Commute Week, Part III

The judges commuted the sentence last week, so this week 2 of the remaining 7 American Idol contestants are headed for the discard pile. Yes, I have used a cheap trick to tie in American Idol with the commuting theme of this week, but really, what's more important? I get cranky if I cannot be snide and smug once a week about the sing for your supper gang.

So let's get on with it: it's disco week. Lots of stuff is gonna happen here to rip on, for sure.

Lead off singer was Lil Rounds, singing I'm Every Woman. Poor Lil, she works like crazy to please and seems to be a really nice person. She just doesn't have the charisma to get over the top. There was no excuse about being out of her genre this week. Randy made uncomfortable faces, Kara made noncommital comments and Simon says she gone. I think Paula had left to go to the ladies room.

Kris with a K Allen appears on my television holding an acoustic guitar and dressed in a t-shirt and jeans to do an interpretation of She Works Hard for the Money. I bet this is gonna suck big time! Boy, was I wrong. Accompanied by calypso-street-rock percussion, he blows everyone away with a unique interpretation. I have nothing bad to say, and neither did the judges. Hold on for a moment. Kris keeps doing this annoying "omygawd" grin with his eyes closed. , FINALLY, YES! Something to criticize!

Next was Danny, singing September. It was a fun performance. Another guy that I wanted to rip, and again I'm left with nothing. This night is not working for me.

The little red-haired girl comes next singing Hot Stuff. She reinvented a tired song, and visually this kid made an awesome impression again. You had to see it, if you didn't, go watch the video. Simon said it was "a briliant performance". Since I like the little red-haired girl, I am not disappointed that she did well.

Adam, the chalk in this race, is next. Donna Summer's If I Can't Have You is his choice. Another worn out, crappy song. The big dog reinvents it and hits another home run. The judges appear stunned, in a good way. Paula is on the verge of tears. Simon can't say enough good things. I'm thinking this lad may become a latter generation Freddie Mercury. Our 3:2 wager looks stronger every time this guy performs.
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Matt in the goddamn Hat does Stayin' Alive. He looks dopey thanks to the hat, works hard and comes up blechhhh. Seems like a nice fellow, Mat in the Hat. I bet he'd be a monster talent at the local clubs.,sans hat. He'll be gone, too bad, lad. So will his hat, thank heaven.
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Anoop finishes the show, and probably his run as a contestant, performing Turn on the Lights. This song sucked when it was new, and Anoop puts some weird spins on it, making it the kind of video that they'll use in a couple of years to tease him. The judges are kind (except Simon, thank heaven sometimes for Simon), but they won't save Anoop.
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My bet is that the two who get voted off the island will be Matt with his dopey Hat and Anoop. Top 3, can we bet on Top 3: Big Dog, Red Haired Girl and the other guy.

Adam Idol

The other television competitors have abdicated the 7:00 p.m. Tuesday time slot to American Idol. NCIS, The Biggest Loser and According to Jim, those are the shows that you weren't watching, and HBO ran some movies for the eleventeenth time. American Idol has 7 contestants remaining, and last night they were joined by Quentin Tarentino, the most creative loon in film. In the audience this night were Katie Couric and Syl from Sorpranos, who I only learned at last Super Bowl is in Springsteen's band.

Little Allison, the Wendy Hamburger/Charo girl, sang something, I don't know what, and it wasn't great, but she's always entertaining, visually and vocally.

Following Allison was Adam Lambert singing Born to Be Wild. The song was first recorded 40 years ago. It's a musical icon. It's a song that was done about perfectly the first time, in 1968, by Steppenwolf. This guy Lambert absolutely lit the place on fire with it, overdid it, overacted, overscreamed the ending, and still gave a fanstastic performance, leaving everybody smiling. Give Adam the big trophy right now. Nobody else in the 7 is in his league. Allison Wendy Charo will probably finish second, and she won't be anywhere near Adam Lambert. My investment consortium has wagered on him at 3:2, and that is money in the bank.

Matt, the guy from Michigan who wears that goddamned hat all the time, sang Bryan Adams' next. He played nice piano. Matt in the Hat performed like a Bryan Adams tribute act. At this juncture, Matt is there just to keep the others company. I would enjoy him performing in a bar or a Vegas lounge, but he's not gonna be your next American Idol.

Matt isn't leaving 'till Anoop is gone, though. I'm writing this as I watch the show last night, and I've already forgotten that Slumdog sang second. It was pleasant, his performance, whatever it was that he sang, and as I have just proved, it was eminently forgetable. Bye, Snoopy, nice seeing you and enjoy the summer tour, 'cause you're voted of the island tonight, unless Matt the Hat is where it's at.

Chickflick Danny sang next. I think I would like Chickflick Danny if I knew him. Watching him perform, on the other hand, makes my colon hurt.

Chris is performing next. Excuse me, his name is Kris. Kris Allen. Do you think they could kick three or four of these guys off and have Adam Lambert compete against himself? You could vote for Adam One or Adam Two or Three. Kris sucked, the song sucked, and when he contorted his face in a shot at an emotional ending, my colon and I felt a twang of reminiscense for Chickflick Danny. Break time!

Lowes is the big sponsor tonight (along with Ford, all the time Ford). Next comes the Lowes commercial that has millions of flowers marching through the parking lot and down the street. Tell the truth, don't those commercials make you uncomfortable, like it's a scene from an alien movie where the plantlife takes over the world? Quentin Tarrantino could make that movie.

Last singer, Lil Rounds, performing The Rose. Sucked, again. Lil sang the song as screwed up and confused as I have ever heard it sung, throwing out melody in favor of trills and runs, and it was disastrous. She can only sing one style, and it hasn't been happening for weeks. Paula offered some incomprehensible bit of observation, Simon slammed the performance, the audience booed Simon, it was like a little slice of WWF. Lil fought back, arguing that she tarted up the song with R&B and gospel, that she was an artist. All things considered, the performance sucked.

Show's over, just a couple of minutes late. I wish we had got on Lambert before the odds on him went down to +150 ( 3:2 ), but that's a lot better price than today, when he was -235. Chickflick Danny is +280, followed by Allison at +1,000.

I think we should get a price on a match-up between Danny and Allison. Please, Margaret, inform my broker. There is more money to be made on American Idol.

American Idol

American Idol has proven me wrong for years. I keep on cranking about it, but I end up sitting next to Mrs. PFOS and watching some of the shows. Sometimes I use it as an excuse to go do something else, but other times it's pretty entertaining. As for American Idol's commercial success, Kelly MyLifeWouldSuckWithoutYou, and Carrie Underwood, stunning to see and hear and the youngest performer ever invited to become a member of the Grand Ole Opry, are proof enough that they find performers with this show.

This year's crop is pretty talented, though there are some unusual participants.

As I'm writing this last Tuesday, I've so far seen Snoopy the American Slum Dog and Megan Joy. Snoopy --ok, I'm insensitve, his name is Anoop --seems to have ridden the Slumdog popularity to get this far. I'm not saying that he's not good, I think he is, but in the past there hasn't been a lot of buzz or tolerance for singers of Indian ethnic origin. I thought he was OK tonite, but the Gang of Four drilled him.

Now this Megan Joy girl, she's amazing. She displays the body rhythms of dancing Elaine Bennis and, prior to tonite, Holiday Inn Lounge singing ability. Tonite she sang a Bob Marley song and I liked it. The G4 absolutely assaulted her; I thought she would break down in tears.

Third up was Danny, the guy whose wife died. Every time I've seen him, and there haven't been many, he seems to be talking about his emotions, their emotions, old emotions, new emotions, gak, he's like a singing chick flick.

Fourth singer was Allison, who is 16 years old and is going to be a big star. She looks like a combination of Charo and Wendy the Hamburger Girl. She's a prodigy and she's gonna make piles of cash.

A word about the Gang of 4, the judges, here. Paula is more bizarre than ever, like somebody's weird aunt who's always trying to show how hip she is. Simon is funnier than ever. Randy is pretty irrelevant, and Kara is getting bored, although I'm sure she's pulling down enough cash with this gig to assuage the tedium.

The blind piano player guy is singing now. I like this guy. He sings great, and he is a pro level piano player. A bit more of my insensitivity, for a blind guy he handles himself on stage with great physical grace.

Next up, some guy named Matt proving he's not Cold Play. G4 ain't buying, either. Following is Lil with the big voice singing a Celine song. She sucks and G4 makes a lot of excuses for her, just like they did the last time I saw her. Except Simon, who says she screwed up. Lil's kids are in the audience, and the whole show is taking a weird, uncomfortable turn.

Adam Lambert is next and he is doing the best "Play That Funky Music White Boy" I have ever seen. Each of his performances that I have seen has screamed star quality. I would bet on this guy.

My investment partner informed me that there are Vegas odds on this show, seriously. Adam Lambert is even money as of right now. Compare that with Snoopy at 20:1 and Megan at 60:1.

A nice guy named Kris Allen sings next. The G4 likes him a lot, blah blah blah.

We just found a casino that's giving 3:2 for Adam Lambert, and we've found a new reason for American Idol to exist.

In the time since this was written, unusual Amy Joy was voted off the island ( whereupon she started flapping her arms and cawing like a crow, what was that!? ) and there is a new round of sing for your supper coming tonight, and Sparty got steamrolled and I'm not wealthy and basking in the glow of winning. Congratulations to Two Gun Pete, my investment partner, who had NC.

American Idol Starts Tonight

Tonight begins the eighth season of searching for a singer. This show, a modern version of what The Original Amateur Hour did on radio about seventy years ago, is one of the money making marvels of our time. First, how many of the seven winners can you name? I'll list them in a minute.

This is the show that partnered a semi-well known old rocker, a washed up singer/dancer and an unknown, egotistical record promoter and turned the synergy into a top tier entertainment brand. It's only part of the empire, though. American Idol is a spinoff of the British "Pop Idol" that hit the airwaves a year earlier. There have been "Idol" shows in more than 30 countries.

1st Season Winner: Kelly Clarkson

Judge number one is Randy Jackson. Randy is 52 years old, married twice, divorced once, father to three. He's played bass for a lot of famous bands, produced hits and has a radio show. He also has the most annoying affectation as he calls everybody dawg.

2nd Season Winner: Ruben Studdard

Judge number two is Paula Abdul. She's 46, used to be a Lakers cheerleader, has had six number one records, two marriages and two divorces. She's pretty wacky, but she's sold 56 million records and thinks she can sell more. If you saw the video for her last effort, it's likely that the number isn't going a lot higher anytime soon.

3rd Season Winner: Fantasia Barrino

Judge three: Simon Cowell, is 49, has had success and failure and then more success in the music business and now earns 40 million bucks a year just from Idol. He's also produced a number of shows on his own, including the highly successful "America's Got Talent".

4th Season Winner: Carrie Underwood.

Judge number four debuts tonight: Kara Dioguardi, age 38, has been a success as a writer, producer, singer, TV producer and now the injection of new blood into the show. Watch to see how the chemistry develops.

Winners 5, 6 and 7: Taylor Hicks, Jordin Sparks and David Cook.

Now, I had planned to rip on the show, but in doing the research, found that Idol winners are selling zillions of dollars of records each year, Idol losers are starring in everything (Katherine McPhee is the best looking Idol loser) Idol judges have a bigger track record than I could have ever imagined and everyone in the world watches.

I got nothin'.