Weekend Review: Football Futility #7

Another sucktacular weekend of prognostications that could theoretically be just as successful by flipping a coin.

Louisville –6 ½ @ Memphis
Cardinals 35, Tigers 28
Memphis accumulated lots of numbers: more yards, more time of possession, more first downs and ultimately more screwed the pooch plays. The idea was to bet against Memphis, and it worked. Louisville had 3 TD's off Memphis mistakes, and a good thing they did, because the Louisville offense couldn't execute worth a darn.
"W"
Iowa –5 ½ @ Indiana
Iowa 45, Indiana 9
"I think Iowa is ready for a breakout game." All those frustrated Hawkeye fans found redemption in Bloomington as their team pummeled the Hoosiers. Ricky Stanzi has taken over as the Iowa QB, unfortunately for the deposed pride of Lockport, Jake Christiansen. For me, this one ran true to form.
"W"
Minnesota @ Illinois –12
Gophers 27, Illini 20
"I think that the Illini are ready to step up to the elite level that they and their fans so desperately covet. Pounding the crap out of Minnesota in front of an adoring home crowd is just what they need." Hahahahhahhhaaaa...don't bet these guys ever again, they are the Sybil of college football. A Minnesota team that is now 6-1 made a mess of a really talented Illinois team. It's tough to single out players, but Juice Wiliams is way too inconsistent for my comfort. He gives you great plays and terrible plays, no way to know which is coming. A ton of talent, he can do things that are simply amazing, but...
"L"
Michigan State @ Northwestern +2
Sparty 37, 'Cats 20
First of all, is there a more annoying commentator in the whole world than Pam Ward? She sucks the energy right out of the show, and when she takes a crack at spontaneity it's sooo pathetically lame. I'd have put on the radio broadcast, but there's no synch between it and the satellite picture so you get a headache like cousin Eddie walking past a microwave.
On the other hand, Brooke Shields, doing the Volkswagen commercials, looks awesome, just sayin'. Back at the contest ---
"This week, I think I can see clearly." I think I saw clearly, but that was if NU actually came to play. The 'Cats were a comedy act in the first half, with their kicking teams stumbling and fumbling around like blindfolded guys in a dark room. Sucked. Nine times they gave MSU a starting position of the 40 yard line or better. Sucked. 17 early points off turnovers. Sucked. Pass coverage was mostly a passing thought, linebackers waving at guys motoring past and the safeties seeming to be in the wrong place or too late. Sucked. CJ Bacher made his usual errors in judgement to facilitate an uphill battle from the outset. Not to minimize the winners' performance; the Spartans did their share of positive stuff here, too; NU got its butt kicked and kicked by a pretty good football team. But they shoulda coulda been right there, remove the crash and burn beginning and their stats were great.
"L"
Texas @ Oklahoma –7
Longhorns 45, Sooners 35
I picked Oklahoma because they were at home and because I felt they had played a stronger schedule. I still believe that they have played the more difficult schedule because they just got thumped by the new #1 team. Props to the 'Horns, they were outstanding.
"L"
Vanderbilt @ Mississippi State +2 ½
Misisissippi 17, Vandy 14
"more than the Commodores can overcome." Some of the numbers in Miss State's favor this day: 1st downs 16-7, total yards 260-109, time of possession 36:24. Vanderbilt departs the unbeaten ranks.
"W"
Penn State @ Wisconsin +5
Penn State 48, Wisconsin 7
"I think that the Badgers at home plus the points will get the job done. " HAHAHAHHAHHAAHHAHHAHHAHHAAAAHHHAAAHHAHA...I'm going back to polka music...
"L"

PATHETIC, defined: 21-28-2 for the season.

3-4 for the week. 7 under .500 for the year. Suck, suck, suck. And suck. Fortuntely, STP Investments added an additional game (Hawaii, Pete's Perfect Pick) and a NASCAR bet (Jeff Burton @ +450), so the portfolio value increased over the weekend.

There's always next Friday!