Hugh Hefner is Not Blind

Hugh Hefner, pictured here with three Rhodes Scholars, is not blind. He is wearing those shades to look fashionable. Whether or not he actually manages to pull off that look is immaterial, as he is 82 years old -yes, 82- and he keeps company with people like those pictured here. He does not have to pay for their company, either, as I imagine your average 82 year old guy would have to do in order to achieve this level of , um , company. One of the three in the picture is Mr. Hefner's former main squeeze, who is referred to in the gossip columns as his former lover. I don't know which of the three it is, and I don't think it much matters, as they all appear to be blessed with or have acquired similar qualifications.

The first edition of Playboy Magazine was published in 1953, featuring Marilyn Monroe, who, had she not croaked 46 years ago, would be the same age as Mr. Hefner, and would not likely be displacing any of the companions in the photo.

I was in the process of assembling various Hefner factoids in order to explain in some depth who he is and what he has accomplished. Then I took another look at the picture, and it struck me that Mr. Hefner is (A) given credit for having a recent former lover, an unusual credit for 82 year old men considered as a group, and (B) the grandmother of said former lover is likely to be younger than Mr. Hefner.

That is all.

I Wish They'd Go Away

You know how we all love to jump on the bandwagon when there's a new popular phrase or punchline and we all use it and use it and use it and then it gets worn out and we all stop saying it and we're all relieved that we don't hear it anymore? Exhale, yes, I know, that was a big run on sentence.

It's more aggravating when it's a character or group of characters who weren't original or weren't all that interesting or are just plain dumb, and they keep on showing up, and they simply won't go away.

Example #1: the Superfans. These three nitwits and their banal simpering "da Bears" and "da Coach" still show up at all manner of events, dressed like they've dressed for years, telling the same jokes they've told for years, are the champs of the wont' go away group. They were funny when they were fresh. Kathleen Turner was a hottie once, too, but that ain't been the case for years, either.

Example #2: the phony Blues Brothers, local edition. These two reprise the roles that they didn't make famous and show up to all manner of events to skulk around in dark suits, fedoras and sunglasses. The originals were performers, and that ended twenty five years ago. Save the look for little guys at Halloween, where it looks really cool for little guys.

Example #2A: the phony Blue Brothers, national edition. This has been John Goodman and Jim Belushi's sin. Goodman has gone away, and for that we are grateful. Jim Belushi isn't going anywhere, and while he visits the music from time to time (e.g. the hokey Cub fan rally that preceded Cubflop 2008, a.k.a. Cflop 100), at least he doesn't dress up all the time.

Example #3: the screwballs in the green (usually) zoot suits. Dressed like the weasels from Roger Rabbit, these knuckleheads get credit for pioneering a look, and blame for not moving on. They're pretty harmless compared to the aforementioned curiousities, but they have taken pointless to a whole new level.

Example #4: the king of the wish-they-would-go-aways, Ronnie Woo Woo. What can you say about this guy that is less than vicious and spiteful? A favorite of the local media, this former toothless vagrant has parlayed a highly annoying, verge of idiocy, vocal affectation into free admission to games, countless other freebies, and the biggest freebie of all, free teeth when some dentist fixed him up out of kindness of his heart or maybe to be known as the dentist of choice for toothless vagrants. I heard that he (Woo Woo, not the dentist) showed up at Sox Park during the playoffs and tried his lame-o shtick there, to a less-than-loving response. For his own safety, if he's gonna keep up his shrieking, Ronnie needs to keep it confined to the confines of Wiggley, where they tolerate that stuff or are too blitzed to notice.

Example #5: fat guys dressed like Vegas Elvis. I'm reluctant to include these guys, 'cause there are very few things funnier than watching some untalented, flaccid fool prance around in a big bell bottomed body suit, flop sweat rolling out from under a nylon wig and sporting glue-on mutton chop sideburns, calling people "baby" and acting like they're excited - in a positive way- that he's there. This is entertaining in an unintended way, kind of like watching when a street mime does something extra stupid.

Who did I miss? Let me know.

The Wannie Factor

Last week, I was ever so excited that I had figured out the Dave Wannstedt equation and could now wager successfully on his Pitt Panthers. This week, the harsh reality of life with Wannie has returned. Same story with the Flighty Illini.

I have a headache.

Minnesota +1 @ Purdue
Minn 17, Purdue 6
Minnesota is a team on the rise. Purdue is floundering. Northwestern, coming off a bad loss and having just sustained injuries to key offensive players, is next on Minnesota's schedule.
"W"
Illinois –2.5 @ Wisconsin
Wisconsin 27, Illinois 17
...particularly when Juice Williams behaves.
Williams was intercepted three times. Illinois loses. Duh.
"L"
Rutgers @ Pittsburgh –9.5
Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey 54, Pitt 34

Pitt is real good, Rutgers isn’t.

There's some kind of bad mojo here, like an ex-Cub factor or a 100 year Cubs factor, or let's just call it the Wannie Factor. Until Wannie's Pitt Panthers presented themselves, the biggest scoring uprising from dear old Rutgers in 2008 was 38 points, said total being amassed against renowned football powerhouse Morgan State. Morgan State, I learned, is located on the northeast side of Baltimore. From the Morgan State website: The University awards more bachelor's degrees to African-American students than any campus in Maryland.

So, there.

"L"
Notre Dame -11 @ Washington

University of SoBend 33, Tyrone's Washington 7
They are, however, going to go out and kick their old coach’s butt on Saturday.

Tyrone appears to have executed the Peter Principle illustrated, twice. I thought that Willingham had been done a disservice when he was sent packing by the University of South Bend. Turns out they were cutting their losses. When Washington lets him go, I don't see anyone rushing in to hire TW.

"W"

Two up and two down for the week. Boring. Still stuck at three under.

Football Week 9

This week, #9, finds us at 3 fewer wins than losses as the weekend starts, and having had a pretty darn good week last week just to get this close to where I began. Here’s what I think for this week.

Minnesota +1 @ Purdue
Minnesota appears to have an edge here in what began as a pick ‘em game. The edge is that they aren’t Purdue. Purdue has played some quality teams and performed relatively well. They lost respectably to Ohio State and Penn State before getting blown out by Northwestern. The infighting has begun. They’re 2-5 and have 4 consecutive losses. My nickel says Minnesota hands the Boilers another loss.

Illinois –2.5 @ Wisconsin
The Illini can play with anyone when they’re playing within themselves, particularly when Juice Williams behaves. I believe that the whipping’ they put on Indiana last week may have shown the players what the coach knows, follow instructions and win big. Wisconsin has shown nothing, double nothing given that they were expected to play with the big boys this season. The Badgers, like the Boilers, have lost 4 in a row. Picking two teams to lose their fifth in a row, whew, no guts no glory.

Rutgers @ Pittsburgh –9.5
I’m flush with success, having picked a Wannie winner last week. This one seems simple to me: Pitt is real good, Rutgers isn’t.

Notre Dame -11 @ Washington
I am violating two policies here. I do not like to wager on the University of South Bend. I do not like to acknowledge them, period. They are, however, going to go out and kick their old coach’s butt on Saturday.

That is U of W Stadium at the left. Is that as cool as it gets, or what?

That’s it. Four games, that’s all I have.

Grey's and Gray's

Another one of the occurrences that makes life at my house challenging on a regular basis is the intrusion of the absurd TV hospital inmates from Grey's Anatomy. These wannabe doctors spend inordinate amounts of time screwing up, screwing each other, whining, crying, cohabitating, being amazed by day to day hospital stuff and behaving pretty much like you would expect a group of high school sophomores to behave were they turned loose in you local hospital. Mrs. PFOS is a loyal watcher of Grey's Anatomy, so the big screen ushers the precocious doctor-kids into our house every week.

Were these people real, I have to think that the hospital would be devoid of patients, loaded with lawsuits and under attack by regulators. In the espisode to which I was most recently subjected, two female m.d.'s launched their new career as lesbians, one of the others was reading a manual to diagnose a patient who was flopping around on a gurney like a crazed carp, two others were trading a tumor patient back and forth...I would run, run like the wind, were I sent to a loony bin like this for work.

The show is named, of course, after Meredith Grey, the character who is the most saccharine, the least focused, the most promiscuous of all. Inspiring.

The show's title is a play on Gray's Anatomy, the famous medical book first published in England in the year 1858. The book is still being published today. Henry Gray would never make it in Meredith Grey's world.

Henry Gray, in pursuit of his idea to create an anatomy textbook for students, worked with Dr. Henry VanDyke Carter for 18 months disecting unclaimed cadavers and making detailed presentations of their findings. Henry Gray died of smallpox at age 34, three years after the book was first published. Gray's has been revised and enhanced in each edition since the beginning, turning into a compendium of medical knowledge reflective of the respective time of each edition. A quick search on Ebay showed back editions for sale starting at just a few bucks.

So, thank heaven for Henry Gray. I can only hope that the other Grey completes her training and goes into private practice with Kate Walsh, the Cadillac commercial babe who escaped from this hatch a couple seasons ago. Her new show sucks enough that it has a good chance to be canceled, bringing happiness to many. To me, anyway.