Clay Aiken and Other Revelations

People Magazine had the hottest issue of the millenium (we don't use "millenium" much anymore, so I thought I'd give it a little exercise) with it's Clay Aiken - "Yes, I'm Gay" issue. This is an expose of one of the worst kept secrets ever. Ever since Clay swished into our collective consciousness, gaydars across the universe have been sounding off with abandon. It doesn't change the fact that he's talented and has a lot of fans, but folks are paying a lot to hear Clay tell them the obvious.

It gave me the idea that we can emulate People's huge success by publishing confessions of a lot of other celebrities, having sensational tell-all's like Clay Aiken. Here are a few that come to mind.

Paris Hilton speaks out: I HAVE NO ACTUAL TALENT!!!

John Goodman speaks out: I FEEL FAT SOMETIMES!

Homer Simpson speaks out: I AM NOT A REAL PERSON!!!

1985 Bears speak out: WE HAVEN'T WON ANYTHING IN 20 YEARS!

George W. Bush speaks out: I DON'T HAVE A CLUE...WHAT WAS THE QUESTION?

LaToya Jackson speaks out: BOOB FLOP WAS NO ACCIDENT!!

Notre Dame fans admit: WE LIVE IN THE PAST!!

Tom Selleck exclusive: I'M TOO OLD TO GET HOTTIES ANYMORE!!

Rod Blagojevich interview: I HAVE PLASTIC HAIR!!

Wrigley field exposed: THERE ARE BASEBALL GAMES AT THIS TAVERN!!!

Burger King's King speaks: I'M CREEPY AND PROUD!!

Drop me a line, what revelations would you add?

Eat Good Stuff

This is not another horror story about killing yourself with breakfast! Today, a list of foods that are supposed to make you live longer. The happy seven, from Eating Well Magazine:

Chocolate --

Blueberries--

Fish--

Nuts--

Wine--

Olive Oil--

Yogurt

Why are these good for us?

Chocolate provides flavanols. Actually, it’s cocoa that we’re looking for here, in order to get the flavanols without the fat. Flavanols help preserve the healthy function of blood vessels, thereby lowering the risk of blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, kidney disease and dementia. So, this is not meant to encourage us to shove a ton of Fannie May down our respective pie holes and become morbidly obese in the interest of improved health. Have a bracing cup of cocoa instead.

Blueberries and other berries have compounds that mitigate inflammation and oxidative damage, Translation: good against age related deficits in memory and motor function. Berries are berry good for you.

Fish provides omega-3 fats, and that’s good to protect against cholesterol buildup. I believe that you don’t get the whole healthy kick if you order a deep fried fish sammich and a giant fries chaser. That deep fried thing, along with the white bread and special fishy sauce, tends to work against you.

Nuts provide unsaturated fats, lots of vitamins, minerals and antioxidants. Put away the Ruffles and substitute Planters.

Wine, particularly red wine, works against heart disease, diabetes and age related memory loss. By the way, as soon as they said "wine", they said "moderation".

Olive oil does the good stuff that nuts do. Bell peppers, sautéed in olive oil. Oooooo…so good. Healthy, too.

Yogurt is kinda iffy here. A bunch of old Russians claimed in the '70's that yogurt was the secret to their longevity. Science has only proved up on the calcium being helpful and the good bacteria helps you have happy intestines. Happy intestines make for happy...I don't know, but I'm sure it's a good thing. Eat blueberry yogurt and do a double dipper here.

Bon appetit!

007 x 6

Who is your favorite 007?

There have been six actors thus far who have portrayed James Bond in feature films. The original was Sean Connery, who began the Bond brand, starring in the first five films and then again in #7. The first five Sean Connery Bond films were:

Dr. No (1962)
From Russia with Love (1963)
Goldfinger (1964)
Thunderball (1965)
You Only Live Twice (1967)

George Lazenby became 007 in 1969, starring in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service. George wasn't well received (his Bond was pretty sucky compared to what everyone was accustomed to), so he was one and done as a super spy. He looks more like a postman than a superspy.

Sean Connery Returned in 1971 in Diamonds are Forever. Diamonds, yes, not Connery; no more Bond for him after this one.

In 1973, the Roger Moore era of seven 007’s began. Moore was already well known from TV as The Saint, a spy guy himself. Moore's Bond was more refined than Connery's, and it worked well. The Roger Moore 007 films were:
Live and Let Die (1973)
The Man With the Golden Gun (1974)
The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)
Moonraker (1979)
For Your Eyes Only (1981)
Octopussy (1983)
A View to the Kill (1985)

Next up, Timothy Dalton, two movies, The Living Daylights (1987) and License to Kill (1989). Dalton, a very talented and successful actor elsewhere, was kind of creepy as Bond. I have no recollection of The Living Daylights, and License to Kill was blechhhh. Twenty years earlier, Dalton had been offered the Bond for On Her Majesty's Secret Service (that Lazenby got) and declined.

Pierce Brosnan (remember Remington Steele?) became Bond #6 and stayed there for four films:
Golden Eye (1995)
Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)
The World is Not Enough (1999)
Die Another Day (2002)

Finally, we were introduced to the current Bond, Daniel Craig, in 2002. He’s done two films so far.
Casino Royale (2006)

Quantum of Solace (Newly Released)

Now, I thought there would be no better Bond than Sean Connery. The original and the best, as they say. Fighting Odd Job, the giant Asian guy, what could be cooler?

Roger Moore was very good, very convincing, very likable (and he bagged Ann-Margret, one of the hottest hotties of her day).

Pierce Brosnan was better than I expected him to be. He's one of the most likable actors I can think of, also one of the bravest actors (have you seen the movie version of Mama Mia where he sings? he's surely courageous... a horrible singer), and his 007 films were really good.

The new guy, Daniel Craig, after one movie, is now my favorite. Part of the reason is that his Bond revealed character flaws and weaknesses, his Bond is darker, brooding, much different than any Bond before. The new movie is about to pop, I'm ready.

Who's yours?

Weekend Review: Football Futility #7

Another sucktacular weekend of prognostications that could theoretically be just as successful by flipping a coin.

Louisville –6 ½ @ Memphis
Cardinals 35, Tigers 28
Memphis accumulated lots of numbers: more yards, more time of possession, more first downs and ultimately more screwed the pooch plays. The idea was to bet against Memphis, and it worked. Louisville had 3 TD's off Memphis mistakes, and a good thing they did, because the Louisville offense couldn't execute worth a darn.
"W"
Iowa –5 ½ @ Indiana
Iowa 45, Indiana 9
"I think Iowa is ready for a breakout game." All those frustrated Hawkeye fans found redemption in Bloomington as their team pummeled the Hoosiers. Ricky Stanzi has taken over as the Iowa QB, unfortunately for the deposed pride of Lockport, Jake Christiansen. For me, this one ran true to form.
"W"
Minnesota @ Illinois –12
Gophers 27, Illini 20
"I think that the Illini are ready to step up to the elite level that they and their fans so desperately covet. Pounding the crap out of Minnesota in front of an adoring home crowd is just what they need." Hahahahhahhhaaaa...don't bet these guys ever again, they are the Sybil of college football. A Minnesota team that is now 6-1 made a mess of a really talented Illinois team. It's tough to single out players, but Juice Wiliams is way too inconsistent for my comfort. He gives you great plays and terrible plays, no way to know which is coming. A ton of talent, he can do things that are simply amazing, but...
"L"
Michigan State @ Northwestern +2
Sparty 37, 'Cats 20
First of all, is there a more annoying commentator in the whole world than Pam Ward? She sucks the energy right out of the show, and when she takes a crack at spontaneity it's sooo pathetically lame. I'd have put on the radio broadcast, but there's no synch between it and the satellite picture so you get a headache like cousin Eddie walking past a microwave.
On the other hand, Brooke Shields, doing the Volkswagen commercials, looks awesome, just sayin'. Back at the contest ---
"This week, I think I can see clearly." I think I saw clearly, but that was if NU actually came to play. The 'Cats were a comedy act in the first half, with their kicking teams stumbling and fumbling around like blindfolded guys in a dark room. Sucked. Nine times they gave MSU a starting position of the 40 yard line or better. Sucked. 17 early points off turnovers. Sucked. Pass coverage was mostly a passing thought, linebackers waving at guys motoring past and the safeties seeming to be in the wrong place or too late. Sucked. CJ Bacher made his usual errors in judgement to facilitate an uphill battle from the outset. Not to minimize the winners' performance; the Spartans did their share of positive stuff here, too; NU got its butt kicked and kicked by a pretty good football team. But they shoulda coulda been right there, remove the crash and burn beginning and their stats were great.
"L"
Texas @ Oklahoma –7
Longhorns 45, Sooners 35
I picked Oklahoma because they were at home and because I felt they had played a stronger schedule. I still believe that they have played the more difficult schedule because they just got thumped by the new #1 team. Props to the 'Horns, they were outstanding.
"L"
Vanderbilt @ Mississippi State +2 ½
Misisissippi 17, Vandy 14
"more than the Commodores can overcome." Some of the numbers in Miss State's favor this day: 1st downs 16-7, total yards 260-109, time of possession 36:24. Vanderbilt departs the unbeaten ranks.
"W"
Penn State @ Wisconsin +5
Penn State 48, Wisconsin 7
"I think that the Badgers at home plus the points will get the job done. " HAHAHAHHAHHAAHHAHHAHHAHHAAAAHHHAAAHHAHA...I'm going back to polka music...
"L"

PATHETIC, defined: 21-28-2 for the season.

3-4 for the week. 7 under .500 for the year. Suck, suck, suck. And suck. Fortuntely, STP Investments added an additional game (Hawaii, Pete's Perfect Pick) and a NASCAR bet (Jeff Burton @ +450), so the portfolio value increased over the weekend.

There's always next Friday!

Big Exciting Super Terrific Football Weekend

Big, big, big week for football. Did I say big week? Big week. I’m stuck at 6 games under .500 on the season, and I made absolutely no progress last week in catching up.

Louisville –6 ½ @ Memphis
Louisville has been one of those “stay away” teams this year. They look good to start, then they look not so good, then there’s flashes of excitement, then there’s periods of high sucknicity. Memphis is the team I’m betting on, actually, betting against. They’re 3-3, having lost to the three decent teams they’ve played and beaten the three overmatched teams that wandered into their range. Heads up: Friday night game!

Iowa –5 ½ @ Indiana
The Hawkeyes are having a really tough year. They’re 3-3, with their only quality win coming against Iowa State. Their 3 losses have been by 1 point, 5 points and 3 points, respectively. They look like their always on the verge of being good. Indiana is 2-3, beating a couple of tomato cans and getting trimmed by their quality opponents. While Indiana played well at Minnesota last week, I think Iowa is ready for a breakout game.

Minnesota @ Illinois –12
Minnesota is coming off a reassuring 16-7 win at home. They’re a good team when they play well…and that’s not as goofy as it sounds. Illinois is a highly powerful team that can be devastating when they play well. Illinois is returning home after a big win at Michigan last week. They will be guarding against the letdown that so often follows a big win. I think that the Illini are ready to step up to the elite level that they and their fans so desperately covet. Pounding the crap out of Minnesota in front of an adoring home crowd is just what they need.

Michigan State @ Northwestern +2
I often shy away from betting the ‘Cats one way or another because I’m afraid I can’t see them objectively. This week, I think I can see clearly. They’re getting 2 points and they’re going to win this one straight up, no points needed. This one goes off @ 2:30.

Texas @ Oklahoma –7
Biggest game of the weekend, 5-0 Longhorns coming to tee it up with the 5-0, top ranked Sooners. Texas has won 3 of their games by identical 52-10 scores. Their season to date scoring is 252- 57. Oklahoma has cracked 50 three times themselves, and their season total is 248-69. The seven point spread has some home team points sprinkled in there. On strength of schedule, I think the Sooners can gitterdone. 11:00 a.m. on ABC.

Vanderbilt @ Mississippi State +2 ½
This one’s based on a couple of laws. The first is the “rare air” law. Vandy has run its record to 5-0, and I think they’re in a place that is very, very unfamiliar. That creates undue tension, which in turn creates, um, problems. The second law is “follow up”. After a big win, teams tend to lose focus. Last week, Vandy posted the biggest win they’ve had in many, many years. This week, I think that the convergence of the two laws is going to be more than the Commodores can overcome.

Penn State @ Wisconsin +5
Penn State cost me last weekend, not covering against Purdue. I don’t hold it ag’in ‘em. I do think they can be had. Wisconsin has thumped some good teams and lost to Michigan in the miracle game and Ohio State by just 3 points. I think that the Badgers at home plus the points will get the job done. Game time is 7:00 p.m. on CBS.