Giving New Energy to a Crummy Wednesday

The biggest news of the day is that some TV doctors may be going away. Katherine Heigl and T.R. Knight, two of the Grey's Anatomony actors, have apparently quit. At the same time, House, the Fox doc show, is floundering in the ratings and in danger of disappearing alltogether.

I stopped joining the spouse for Grey's some time back because it's a thinly disguised yes we really are doctors though this is about not-so-young people in a constant state of libidinous agitation. I quit watching House because I have a tendency to think I may have every illness that they profile and the lead character has become impossible to not despise.

Seems like the whole world is in a yawn/pause, and this space is no different. To remedy this, I am submitting a script for a two hour made for TV movie special, the premise of which will be a medical convention taking place in Cleveland. Yes, folks, Cleveland rocks, so they say. All the creepy doctors from all the crappy doctor shows will attend this convention. The convention's organizers will have a big group outing where all the TVMD's go ice fishing on Lake Erie as a team building exercise. As an added bonus, the event will be catered, out on the ice, by Brie Hodge's catering company, and since it's such a big job, all the Wisteria Lane women are being conscripted to help.

Once we have them all together out on the ice, the party area will crack off, just like it did in real life last Saturday. The difference this time will be that instead of a helicopter rescue, the ice floe will be enveloped in a dense fog for hours, as the winds push the ice further and further away from, um, oh yeah, Cleveland, blessed Cleveland.

The characters will be stunned, when, in the dark of night, the ice grinds to a halt, having hit land. When they scramble from their rapidly disappearing ice raft to the safety of land, they are amazed to find that their ice ship has transported them to...where?

Welcome to All Star Survivor 2009, my new TV show. Three crapfests combined into one spectacular marathon trek to nowhere. I get all the washed up characters reinvigorated in a new concept, and the struggling shows that they left get to introduce new characters in the old settings. Oh, yeah, I get rich in the process.

Win/win/win.

"...and the Emmy goes to...."