Careful With the Cronies, Barack

I have been highly unimpressed with the reign of Arne Duncan over the Chicago Public Schools system. Most notorious among his "achievements" was the institution of the pay for grades program, where students get cash payments from the schools for each of their grades. CPS already has a big spending-per-pupil number, and this scambo doesn't do anything to improve it, in my judgement it just throws some hush money into the equation.

So I was rather disturbed to see that Barack was putting old Arne up for Secretary of Education. I know that Arne has a decent jump shot and he's an awesome rebounder, but after the White House basketball team finishes its season, there is some actual work to be done, and Checkbook Arne doesn't impress me as the guy to do it.

Then I caught a story in the SunTimes last Thursday that the CPS had spent $67,000 on expresso machines last year (along with some other interesting mal-administration, detailed in the audit), adding to the resume of Arne Duncan, Power Forward. Let's see, the CPS year in review...some loony preacher takes busses full of kids up to New Trier, cash payouts to kids, changing grades for athletes, spending $250,000 bussing kids into a school in Gage Park they weren't supposed to be in and expresso instead of algebra books. We're only half way through the school year, too, so there's surely more to come.

Arne might foul out early in this game. Maybe Barack should be looking for bench strength, say the accomplished veteran, Paul Vallas. I'm not sure about Paul's jump shot, though.

National Championship Trophy

This is The Coaches' Trophy, awarded annually to the winner of the BCS national title game, the national champion of the college football world. A trophy just like the one pictured here will go to the winner of tonight's Florida v. Oklahoma game.

The trophy is a handmade Waterford crystal football mounted on a mahogany base. It's valued at something like $30,000.

In the spring of last year, a high school football player from Plant High School (near Lakeland), who was taking a tour of the University of Florida, bent over and in the process butt-whacked the University's 2006 trophy off the table upon which it had been set.

The kid broke a $30,000 trophy. Insert here your own joke about dumb-ass, stupid ass, big-ass, etc.

It was insured. I refer to the trophy, not the infringing visiting buttocks. Apparently, two or three replacement crystal footballs are ordered each year from Waterford by the various schools who have one of these pricey baubles. Accidents happen. If I were in charge of a the safety of a $30,000 trophy, I would think that accidents should never, ever, happen, but I don't deal with enormous young athletes for a living, so maybe I'm being naive. If you would like, Waterford.com has mini versions of the football, four inches long, that you can own for $185, plus shipping, of course.

The kid hasn't made a college choice yet, but he is already famous.

That is all.

Resolutions

Yahoo ran a story the other day with a bunch of celebrities' New Year's resolutions. Brittney wants to stop biting her nails, some rapper wants "ten bitches with money", and Cameron Diaz says she thinks she should start wearing a bra.

I don't care about Brittney's nails, any woman who hooks up with a chap who refers to her as one of his bitches deserves what she gets, and Cameron Diaz, braless or not, is rarely relevant to my existence or my entertainment world.

The list brought up two thoughts. The first is that my highly intelligent, young, professional daughter recently confided in mi esposa that she is a Brittney Spears fan. Not just a fan, but a "huge fan". It is amazing, the things that kids say, even adult kids whom you think you know. I would have been less surprised had she said that she is a closet Trekkie or that she is being treated for an addiction to cole slaw. Brittney? Isn't being a Brittney fan like looking up to the trailer park gang from My Name is Earl?

The second reflection is a further bit of consternation, this one as to why Cameron Diaz would want to remind the world that she demurs when it comes to selecting underwear. Cameron has always seemed to me to be quite charismatic, and she has taken modest thespian skills a long way. She is also pleasantly attractive, though not overly endowed in the hooter department. Cameron also seems to always accomodate with a knockercentric photo pose. I am, therefore, casting my vote that Cameron Diaz, no, she should not start wearing a bra in 2009.

As for my own New Year's resolutions, I don't make any. I make resolutions along the way, throughout the year, each time I find some issue worth resolving about. For example, every few months I resolve to cut back on the number of f-bombs that I drop, cutting back to maybe a couple of hundred a day. Likewise, I frequently resolve to avoid things and people that annoy me, and by acting on those things in real time instead of waiting for a new year, I keep my pissed-off quotient manageable, most of the time. Some of the time, anyway.

I frequently resolve to try to enjoy life's moments more frequently, and I have success with this in spurts. This resolution leads to surrounding oneself with people that make life enjoyable, and likewise accepting that some folks are simply assholes and deserve whatever misery is their current lot.

That's it. Brittney, bitches and boobs. Just another happy day.

Spaceship Earth

I have been hearing for most of my life a few terms about our planet that make no sense to me, probably because I paid no attention when someone tried to teach me . I am referring to Equinox and Solstice, the planetary behaviors, not the names of the teachers to whom I paid no attention. I have a vague recollection that Disney, too, may have tried to teach me this as I rode thru spaceship earth in Epcot, but I was much more interested in hollering "wooooo-hoooo, this is awesome" than in paying attention to the disembodied voice that was trying to educate me.

As I have recently remedied my ignorance (only in this specific area), I would like to share what I have learned…before I forget it, which will likely occur very soon.

First, equinox. If we grab the “equi” part, which is derived from "equs", “equal”, it’s easy to remember the meaning. Twice a year, during the earth’s trip around the sun, the tilt of the Earth’s axis will be neither toward nor away from the sun. At this point, we have equal amounts of daylight and darkness. One time is in the spring, and one time is in the fall. The spring is the vernal equinox, the fall is the (duh) autumnal equinox. Vernal, by the way, comes from the latin "ver", spring. How 'bout that...
Solstices are the other extremes from the equinoxes. During the solstices, the relative tilt of the earth’s axis is at its extremes. The result is that at the summer solstice, we have the greatest amount of daylight and at the winter solstice we have the least amount of daylight.

At this time, those of you who are versed in astronomy are rightfully incensed that I have skipped about 99% of the science that explains all this. You are correct. I have elected not to attempt explaining that science because it made my brain hurt. I will, however, throw in some cocktail party factoids that I encountered along the way.

The earth rotates on an imaginary axis that is tilted at 23.44 degrees.
The tilt varies between 22.1 and 24.5 degrees.
The tilt is why we have seasons.
These solstices and equinoxes are instantaneous, fleeting points in time.
The earth rotates on its axis. The earth revolves around the sun.
The orbit of the earth (revolution) is elliptical.
The earth is moving through space at 67,000 miles per hour.
The orbit takes 365.26 days. That .26 necessitates the leap year adjustment.
We just had the winter solstice on December 21.

In 2009, the vernal equinox will occur March 20, and summer solstice will occur June 20th, at one minute to midnight.

My brain is starting to hurt again, so it is time to stop.

Fuddy Duddy, and Spouse

I have attempted, along with my spouse, to age, as they say, gracefully.

Make a note. It is official. We have failed.

On New Year's Day I gave a call early in the evening to Grandpa and Grandma to wish them well for the new year. I had avoided making one of those midnight phone calls the night before, figuring they might have turned in early.

When they answered the phone--both of them, as they frequently do, which is somewhat disarming, the two hellos, like a delay--their voices sounded fatigued. I pumped up the enthusiasm and tossed out a Happy New Year, hoping they'd perk up.

"What did you do last night?," I enquired with some reluctance.

"We were at a New Year's party at some country club in Niles," replied Grandpa. "The Ampol Aires played. Good food, you know, open bar, good music. Then, when that party ended, we headed over to the Stardust, they were having another band, so we went over there and stayed there 'till, I don't know, 3:30 or 4, and hell, we didn't get home and get to bed 'till, I dunno, around 5. It was tough for Grandma, ha-ha, she can't handle it so good anymore."

"Ah, it was the food. The food didn't agree with me, I ate too much," chimed in Grandma. "So I had to take it easy today, that's all. What did you guys do?"

My turn.

"Ummm...we went out for dinner...around 6:30...in town...and, ummm, we, uh, that was about it."

The picture above is the Ampol Aires, the entertainment of the early portion of Grandma and Grandpa's evening. The picture is from 1965. While most--not all--of the band members have changed over the years, they are still playing, and Grandma and Grandpa are still out there partying.

And we are not.

We have been passed on the party scale by Grandma and Grandpa and the Ampol Aires and an army of polka dancing senior citizens who certainly don't want to hear anything about aging gracefully.

That is all.