Live from Wisteria Lane

Alright, alright, I'm outed, I watch this crap, Desperate Housewives. This one I'm writing as I'm watching.

Purely in respect of the impending deceasement, I have found an Edie car wash photo. In respect of the situation, you see, and for no other reason. Back at the Lane, the girls are rockin' tonite, but when will Dave shoot Edie?

Bree is all set to sell Chil Bitch Enterprises to save her marriage to the unlikeable fop, Orson. She looks over the Bree Van de Kamp wall of fame (verrrry remininiscent of the Gaylord Fokker wall of mediocre fame, except with success instead of old jock straps) when whe's overcome with passion...for her business. Take that, Orson, you thieving stroke, and get a normal haircut while you're at it! Once again, when will Dave shoot Edie?

Gabby lusts for Carlos, and insists on service now, thank you. Carlos responds with a little bondage quickie set up, then leaves Gabby tied to the bed and heads back to work. Very worker-guy-ish and responsible, and yeah, yeah, we're all impressed that you left the tart unsullied, Carlos, but when, oh when will Dave shoot Edie?

Mike and China Beach woman go camping with Dave, and Dave takes his hunting rifle with the scope and tries to shoot China Beach woman and he misses 'cause Edie has phoned him at the very instant that he attempted to consumate the murderation! DAVE, WHAT ABOUT EDIE? WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT EDIE? YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA SHOOT HER!? YEAH, HE'S RACING HOME TO SHOOT HER!

Lynette strikes back at the tyrannical Monster Marketing Woman at Carlos' business by letting MMW humiliate herself by berating the cleaning lady and Carlos' kids, blah-blah-blah NO SHOOTING EDIE??? GODDANGIT, LET'S GET SHOOTING HERE ALREADY!!!

Dave comes home and Edie's liquored up and she has figured it all out. There's actual acting going on, did someone change channels? Edie is throwing verbal haymakers; now she calls Dave a freak and keeps on blazing away. Dave's pissed, is he gonna shoot her -- NO!!! He's grabbed her around the neck, one hand, now two, and he's choking her to death, and her eyes bug out and she slides backward and out of his grasp and-- she's not dead. So he's gonna shoot her now? NO! She splits, and jumps in the car and you know the rest.

The teaser for next week shows Edie isn't dead yet.

And don't trust that lying S.O.B. Dave. He SAID he was gonna shoot Edie.

Dang.

Bye, Edie

Wisteria Lane, that kooky little strip of TV America, is planning to say bon soir to the tartalicious Edie Brit. According to no less an authority than her killer-to-be, her Wisteria Lane husband, Dave Williams, Edie gonna get whacked in the woods on Sunday night.

I found Edie to be the least compelling character at the outset. As the series has meandered on and reinvented itself and removed characters and introduced characters and fast forwarded five years and --pause for breath here (and reflect on how goofy this show has become)--I've become an Edie fan.

Brie is controlling and emasculating. Gabby is self centered and demanding. Susan is an idiot. Lynette is ok. The old China Beach woman, whatever her name is, she's ok, too. But Edie, Edie is pure.

Pure self indulgent trampy be-otch. The same thing she has been since the beginning.

So we bid Edie adieu, and with great amazement. I am amazed--and a little bit ashamed-- that I remembered all those characters' names.