their custom, and they did some damage to a bottle of Bailey's, or wine, or both, I don't remember. Watching the two of them giggling and slurring their words and babbling at each other, it was simply priceless.


The kids got older and bigger and the parades kept coming to mark the arrival of another spring and the little events that stood out made me laugh even more, like when Jimmy informed his brothers-in-law that the whiskey bottles were in the kitchen cabinet and the bottles were off limits and he would personally shoot the first nitwit who tried to liberate the bottles. No one was sure if he was serious, and his wife just smiled and went about being a gracious hostess, explaining that her mother would be so upset if Jimmy had to shoot "the boys".


When parade #30, steps off this Sunday, there will be hundreds of thousands of spectators, probably a new record if anybody could actually count, and hundreds of post-parade family gatherings will enliven the neighborhood. We'll be nowhere near. Our ever graceful friend Tricia lost her battle against breast cancer, three years it's been now, and the parade isn't the same anymore. I don't slice a hundred pounds of corned beef anymore, and we don't stand smiling at the wail of the kilty bands anymore, and the imitators doing their mostly dreadful renditions of "South Side Irish" don't sound like fun anymore.


But we had a damned good time for a long time, and we'll remember and miss Tricia a longer time still.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Five Sneaky Supermarket Tricks?

I found this while looking for some other stuff, and I think it's intriguing. It's from SmartMoney.com, talking about how supermarkets entice shoppers to make impulse purchases.

Number 1 is called "Eye Candy" and it refers to stores loading the checkouts with magazines and candy and putting the candy aisle across from the breakfast cereal. This one doesn't real hold up as a problem. I like to read the magazines while I'm waiting to check and then put 'em back, so I condider this a public service. As for the candy across from the cereal, half the crap in the cereal aisle has as much sugar in it as candy, and in our stores there isn't a "candy aisle", and the candy section isn't across from the cereal.


Number 2 is "End Cap Deception", saying that people are duped into thinking that end cap displays are loaded with sale items. The end caps ARE valuable real estate, and frequently the DO have promo items on them. Frequently, not always. Caveat emptor.


Number 3, "Shelf Shuffles" accuses stores of moving favorite items around in order to make shoppers walk around to find the items and in the process see more items and buy more stuff. I don't believe this, period. If I can't find what I want, I either ask for help or leave. What kind of rubes are assumed to be walking around loose in our supermarkets?


Number 4, "Cozy Cafes", suggests that stores have put in coffee shops and play enjoyable music in order to make shoppers more comfortable and thereby spend more money. Egad! making the shopping experience more pleasant, how underhanded!


Number 5 is "Follow Your Nose" and points out that grocery stores have the enticing fragrance of delicious food in them and that this makes us want to buy more. Personally, I would rather not that my grocer's establishment assaulted the olfactory with the scent of, oh, say, a tire fire, and I am pleased to attempt a little self restraint while being assaulted with good food scents.


Based on these fab 5 beware of's, my suggestion is to beware of Smart Money magazine, assuming it is anything like the dot com. It's not even worth the time while you wait to pay for all those groceries that you didn't need.


Monday, March 9, 2009

Everything is Bigger in Texas

I have previously presented information about the soon to be opened new Yankee Stadium and its boondoggle counterpart, the new Mets' stadium that will be named after the as of today still functioning Citi Bank.

This past Friday, the Wall Street Journal did a story about these grandiose structures debuting in the worst of economic circumstances.

WSJ also referenced the new Dallas Cowboys Stadium that is nearing completion. Set aside 5 or 10 minutes and be entertained by this website. The cost of the new Cowboys Stadium, particularly compared to Chicago's mistake by the lake, Soldier Field, is ludicrous.

Soldier Field, come to think of it, is ludicrous itself, at pretty much any price. Anyway, look at what Chicago got and look at what Dallas is getting.





http://stadium.dallascowboys.com/