Marriage Questions from a Divorce Lawyer

I ran across a story in which a divorce lawyer put together a few questions that should be posed to prospective mates. Looking over the list, it's evident that the questions have been culled from his years of experience and on their face, the questions are logical and well thought out. Marriage, on the other hand, is hardly logical and predictable. Here are his questions, with some thoughts.

1. How do you believe we should spend our money and on what?
If this is young people considering the question, it's usually pointless, as they have no money. If it's older folks with kids, it's pointless, as they usually have no money. If it's anybody in the last year, it's pointless, 'cause the whole country has no money. My wife and I...the answer is get a little money and then argue about it.

2. What are your thoughts about starting a family?
This question makes perfect sense, as the two partners ought to be on the same wavelength. It doesn't make as much sense if the family has already been started and the partners are looking at how to react. In some places in our culture, the question is irrelevant, leading to the creation of the terms "baby momma" and "baby daddy".

3. If I get sick, how will you take care of me?
The narrative in the story says this is intended to get an understanding of the partners' long term view. I don't think that this question is consistent with the notion of falling in love and building a life together. It is one of those "shit happens" circumstances that we all hope doesn't happen to us. It does pose the question "What would Jennifer Aniston do?"

4. Do you envision us growing old together?
This one, I think this one is important. This is why you get to meet each other's families. Prospective partners are going to be like their parents, a little or lot, and if you gag when you spend time with the parents, well... By the way, the other person will be looking at your parents. How's that working for you?

5. Do you ever think about your ex?
I assume this was intended to include "...in a manner that does not portray that person as borne from the bowels of hell." If you're a youngster and you're dreaming about what might have been, either act on it or close the book. Life's not usually loaded up with second chances.

6. Has your mate ever told you they scared a former mate in any way?
What psychopath in their wacky state is going to 'fess up to this? Sweetheart...did I ever tell you about the time I chased Edwin down the alley at 2 a.m. with the hedge clippers screaming about what a no good son a bitch he is? It was all such a silly misunderstanding!

7. Is your mate good at problem solving?
Ah, is he/she resourceful!? If you're not, you need a partner who is, and then you need to trust them, which could mean you get scah-rood, or maybe you still need mommy to take care of you, in which case you will eventually end up scah-rood and you're shouldn't go screwing up some unsuspecting other person's life making promises you're incapable of keeping. Life's problems and challenges are not easily anticipated, nor are they customarily something for which you can rehearse. We make up the answers as we go. Most people do.

8. How does my mate deal with a "screwup?"
One must infer meaning here. If screwup means an error in judgement, discuss it, at low volume, with the intention of finding resolution, not assessing blame. If screwup is how you customarily refer to your prospective marriage partner, slam on the brakes and head the other way.

For young people, I have one point that I believe needs to be pounded into their brains: there is little correlation between "wedding" and "marriage". The first is a party (anybody can throw one) and the second is a voyage (with an unsure destination).

I have one divorce and one successful marriage. Neither can be attributed entirely to me. Neveradullmoment!