Seals 3, Pirates 0

Let's say you have no context for the question that I am about to pose. Let's say I just walked up to you and asked you to answer this question.

If you had to choose someone, anyone, who would you really, really not want to mess with?

Just a shot in the dark here, but if you were to randomly select and respond "Navy Seal Sharpshooter" it would not be a surprising respone.

So how do you think the Somali pirate (Come visit Somalia: Government-free since 1991!) who was aboard the USS Bainbridge acting as the negotiator for himself and the three being towed in the lifeboat felt when the U.S. Navy "negotiator" informed him that discussions had ended?

"Excuse me, crapwad, but it is my pleasure to inform you on behalf of the United States Navy that we are now prepared to offer you the opportunity to kiss our asses as we escort you to one of the jails in which you will spend the rest of your miserable existence ."

"No, no, back off, Imperialist pig. My pirate homeys will kill the American hostage if you do not give us two million U.S. dollars, safe passage to beautiful Somalia, and a paid subscription to DirectTV, including premium channels. Pirates watch ESPN when we are not protecting our territorial waters of beautiful Somalia. All of us pirates had our own NCAA pool, too, did you know that, Implerialist pig? The winner of the pool got a French yacht. Now, bring me another Diet Coke, Implerialist pig. You have angered me, so I demand you throw a cold 12 pack of Diet Coke in with the ransom. No! Make it...Mountain Dew ."

"Yeah, chum bucket, about that ransom thing, it's like this: Your homeys have just had their skulls aerated by Navy Seal Sharpshooters, and the guy who was your hostage is just another pissed-off American now."

"So...no DirectTV? No HBO?

"No Mountain Dew?"

Anchors aweigh.

Friday Photos

The first Friday photo features the pirates of Somalia, who have finally poked their pirate stick into the wrong sleeping critter, cruising along in their little Somalian pirate boat.

The second picture shows the boat that belongs to the critter that got poked, the critter being the USA and the boat being a U.S. Navy warship that's gone out to deal with the pirates. Granted, the pirates have some nasty toys, so the Navy is going to want to be careful. On the other hand, you gotta think the pirates are way out over the tips of their skis this time.
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The pirates are bringing reinforcements, this as of Friday morning!
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The captain tried to escape and was recaptured, this as of Friday afternoon.
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Pirates not your thing? Here's a Good Friday cartoon.

Just Say No

Dear President Obama,

I would like to start this letter out by saying I would be psyched to hear you speak at any event. If that event were my commencement (unfortunately, I'm not graduating from anywhere this year) or a ceremonial reading of the dictionary, I would attend with great excitement.

As you know you have been invited to speak at many commencement ceremonies, and you have chosen three schools: Notre Dame, ASU, and the Naval Academy. The Midshipmen have responded graciously to your acceptance of their invitation, but then again, I guess they kind of have to. They do work for you, after all.

The rosary clutching masses have rebuked Notre Dame and the university president, for even having invited you in the first place. Ugh, that must leave a bitter taste in your mouth. Maybe you should rescind your acceptance. That would teach 'em, eh?

Now, ASU is refusing to give you an honorary degree. (Even Notre Dame is willing to bestow that honor upon you, even if when you turn over the diploma it comes stamped with protest pictures of aborted fetuses and a prayer for your eternal salvation.) They say your body of work is not such that it deserves an honorary degree. Ouch. That's gotta sting. I would think that being the President of the US merits an honorary degree on its own, even just being a regular old run-of-the-mill President. But the first African American President? Man, that didn't even cut it for them.

So I think you should just say no to ASU, too. Instead, I would like to invite you over to my apartment on either of those two days in May. I'm free both, so whatever works for you. Please bring Michelle, the girls, and your dog, if you have one at that point. I will not protest your arrival, and I will give you an honorary degree from a university I make up. I will print it out at work so that I can use the color printer. It will have several gold stars on it. I will use a color palette that complements the Oval Office so you can put it right there on your desk. It will also come with a "World's Best President" mug.

So, I hope to see you soon, Mr. President.

Sincerely,
Amy

P.S. If you'd prefer I confer the honorary degree upon you at your place, I can swing that too. I've got a free Southwest flight and they fly into Dulles.

Airplane Graveyard

I found a story, not a unique story, but one that is revised and updated periodically, about surplus airplanes and a facility in Marana, Arizona, northwest of Tucson, that is a storage yard and recycling point for commercial planes. The story recounted that the operators of the business stressed that they are not an airplane graveyard, that they are a responsible for maintaining surplus aircraft in operating condition until they are returned to service.

So I decided to go off in search of an airplane graveyard.

Here's a link http://www.satellite-sightseer.com/id/1426 to an aerial view of Davis Monthan Air Force Base, Tucson, Arizona. Davis Monthan is sort of a graveyard for airplanes that are U.S. Government property. The images at the link will give some incredible detail to the photo at the right. Take a few minutes to zoom in and out, and grab the page surface to move the vantage point. I found the images amazing.

Davis Monthan is the home to, among many other units, 309 AMARG, the 309th Aerospace Maintenance and Regeneration Group, the people that are in charge of these surplus aircraft.. More about them on Monday. I'll also share an incredible airplane story I found that challenges the recent Hudson River landing.

The New Sweet Sioux

Remember last fall's football game between Northwestern and Illinois was the last go 'round for the Sweet Sioux trophy. The two schools decided to duck any more flack from people who found the trophy objectionable or insensitive or had nothing better to do than bitch and retired the tomahawk that has been the prize for the annual game since the 40's.

There are four choices for replacements for the Sweet Sioux tomahawk. The schools expect to announce the new trophy around each of their spring football games on April 25.

The four suggestions for the new series trophy include the following:
• The Land of Lincoln Trophy ­- A replica of Lincoln's stove pipe hat mounted on a piece of White Oak (Illinois' state tree).
• President's Trophy ­- Recognizing the four presidents associated with the state of Illinois ­ Lincoln, Grant, Reagan and Obama.
• The Popcorn Bowl -- Named after the Illinois state snack.
• Graham-Grange Fire Bell (original series trophy started in 1941 was a fire bell) -- Named after two of the greatest players at each school ­- Otto Graham of Northwestern and Red Grange of Illinois.

The Presidents Trophy, I'm OK with that. It's a bit of a stretch, but's it's ok.

The Land of Lincoln thing, that sounds totally lame, a giant license plate, maybe?

The Popcorn Bowl is of too little relevance to merit further comment.

That leaves us with the Graham-Grange Trophy. I can pirate a big chunk of information or redirect you to http://hailtopurple.com/grahamgrange.html Hail to Purple has done a great job showcasing this as the most desirable choice.

You can vote for one of these four choices by clicking here.

You can also nominate your own. This has possibilities. Let me know what you come up with.

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