The Vagrant and the Fern

On one of our vacations, we took a cruise that docked in Miami. Our plans included an extra day at the end to hang out in Miami before returning home. We decided to spend part of the day at a beach in the renowned South Beach area.

It was not without some trepidation that the beach trip was agreed upon. I reminded the Mrs of the trip, years earlier, when we had spent some time in Miami, and decided to stroll through the park out to "World Famous Miami Beach". As we passed the outdoor shower area where beachgoers can rinse off the sand and salt, we were startled by the unpleasant sight of a free spirited chap who was partaking in his morning ablutions. Told otherwise, we had stumbled upon some yahoo, naked as a jaybird, soaping up his flabby ass etc. as if he was home in the privacy of his shower, which I'm guessing he didn't have, neither the home nor the shower. "Just keep moving, kids, wow, look at those waves! "

So, this time, as we drove slowly along Collins Avenue, I was on the lookout for unusual pedestrians. We were the second or third car in line at a red light when a rather hirsute and unkempt chap sidled up on the sidewalk alongside our car, wheeling his belongings in front of him. As we watched, he leapt backward (as well as a hobbling hobo in a trenchcoat can leap, more like a slow motion lurch) and began a tirade that was directed at a potted fern on the stairs of a residence.

The fern, a more resolute being than Hairy Harry, held its position, as Hairy railed on, his arms waving, his demeanor becoming more animated by the moment.

Ever the image of self control, the fern stood its ground. We had now held our observation position through several cycles of the traffic signal, evoking horns, hollers and gestures from the cars who passed us. This excitement served only to spur Hairy to greater levels of disenchantement with the fern, as Hairy seemed to think that passersby were supporting his argument.

Finally, Hairy threw both arms skyward in disgust, dismissed the fern, reclaimed his shopping cart condo and resumed shuffling. Amazed and highly amused, we drove on, having been grandly entertained by this singular display of disorientation.

Two stoplights ahead, and this is the absolute truth, an individual who could have passed for Hairy's long lost twin shuffled into view. There were no ferns in sight, but new Hairy II flew into a rage nonetheless and began his own highly animated tirade against an unseen antagonist. We didn't need a second show, so as the light turned green we headed on for the beach.

World Famous Miami Beach, that is.