Thursday, November 27, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
8 Surprising Turn-Ons for Men
This started with Men's Health Magazine. They posted the question and readers responded. Here are the revelations, 8 Surprising Turn-Ons for Men. You are forewarned, they are generally contemptible, and Men's Health may be turning into Cosmo for males.
1. Standing Tall
A woman who stands tall typically a) dresses well, b) exercises often, and c) is confident about her body and what it's good for. And if she's proud of her figure no matter what shape or size, that makes men take notice, as well.
All you hunchback girls better get with the program...or do like that monobrow chick in the Planters Nuts commercial and dab cashews behind your ears. Imagine "Hunchbacks Gone Wild"...no, don't.
2. True Grit
...there's something insanely attractive about women who can bite their lips, buck up, and grit out some of life's twists, turns, sprains, and pains.
This one made me laugh out loud. Sounds like these guys are fixating on the women of ultimate fighting. It could also describe Brie Hodge from Desperate Housewives, who could eviscerate an opponent without interrupting the arrangement of her floral bouquet. While each is admirable, they're neither of them very evocative.
3. Baseball Caps
...we like a baseball cap the most when it's worn by a woman. The look sends all kinds of messages about the kind of woman she is: sporty, strong, comfortable kicking back, Sox fan.
1. Standing Tall
A woman who stands tall typically a) dresses well, b) exercises often, and c) is confident about her body and what it's good for. And if she's proud of her figure no matter what shape or size, that makes men take notice, as well.
All you hunchback girls better get with the program...or do like that monobrow chick in the Planters Nuts commercial and dab cashews behind your ears. Imagine "Hunchbacks Gone Wild"...no, don't.
2. True Grit
...there's something insanely attractive about women who can bite their lips, buck up, and grit out some of life's twists, turns, sprains, and pains.
This one made me laugh out loud. Sounds like these guys are fixating on the women of ultimate fighting. It could also describe Brie Hodge from Desperate Housewives, who could eviscerate an opponent without interrupting the arrangement of her floral bouquet. While each is admirable, they're neither of them very evocative.
3. Baseball Caps
...we like a baseball cap the most when it's worn by a woman. The look sends all kinds of messages about the kind of woman she is: sporty, strong, comfortable kicking back, Sox fan.
Maybe it says she didn't want to mess with her hair, or she was painting the kitchen. Now that we have a Sox fan headed to the White House, Sox caps are de riguer for the fashionista any place, any time...almost. Whatever works for you. If a guy is attracted to a wpman, she can wear one of those Carmen Miranda fruit baskets on your head and it's not gonna run him off. Conversely, if he's not interested, a baseball cap ain't gonna whisper Jump me, big boy.
4. Software Savvy
There's something sexy about a woman who can click a few buttons and get something working exactly the way she wants it to.
OK, the nerd herd has volunteered its opinion on how to score hotties, and unless you believe the Revenge of the Nerds movies, those boys ain't creating any friction with actual women, so this one is lightly regarded.
4. Software Savvy
There's something sexy about a woman who can click a few buttons and get something working exactly the way she wants it to.
OK, the nerd herd has volunteered its opinion on how to score hotties, and unless you believe the Revenge of the Nerds movies, those boys ain't creating any friction with actual women, so this one is lightly regarded.
5. Sexy Shampoo
...the smell of her freshly washed hair that's nestled up under the chin on a Sunday morning is a reminder of all that's good about relationships.
...the smell of her freshly washed hair that's nestled up under the chin on a Sunday morning is a reminder of all that's good about relationships.
I don't believe that this was actually written by a guy, at least not by a guy who likes women or is not some Hannibal Lechter loon. Now, if they had something about team showering, there I'd concur, but rooting around and sniffing her head like you're an airport security dog, well that sounds like full perv mode to me, pretty out there.
6. Understated Underwear
Slinky and small lingerie works for anniversaries, birthday surprises, honeymoons, and other seduce-me moments. But the look that makes men feel both comfortable and excited is when she's wearing boxers (waistband rolled) and a thin-as-can-be T-shirt that's neither too tight nor too big. Call it supreme sexiness in the understated. The same effect can be achieved by wearing his old dress shirt and a pair of panties.
I printed this one in its entirety. It's goofier than the head sniffer. Victoria's Secret and Frederick's are not successful because of women who dress for boudoir success like they raided the Amvets donation box. This must have come from some weasel who sits in his parents' basement watching Jennifer Aniston movies in the dark and sucking down Mr. Pibb by the gallon, and whose last conversation with a real girl cost $2.99 a minute. Be careful not to let the air out of your girlfriend, Romeo.
7. Dirt and Sweat
Of course, men like to see their women dolled up for a night out. But many men appreciate the exact opposite: The woman who hikes, bikes, mows the lawn, hacks trees and branches, and otherwise pulls her weight. Seeing the dirt, mud, sweat, and occasional road rash is something that stokes our primal side.
This, too, is printed in its entirety. While I respect anyone who works hard and/or plays hard, your normal men and women have an understanding, one that I believe most people of average or better IQ share: go clean up that stank 'fore you come 'round here. May I reintroduce here that team showering idea? Gawd, these guys are dumb!
8. A Few "Duh" Moments
Men like smart women (see "software savvy," above). But there's a small part of a man's brain that wants her to have an occasional dollop of ditziness. Why? Because if she can show that she may not know everything, it reinforces something deep inside a man that he's needed, that he's trusted, that he can be there to help.
Gag and gag again...while I am fond of teasing my partner when she does goofy things, I do not wish on her "a dollop of dizziness" to enhance my self image. This had to have been submitted by the guy with the blow up girlfriend, as most of the women I know would run screaming from a condescending bunghole with this approach.
6. Understated Underwear
Slinky and small lingerie works for anniversaries, birthday surprises, honeymoons, and other seduce-me moments. But the look that makes men feel both comfortable and excited is when she's wearing boxers (waistband rolled) and a thin-as-can-be T-shirt that's neither too tight nor too big. Call it supreme sexiness in the understated. The same effect can be achieved by wearing his old dress shirt and a pair of panties.
I printed this one in its entirety. It's goofier than the head sniffer. Victoria's Secret and Frederick's are not successful because of women who dress for boudoir success like they raided the Amvets donation box. This must have come from some weasel who sits in his parents' basement watching Jennifer Aniston movies in the dark and sucking down Mr. Pibb by the gallon, and whose last conversation with a real girl cost $2.99 a minute. Be careful not to let the air out of your girlfriend, Romeo.
7. Dirt and Sweat
Of course, men like to see their women dolled up for a night out. But many men appreciate the exact opposite: The woman who hikes, bikes, mows the lawn, hacks trees and branches, and otherwise pulls her weight. Seeing the dirt, mud, sweat, and occasional road rash is something that stokes our primal side.
This, too, is printed in its entirety. While I respect anyone who works hard and/or plays hard, your normal men and women have an understanding, one that I believe most people of average or better IQ share: go clean up that stank 'fore you come 'round here. May I reintroduce here that team showering idea? Gawd, these guys are dumb!
8. A Few "Duh" Moments
Men like smart women (see "software savvy," above). But there's a small part of a man's brain that wants her to have an occasional dollop of ditziness. Why? Because if she can show that she may not know everything, it reinforces something deep inside a man that he's needed, that he's trusted, that he can be there to help.
Gag and gag again...while I am fond of teasing my partner when she does goofy things, I do not wish on her "a dollop of dizziness" to enhance my self image. This had to have been submitted by the guy with the blow up girlfriend, as most of the women I know would run screaming from a condescending bunghole with this approach.
Most of the crap that makes up these 8 "surprises" sounds like it was concocted by self pleasuring dreamers who can't get a squeeze without negotiating price in advance. So what's the surprise? That there is no surprise...we males are pigs, we like being so and are highly unresponsive to inducements to change. We have evolved, though...most of us, anyhow.
That is all.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Sexiest Man Alive 2008
When I saw that People Magazine had published its Sexiest Man Alive 2008 list, I immediately pulled up the list on the net. Naturally, I wanted to see if I was on the list, and hadn't been given notice ahead of time, it would make me Sexyman peevish, and I nee
ded to know if any of the guys from the neighborhood or from work had made the list and if I had been left off, so I could get my stack of derisive comments ready.
Well, now that I have perused this supposedly authoritative compilation, I can see that we never had a fair chance. Here is the list, and you will see that it is bogus, with a lot of nancyboys and fops, whose place here I shall negate, forthwith.
#15. David Beckham
#14. Joshua Jackson
#13. Robert Pattinson
A Harry Potter actor. Riiiight...absolutely not acceptable on a sexyman list, no way. Dweeby ain't sexy. Denied.
ded to know if any of the guys from the neighborhood or from work had made the list and if I had been left off, so I could get my stack of derisive comments ready.Well, now that I have perused this supposedly authoritative compilation, I can see that we never had a fair chance. Here is the list, and you will see that it is bogus, with a lot of nancyboys and fops, whose place here I shall negate, forthwith.
#15. David Beckham
Cool, even if he does play soccer. List position affirmed.
#14. Joshua Jackson
Came from Dawson's Creek. Nancyboy! To quote Alfred E. Neuman, "bleccchhh"! List position emphatically denied.
#13. Robert Pattinson
A Harry Potter actor. Riiiight...absolutely not acceptable on a sexyman list, no way. Dweeby ain't sexy. Denied.
#12. Javier Barden
This is the guy from No Country for Old Men who went around blasting people with the livestock stun gun. Niiiice.... If you can walk around with a compressed air tank and have your way, you have arrived. List position affirmed.
#11.Mark-Paul Gosselaar
Married 12 years with two kids, likes to look shaggy. That's the good. Starred in Saved by the Bell and hyphenated first name. That's the not so good. Write it off as a youthful indiscretion . List position affirmed, barely.
#10. Lang Lang
Lang Lang is a Chinese piano player. Yes yes, I'm serious serious, a Chinese piano player. All those kung fu guys, and they pick a piano player? Jim Lang, maybe. (He was the host on The Dating Game, remember "...and heeeeere they are!")Lang Lang, denied denied.
#9. Blake Shelton
If you're going to put a country singer on the list, I say you go Toby Keith. Big, rough, truck selling guy who was a roughneck in the oil fields, We'll put a boot in your ass, it's the American way, yeah, baby! Sorry Blake, denied.
#8. Michael Phelps
Pile of Olympic gold aside, this is a weird dude, more reptile than Sexyman. List position denied.
#7. Ed Westwick
21 years old from something called Gossip Girls. Looks like he spends a lot of time looking in the mirror practicing his cool look. If you are, you don't need to practice. List position denied.
21 years old from something called Gossip Girls. Looks like he spends a lot of time looking in the mirror practicing his cool look. If you are, you don't need to practice. List position denied.
#6. Blair Underwood
He's 44, has three kids, always projects a pissed off attitude on screen, and women grab his ass in supermarkets. And who among us has not had that happen, getting groped at the deli counter while they're packing our pierogis? Position affirmed.
#5. Robert Buckley
27 years old, appeared in Lipstick Jungle. Who the hell is this guy? Denied.
#4. Zac Efron
This little fella starred in High School Musical 3. Is there anything in that description that sounds remotely sexy or manly? No. Nothing. And the photo from the list had "Sexy Zac" laying on a beach all wet in a jacket and tie. Sexyman no, dopy-ass kid yes. List position denied.
This little fella starred in High School Musical 3. Is there anything in that description that sounds remotely sexy or manly? No. Nothing. And the photo from the list had "Sexy Zac" laying on a beach all wet in a jacket and tie. Sexyman no, dopy-ass kid yes. List position denied.
#3. Jon Hamm
This guy is one of the stars of Mad Men. If I want to see Mad Men, I will go to the local tavern during any Bears game. It ain't sexy, but it's real. Double denied.
#2. Daniel Craig
He's James Bond. He does a lot of his own stunts. List position definetly affirmed.
#1. Hugh Jackman
"6 ft 2 in, all scruff and biceps...can sing, dance and wield a weapon" Puh-leeze! I'm big and scruffy on Sunday mornings and I can sing and I dance at weddings sometimes, but I'm not on the list...what is going on here, double standard wise?! Hugh Jass, maybe...
OK, ladies (and gents, we are not gender discriminate here), what do you think? To view the list
Monday, November 24, 2008
Size Matters
Top Ten American Universities by Enrollment
10. Penn State 42,900
9. University of South Florida 43,600
8. Texas A&M 45,400
7. Michigan State 45,500
6. University of Central Florida 46,600
5. Texas 49,700
4. Minnesota 50,400
3. Florida 50,900
2. Arizon State 51,200
1. Ohio State 51,800
These figures are full time students during 2006. Now, the wager results for the weekend and some cheerbabe photos.
Cheerbabes workin' it, 1959 -->
Army @ Rutgers –17
Rutgers, 30-3
17 looks a little tall on the spread, but you gotta play to win.
"W"
Illinois –2.5 @ Northwestern
'Cats, 27-14
Cheer for the Wildcats, bet on the Illini.
I lost some cash, but I love the 'Cats!
"L"
Pittsburgh +5 @ Cincinnatti
Cincinnatti, 28-21
It’s the Wannie factor.
Bettting on Wannie is like betting on USB.
"L"
Tennessee +3 @ Vanderbilt
Tennessee, 20-10
I think Tennessee is less better, maybe more worse.
"W"
Syracuse @ University of South Bend –19.5
Syracuse wins a big one, 24-23
The Manatee’s group will, for this Saturday, ring down the thunder (pause) from the sky and quell all the buyout rumors. Syracuse stinks, South Bend will be rockin’.
South Bend was rockin: the student section was throwing snowballs at the football team, the crowd booed their beloved team, and USB lost to a team that's already fired their coach but is making him work the rest of the season. I simply can't stand USB. No more betting on them. Never, ever, ever.
"L"
Texas Tech @ Oklahoma –7
OK 65, TT 21
This is going to be a great football game.
It was, if you're a Sooners fan.
"W"
Michigan State +14 @ Penn State
Penn State, 49-14
everything says Penn State. I say MSU.
With the spread, I still lost by 21. Gawd, I suck at this.
"L"
Boise State –6 @ Nevada
Boise, 41-34
Boise State needs to rock somebody's world without the blue field.
Rock someone my ass. They need to play a little defense. Still, we squeak by.
"W"
Idaho @ Hawaii –23.5
Rainbows, 49-17
Pete’s Perfect Pick
"W"
Five W's and four L's sthis weekend. After 12 weeks, back where I began.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Purple Flag on Saturday
NCAA Forces Sweet Sioux Into Retirement Today
Politically Incorrect, My Ass!
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