Point Spread Mania

Gotta move fast, strike and score today. We have ground to make up: a .500 record is within stiking distance. Trick or treat?

Iowa @ Illinois –2
Up and down, down and up, the Illini, the highly talented, highly touted Illini, are 4-4 as they welcome the Iowa Hawkeyes to Champaign. The Illini got whupped by Wisconsin last week, 27-17. The Hawks are on a two game win streak, interrupted with a bye week. They have a 5-3 record and are feeling reborn. Both teams will have 5-4 records come Sunday morning.
The over and under on this game is 50. It will have gone over before its over .

Northwestern @ Minnesota –7
The ‘Cats lost their leading rusher and probably their quarterback to injury in last week’s disaster at Indiana. Omar Conteh will do well as the running back. Mike Kafka, well, the jury’s out on him as the QB. Minnesota is 4-0 at home in the dome. Minnesota stays undefeated, and the scoring stays under the 44 point limit.

Iowa State @ Oklahoma State –30.5
I have a weakness for big spread games. OK State lost to #1 Texas last week, and they are going to score 1.3million points against the Cyclones this week to make themselves feel better.

Missouri –21.5 @ Baylor
It’s getting to the time of year when coaches like to pile it on to try to shine up their teams’ rankings. The money is huge in favor of Mizzou. Take ‘em.

Washington @USC –45
I look for Pete Carroll’s Trojans to try to annihilate Tyrone’s Washington. 45’s a lot of points. Buckle up!

Wisconsin @ Michigan State –5
Sparty is going to send the Badgers back to the other side of the pond with a butt whippin’. Wisconsin used up their charms last week on the Illini.

Washington State at Stanford –30.5
Washington State is inept. That is by acclaim. Jim Harbaugh’s Cardinal don’t get many opportunities to really paste anyone, so they’re unlikely to pass this one up.

Spring Ahead, Fall Behind

The ritual of changing the clocks is one of the dumbest acts we humans have programmed for ourselves.

In the 1880's, the railroads in North America instituted standard time zones. This seems to me to have been a really good idea, particularly for the railroads. Imaging chugging your big ol' iron horse into Podunk, Iowa, and having the conductor leap to the station platform and pull out his stopwatch to check to see that the train's on time. He notices there isn't a soul in sight to board the train. He walks in to the station, where the station master informs him of the source of his error. "Here in Podunk, we're on Iowa reformed time, yessir, so your train should have been here 37 minutes ago, or we might be waiting for you in an hour or so, unless this is the fourth Tuesday of thresher season., when you were here yesterday."

So we got standard time zones, including Canada, because you know how troublesome those Canadians could be, with their Mounties and their grizzly bears and their mountain men and all.

In 1918 the Standard Time Act was established and daylight savings time came with it. It was so popular that the act was repealed in 1919. Daylight savings time became a "local matter".

In February 1942 daylight savings time was reinstituted on a national scale, staying in place until September of 1945. For the next twenty years, America would wander through space and time, with no one telling it to change clocks.

Then came 1966 and the Uniform Time Act, stipulating that the clocks would go back and forth on the last Sunday in April and the last Sunday in October. Except where local custom prevailed.

Then came the energy crisis. In response to widespread gas shortages, increasing prices and long lines at the pump, our American Congress responded with earlier starting dates for daylight savings time. In 1974, when there was no gasoline to put in your Chrysler Cordoba with the soft Corinthian leather upholstery, daylight savings time began on January 6. Hip-hip, hooray!? Hold on, there, Ricardo. That didn't solve everything, so daylight savings time was changed to February 23 for 1975. Huzzah!? No.

In 1976 we went back to the April dates. We disco'd on.

In 1986, another revelation occurred. It seems we had the start date wrong (oh, no!), so that date was revised to the first Sunday of April for 1987. The ending date, thankfully, was unchanged, to the relief of the nation.

For nearly twenty years this appeared to be the solution (I'm sorry, I don't recall what the problem was/is, but we are all about solutions!). Then, the Energy Policy Act of 2005 was passed (and we all know how well that's been going, the whole American National Energy Policy thing) and it decreed that thou shalt wait until MMVII and changeth the daylight savings timeth to begin on the second Sunday of March and maintaineth this time until the first Sunday in November.

So that's where we're at now in MMVIII, and three billion Chinese don't give a year of the rat's ass what time it is in Podunk where there's still nobody on the train, and you still gotta remember to change all those clocks in your house and your car and maybe your cellphone unless it's automatic and the guy on the Sunday morning polka show will laugh and remind you to fix the Betamax clock, too. Solutions, that's what we're all about here, solutions.

That is all.

Hugh Hefner is Not Blind

Hugh Hefner, pictured here with three Rhodes Scholars, is not blind. He is wearing those shades to look fashionable. Whether or not he actually manages to pull off that look is immaterial, as he is 82 years old -yes, 82- and he keeps company with people like those pictured here. He does not have to pay for their company, either, as I imagine your average 82 year old guy would have to do in order to achieve this level of , um , company. One of the three in the picture is Mr. Hefner's former main squeeze, who is referred to in the gossip columns as his former lover. I don't know which of the three it is, and I don't think it much matters, as they all appear to be blessed with or have acquired similar qualifications.

The first edition of Playboy Magazine was published in 1953, featuring Marilyn Monroe, who, had she not croaked 46 years ago, would be the same age as Mr. Hefner, and would not likely be displacing any of the companions in the photo.

I was in the process of assembling various Hefner factoids in order to explain in some depth who he is and what he has accomplished. Then I took another look at the picture, and it struck me that Mr. Hefner is (A) given credit for having a recent former lover, an unusual credit for 82 year old men considered as a group, and (B) the grandmother of said former lover is likely to be younger than Mr. Hefner.

That is all.

I Wish They'd Go Away

You know how we all love to jump on the bandwagon when there's a new popular phrase or punchline and we all use it and use it and use it and then it gets worn out and we all stop saying it and we're all relieved that we don't hear it anymore? Exhale, yes, I know, that was a big run on sentence.

It's more aggravating when it's a character or group of characters who weren't original or weren't all that interesting or are just plain dumb, and they keep on showing up, and they simply won't go away.

Example #1: the Superfans. These three nitwits and their banal simpering "da Bears" and "da Coach" still show up at all manner of events, dressed like they've dressed for years, telling the same jokes they've told for years, are the champs of the wont' go away group. They were funny when they were fresh. Kathleen Turner was a hottie once, too, but that ain't been the case for years, either.

Example #2: the phony Blues Brothers, local edition. These two reprise the roles that they didn't make famous and show up to all manner of events to skulk around in dark suits, fedoras and sunglasses. The originals were performers, and that ended twenty five years ago. Save the look for little guys at Halloween, where it looks really cool for little guys.

Example #2A: the phony Blue Brothers, national edition. This has been John Goodman and Jim Belushi's sin. Goodman has gone away, and for that we are grateful. Jim Belushi isn't going anywhere, and while he visits the music from time to time (e.g. the hokey Cub fan rally that preceded Cubflop 2008, a.k.a. Cflop 100), at least he doesn't dress up all the time.

Example #3: the screwballs in the green (usually) zoot suits. Dressed like the weasels from Roger Rabbit, these knuckleheads get credit for pioneering a look, and blame for not moving on. They're pretty harmless compared to the aforementioned curiousities, but they have taken pointless to a whole new level.

Example #4: the king of the wish-they-would-go-aways, Ronnie Woo Woo. What can you say about this guy that is less than vicious and spiteful? A favorite of the local media, this former toothless vagrant has parlayed a highly annoying, verge of idiocy, vocal affectation into free admission to games, countless other freebies, and the biggest freebie of all, free teeth when some dentist fixed him up out of kindness of his heart or maybe to be known as the dentist of choice for toothless vagrants. I heard that he (Woo Woo, not the dentist) showed up at Sox Park during the playoffs and tried his lame-o shtick there, to a less-than-loving response. For his own safety, if he's gonna keep up his shrieking, Ronnie needs to keep it confined to the confines of Wiggley, where they tolerate that stuff or are too blitzed to notice.

Example #5: fat guys dressed like Vegas Elvis. I'm reluctant to include these guys, 'cause there are very few things funnier than watching some untalented, flaccid fool prance around in a big bell bottomed body suit, flop sweat rolling out from under a nylon wig and sporting glue-on mutton chop sideburns, calling people "baby" and acting like they're excited - in a positive way- that he's there. This is entertaining in an unintended way, kind of like watching when a street mime does something extra stupid.

Who did I miss? Let me know.

The Wannie Factor

Last week, I was ever so excited that I had figured out the Dave Wannstedt equation and could now wager successfully on his Pitt Panthers. This week, the harsh reality of life with Wannie has returned. Same story with the Flighty Illini.

I have a headache.

Minnesota +1 @ Purdue
Minn 17, Purdue 6
Minnesota is a team on the rise. Purdue is floundering. Northwestern, coming off a bad loss and having just sustained injuries to key offensive players, is next on Minnesota's schedule.
"W"
Illinois –2.5 @ Wisconsin
Wisconsin 27, Illinois 17
...particularly when Juice Williams behaves.
Williams was intercepted three times. Illinois loses. Duh.
"L"
Rutgers @ Pittsburgh –9.5
Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey 54, Pitt 34

Pitt is real good, Rutgers isn’t.

There's some kind of bad mojo here, like an ex-Cub factor or a 100 year Cubs factor, or let's just call it the Wannie Factor. Until Wannie's Pitt Panthers presented themselves, the biggest scoring uprising from dear old Rutgers in 2008 was 38 points, said total being amassed against renowned football powerhouse Morgan State. Morgan State, I learned, is located on the northeast side of Baltimore. From the Morgan State website: The University awards more bachelor's degrees to African-American students than any campus in Maryland.

So, there.

"L"
Notre Dame -11 @ Washington

University of SoBend 33, Tyrone's Washington 7
They are, however, going to go out and kick their old coach’s butt on Saturday.

Tyrone appears to have executed the Peter Principle illustrated, twice. I thought that Willingham had been done a disservice when he was sent packing by the University of South Bend. Turns out they were cutting their losses. When Washington lets him go, I don't see anyone rushing in to hire TW.

"W"

Two up and two down for the week. Boring. Still stuck at three under.

Football Week 9

This week, #9, finds us at 3 fewer wins than losses as the weekend starts, and having had a pretty darn good week last week just to get this close to where I began. Here’s what I think for this week.

Minnesota +1 @ Purdue
Minnesota appears to have an edge here in what began as a pick ‘em game. The edge is that they aren’t Purdue. Purdue has played some quality teams and performed relatively well. They lost respectably to Ohio State and Penn State before getting blown out by Northwestern. The infighting has begun. They’re 2-5 and have 4 consecutive losses. My nickel says Minnesota hands the Boilers another loss.

Illinois –2.5 @ Wisconsin
The Illini can play with anyone when they’re playing within themselves, particularly when Juice Williams behaves. I believe that the whipping’ they put on Indiana last week may have shown the players what the coach knows, follow instructions and win big. Wisconsin has shown nothing, double nothing given that they were expected to play with the big boys this season. The Badgers, like the Boilers, have lost 4 in a row. Picking two teams to lose their fifth in a row, whew, no guts no glory.

Rutgers @ Pittsburgh –9.5
I’m flush with success, having picked a Wannie winner last week. This one seems simple to me: Pitt is real good, Rutgers isn’t.

Notre Dame -11 @ Washington
I am violating two policies here. I do not like to wager on the University of South Bend. I do not like to acknowledge them, period. They are, however, going to go out and kick their old coach’s butt on Saturday.

That is U of W Stadium at the left. Is that as cool as it gets, or what?

That’s it. Four games, that’s all I have.

Grey's and Gray's

Another one of the occurrences that makes life at my house challenging on a regular basis is the intrusion of the absurd TV hospital inmates from Grey's Anatomy. These wannabe doctors spend inordinate amounts of time screwing up, screwing each other, whining, crying, cohabitating, being amazed by day to day hospital stuff and behaving pretty much like you would expect a group of high school sophomores to behave were they turned loose in you local hospital. Mrs. PFOS is a loyal watcher of Grey's Anatomy, so the big screen ushers the precocious doctor-kids into our house every week.

Were these people real, I have to think that the hospital would be devoid of patients, loaded with lawsuits and under attack by regulators. In the espisode to which I was most recently subjected, two female m.d.'s launched their new career as lesbians, one of the others was reading a manual to diagnose a patient who was flopping around on a gurney like a crazed carp, two others were trading a tumor patient back and forth...I would run, run like the wind, were I sent to a loony bin like this for work.

The show is named, of course, after Meredith Grey, the character who is the most saccharine, the least focused, the most promiscuous of all. Inspiring.

The show's title is a play on Gray's Anatomy, the famous medical book first published in England in the year 1858. The book is still being published today. Henry Gray would never make it in Meredith Grey's world.

Henry Gray, in pursuit of his idea to create an anatomy textbook for students, worked with Dr. Henry VanDyke Carter for 18 months disecting unclaimed cadavers and making detailed presentations of their findings. Henry Gray died of smallpox at age 34, three years after the book was first published. Gray's has been revised and enhanced in each edition since the beginning, turning into a compendium of medical knowledge reflective of the respective time of each edition. A quick search on Ebay showed back editions for sale starting at just a few bucks.

So, thank heaven for Henry Gray. I can only hope that the other Grey completes her training and goes into private practice with Kate Walsh, the Cadillac commercial babe who escaped from this hatch a couple seasons ago. Her new show sucks enough that it has a good chance to be canceled, bringing happiness to many. To me, anyway.

Guy Ritchie, Hero

I confess. Two weeks ago I didn't know who Guy Ritchie was. Today I know.

Guy Ritchie is a hero.

Guy Ritchie just agreed to a divorce from his wife and she's ponying up $60 million, give or take a few quid. His soon to be ex-wife is Madonna.


Guy is getting a 1,200 acre country estate, a London pub, and cash. Madonna is keeping about 85% of her wealth, but she's giving Guy the heave-ho.


So, fellas, the precedent has been set. If your partner wants to boot you, your asking price is $60 million.


Start saving, girls.

Thank You, and Thank You for the Lesson, Too

HSHSQB got whacked and taught me just how kind people can be.

Translate, please.

My son, to whom I refer in certain circles as HSHSQB (Hot Shot High School Quarterback), took a vicious --and legal-- hit in the final minutes of his opening game this year. He's been hit hard before, he's landed in the ER before. We thought little of it. He continued to play for the next few days before confessing to the trainer (not to the parents, mind you) that he had a problem. Trainer sends kid to rehab place, rehab place says see doctor, doctor says big injury, kid gets scheduled for season ending surgery. Bang-bang-bang. And bang.

Between bang 3 and bang 4 is where the schooling began.

We have been fortunate to have avoided major injuries with the boy, and with the other kids before him, although the occasional guest author/daughter did run herself into a stress fracture as track athlete. A digression here, she has subsequently become a marathon runner, having completed the L.A. and now Chicago marathons, a feat which impresses me beyond expression.

Back at the current kid...after all the bangs, he, his mother and his father were all pretty bummed.

Then you started.

The things you have done have made such an impact on us, I can't thank you enough. Here's a partial list...

• Jess, coming over, bringing movies, spending time, you are so sweet


• Donna Kiewbawls, your selection of a birthday gift was inspired!


• Theresa, my telephone confidant, reminding me that we're not alone


• Linda, stopping by school, more than once, to offer concern and guidance, so appreciated
• Bob, your concern and insight into what the kid's feeling, right on target
• Patty, picking up the mom's spirits and concerned about the kid, we are so grateful
• Tim, your understanding and support have been very, very important
• ScottBob and Patty, you are special 'cause you make others feel that way
• Laurie, thank you for coming by, come more often
• Don, you called, out of the blue, and gave me peace of mind at a time when I really needed it
• My co-workers, my business associates, so many of you from HRI, PPD, GE, Penske, Mesirow, Tony Sr and Tony Jr, Big Mike, and many others whom I cannot at this moment recall, your kindness and concern has been very important to me
• The Mom's co-workers and all the teachers who've expressed support, it makes a difference, it really does
• HSHSQB's teachers, each of whom responded with "whatever you need"
• The boy's coaches, who made sure he stayed involved
• Petey and Margaret, I simply cannot express how much we appreciate your friendship
• Officer Tony, you are a peach
• Dziadi i Buszi, kocham cie
• Godmother and the kids, thank you

There's more, I'm sorry, I can't remember. You all collaborated, each with your independent actions, to teach me a lesson in how very kind, caring and compassionate people can be. I haven't been in this position before. Neither have I been pro-active towards others who have been there. That's the lesson you've taught me. Reach out.

Thank you for your kindness, and thank you for teaching me how important it is to reach out.

Monday Morning Football Scoreboard

No wager on it, but how 'bout them 'Cats!!! Northwestern's big thumping of Purdue over the weekend sends the 'Cats to 6-1. They're headed for Indiana this coming Saturday

.

As for PFOS, well, Saturday was berry berry good for me, flirting with perfection, were it not for a missed game winning field goal by Connecticut and a lay-down like I've never before seen by Michigan in the second half of their game.

I went 6-2 for the weekend to make up some of the year-to-date deficit, going from 7 under to 3 under .500 for the year. The game by game:

HAWAII +26½ @ BOISE STATE
Boise 27, Hawaii 7
Boise goes to 6-0, perfect. The bigger number is that they are now 30-0 against their WAC opponents on the SmurfTurf. The Rainbows hung in there, trailing only 10-7 at the half. Boise's D-backs had fun in the second half with a mittful of interceptions, but Hawaii stayed within the points.
"W"
CONNECTICUT +0 @ RUTGERS
Rutgers 12, Connecticut 10
The Connecticut kicker clammed a kick and killed the comeback as the clock clicked down. Onomonpoiea? No, alliteration. Words like "BOOM" or "CLANG" are onomonpoeia. Kid CLANGED a 42 yarder to cost his team, and me.
"L"
WISCONSIN +3½ @ IOWA
Iowa 38, Wisconsin 16
My choice is the Hawks at home, as the Badgers season flirts with train wreck stature.

Iowa is rejoicing, they knocked the Badgers around at will. When Wisconsin is good, they look really good. When they're bad, like they are now, they look like the Russian national football team. If there was a Russian national football team. It's not going to get easier, the Illini are coming to visit next, comrades.
"W"
USC -46@ WASHINGTON STATE
USC Trojans 69, Washington State -0-
I think that the Trojans will work out on the Cougars...
Did they ever! Pete Carroll let the starters play the first half. The second and third levels of the Trojans played the second half of the game and they were still too, too much for this unfortunate Washington State group. This is the 4th time that Washington State has surrendered 60 or more points this year. What a mess...
"W"
PITTSBURGH –3 @ NAVY
Pitt Panthers 42, US Naval Academy Midshipmen 21
how I love ya, how I love ya, my dear old Waaanie...Man, does that feel good to get one right on Pitt! They've been tough for me to handicap, but I am so excited to get this one right, even though Mrs. PFOS and I are Navy football fans. Navy battled right to the end, punching in a TD with :20 left on the clock. You gotta love these guys!
"W"
OHIO STATE –3½ @ MICHIGAN STATE
Ohio State 45, Michigan State 7
Terrel and Beanie will carry the Bucks. Terrel threw for a TD and ran for a TD, and Beanie ran for 2 TD's. We are an anti OSU household, but you have to give them credit for being very, very good. I'm pleased to see a resurgent Michigan State program, but I think the beat down they got on Saturday was good for quieting a rather obnoxious group of fans. Speaking of fans, MSU's stadium had pretty much emptied out long before the game ended. What's up with that?
"W"
TOLEDO @ NORTHERN ILLINOIS –7½
Northern Illinois Huskies 38, Toledo 7
the Rockets spent everything they had last week at Michigan, and a letdown is unavoidable.
Yes, the Rockets sputtered as predicted, and the Huskies did not waste their opportunity, avenging last year's loss to Toledo in a big way.
"W"
MICHIGAN +24 @ PENN STATE
Penn State 46, Michigan 17
Michigan needs redemption...Michigan needs a lot more than redemption. They need a quarterback, some running backs, a few receivers, a complete defensive unit, a place to hide...MICHIGAN SUCKS!!! Michigan led in this game, 17-7, believe it or not. Then PSU ran off score after score. There's all this bs in the press about new Michigan coach Rich Rodriguez needing to get personnel who fit his spread offense. BEEEE-ESSSSS! What's the excuse on the other side of the ball? Write it down: MICHIGAN SUCKS. The performance was witnessed by the 4th largest crowd in the history of Penn State, around 110,000. THEY were happy.
"L"
INDIANA @ ILLINOIS -16 1/2
Illinois 55, Indiana Hoosiers 14

Illinois in a rout...When they don't try to be more than they are, the Illini are an absolute handful. This stubby little tailback they unveiled, Ford, had over 150 yards rushing in his debut. Arrelious Benn looked NFL-worthy. Juice Williams played intelligently, with restraint, showed judgement, in other words he did everything that he doesn't usually do, so he looked fabulous. There was one impressive Illinois scoring drive early in the second half that looked like a tutorial, as the Illini used every offensive weapon at least one time in the drive, leaving a befuddled Indiana team not knowing what hit them. Illinois heads north to Madison this coming Saturday to try to make the Badgers' season a bit more miserable.

"W"

The year to date record is now 27-30-2. STP Partners, which is a pick and choose of games picked here, hit a big one and a little one on Saturday and then GOT HIT by a horseshoe to win another. Very profitable weekend, and please, folks...Start Wearing Purple!

Week 8 Will Be My Redemption!

It's the 8th week of this charade, and as a practicing numeroligist, I predict that I will lose one more than I win this week. That will take me from 7 under .500 after 7 weeks to 8 under after 8 weeks. Flawless numerology based logic, except that prediction is coming from a man who is 7 under .500.
In order to assure that I break the bad mojo, I have this week prognosticated eight results, thereby making the -8 impossible.

Unless there's a tie.


HAWAII +26½ @ BOISE STATE
Hawaii is 3-3, 1-2 on the road. Boise State is 5-0, 3-0 on the Smurf blue field on the western edge of Idaho. Popular opinion is that Hawaii is a fallen too far defending conference champion. Boise likes to run up the score at home. It's supposed to be pleasant weather on Saturday in Boise, so the Rainbows won't be worried about freezing to death. My guess is that Hawaii can stay within the spread.
CONNECTICUT +0 @ RUTGERS
This game is a pick-em. No points. Just pick a winner, like on the confidence pools. CT comes in with a 5-1 record. Rutgers, the state university of New Jersey, is 1-5. I pick Connecticut. They are the Huskies, by the way.
WISCONSIN +3½ @ IOWA
This is going to be a fun game to see. Wisconsin was included in reviews of the nation's power teams in the preseason. Iowa wasn't picked to do anything, and they haven't , though their fans have whined more than the transmission on my dad's old '63 BelAire. Iowa is 3-4; they beat the snot out of Indiana last week. Wisconsin is 3-3, they've lost 3 in a row (to Michigan, Ohio State and a pounding last week at home from Penn State). My choice is the Hawks at home, as the Badgers season flirts with train wreck stature.
USC -46@ WASHINGTON STATE
Yeah, yeah, here we go again with the giant point spreads. OK, so I'm an addict, of sorts. USC can score on anyone, anytime. On the other hand, the Cougars of Washington State have given up 66 points--TWICE!-- and 63 points another time. I think that the Trojans will work out on the Cougars, whom I have just heard described by a coaches panel as "inept". GO TROJANS!!!
PITTSBURGH –3 @ NAVY
Waaaanie, how I love ya, how I love ya, my dear old Waaanie...hell, I never get this guy right, but I'm coming back at him again. Stuttering Dave and the Panthers (my high school garage band's name, too) to prevail over the Middies. I think Pitt's played a tougher schedule, and Wannie will get his D ready to work on the Navy veer.
OHIO STATE –3½ @ MICHIGAN STATE
Both teams are 6-1 right now. This could be a breakout game for the MSU program. If it is, THE Ohio State University will be relegated to also ran status for the remainder of this season. Terrel and Beanie will carry the Bucks. Ohio State will win this game and cover.


TOLEDO @ NORTHERN ILLINOIS –7½
Toledo is coming off a historic win against Michigan in Ann Arbor last week. Northern is a good team. Toledo is 2-4, the Huskies are 3-3, 2-0 at home. I think the Rockets spent everything they had last week at Michigan, and a letdown is unavoidable. Take the Huskies.
MICHIGAN +24 @ PENN STATE
This is the other side of the coin, with Michigan coming off the worst loss imaginable, the first time a Michigan team has lost to a MAC team. Penn State beat the hell out of Wisconsin in Cheeseland last week. Michigan needs redemption. I don't think they'll win, but I think they'll stay within the spread here.
INDIANA @ ILLINOIS -16 1/2
Another MOWL pick (Mighty One Week Late). Indiana is going to visit Champaign and Coach Zook will have the Illini ready to rumble. Illinois in a rout.

A Special Gift for You

http://www.palinaspresident.us/

Click on different items. Some items can be used two or three times.

Courtesy of my daughter. Enjoy!

Clay Aiken and Other Revelations

People Magazine had the hottest issue of the millenium (we don't use "millenium" much anymore, so I thought I'd give it a little exercise) with it's Clay Aiken - "Yes, I'm Gay" issue. This is an expose of one of the worst kept secrets ever. Ever since Clay swished into our collective consciousness, gaydars across the universe have been sounding off with abandon. It doesn't change the fact that he's talented and has a lot of fans, but folks are paying a lot to hear Clay tell them the obvious.

It gave me the idea that we can emulate People's huge success by publishing confessions of a lot of other celebrities, having sensational tell-all's like Clay Aiken. Here are a few that come to mind.

Paris Hilton speaks out: I HAVE NO ACTUAL TALENT!!!

John Goodman speaks out: I FEEL FAT SOMETIMES!

Homer Simpson speaks out: I AM NOT A REAL PERSON!!!

1985 Bears speak out: WE HAVEN'T WON ANYTHING IN 20 YEARS!

George W. Bush speaks out: I DON'T HAVE A CLUE...WHAT WAS THE QUESTION?

LaToya Jackson speaks out: BOOB FLOP WAS NO ACCIDENT!!

Notre Dame fans admit: WE LIVE IN THE PAST!!

Tom Selleck exclusive: I'M TOO OLD TO GET HOTTIES ANYMORE!!

Rod Blagojevich interview: I HAVE PLASTIC HAIR!!

Wrigley field exposed: THERE ARE BASEBALL GAMES AT THIS TAVERN!!!

Burger King's King speaks: I'M CREEPY AND PROUD!!

Drop me a line, what revelations would you add?

Eat Good Stuff

This is not another horror story about killing yourself with breakfast! Today, a list of foods that are supposed to make you live longer. The happy seven, from Eating Well Magazine:

Chocolate --

Blueberries--

Fish--

Nuts--

Wine--

Olive Oil--

Yogurt

Why are these good for us?

Chocolate provides flavanols. Actually, it’s cocoa that we’re looking for here, in order to get the flavanols without the fat. Flavanols help preserve the healthy function of blood vessels, thereby lowering the risk of blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, kidney disease and dementia. So, this is not meant to encourage us to shove a ton of Fannie May down our respective pie holes and become morbidly obese in the interest of improved health. Have a bracing cup of cocoa instead.

Blueberries and other berries have compounds that mitigate inflammation and oxidative damage, Translation: good against age related deficits in memory and motor function. Berries are berry good for you.

Fish provides omega-3 fats, and that’s good to protect against cholesterol buildup. I believe that you don’t get the whole healthy kick if you order a deep fried fish sammich and a giant fries chaser. That deep fried thing, along with the white bread and special fishy sauce, tends to work against you.

Nuts provide unsaturated fats, lots of vitamins, minerals and antioxidants. Put away the Ruffles and substitute Planters.

Wine, particularly red wine, works against heart disease, diabetes and age related memory loss. By the way, as soon as they said "wine", they said "moderation".

Olive oil does the good stuff that nuts do. Bell peppers, sautéed in olive oil. Oooooo…so good. Healthy, too.

Yogurt is kinda iffy here. A bunch of old Russians claimed in the '70's that yogurt was the secret to their longevity. Science has only proved up on the calcium being helpful and the good bacteria helps you have happy intestines. Happy intestines make for happy...I don't know, but I'm sure it's a good thing. Eat blueberry yogurt and do a double dipper here.

Bon appetit!

007 x 6

Who is your favorite 007?

There have been six actors thus far who have portrayed James Bond in feature films. The original was Sean Connery, who began the Bond brand, starring in the first five films and then again in #7. The first five Sean Connery Bond films were:

Dr. No (1962)
From Russia with Love (1963)
Goldfinger (1964)
Thunderball (1965)
You Only Live Twice (1967)

George Lazenby became 007 in 1969, starring in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service. George wasn't well received (his Bond was pretty sucky compared to what everyone was accustomed to), so he was one and done as a super spy. He looks more like a postman than a superspy.

Sean Connery Returned in 1971 in Diamonds are Forever. Diamonds, yes, not Connery; no more Bond for him after this one.

In 1973, the Roger Moore era of seven 007’s began. Moore was already well known from TV as The Saint, a spy guy himself. Moore's Bond was more refined than Connery's, and it worked well. The Roger Moore 007 films were:
Live and Let Die (1973)
The Man With the Golden Gun (1974)
The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)
Moonraker (1979)
For Your Eyes Only (1981)
Octopussy (1983)
A View to the Kill (1985)

Next up, Timothy Dalton, two movies, The Living Daylights (1987) and License to Kill (1989). Dalton, a very talented and successful actor elsewhere, was kind of creepy as Bond. I have no recollection of The Living Daylights, and License to Kill was blechhhh. Twenty years earlier, Dalton had been offered the Bond for On Her Majesty's Secret Service (that Lazenby got) and declined.

Pierce Brosnan (remember Remington Steele?) became Bond #6 and stayed there for four films:
Golden Eye (1995)
Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)
The World is Not Enough (1999)
Die Another Day (2002)

Finally, we were introduced to the current Bond, Daniel Craig, in 2002. He’s done two films so far.
Casino Royale (2006)

Quantum of Solace (Newly Released)

Now, I thought there would be no better Bond than Sean Connery. The original and the best, as they say. Fighting Odd Job, the giant Asian guy, what could be cooler?

Roger Moore was very good, very convincing, very likable (and he bagged Ann-Margret, one of the hottest hotties of her day).

Pierce Brosnan was better than I expected him to be. He's one of the most likable actors I can think of, also one of the bravest actors (have you seen the movie version of Mama Mia where he sings? he's surely courageous... a horrible singer), and his 007 films were really good.

The new guy, Daniel Craig, after one movie, is now my favorite. Part of the reason is that his Bond revealed character flaws and weaknesses, his Bond is darker, brooding, much different than any Bond before. The new movie is about to pop, I'm ready.

Who's yours?

Weekend Review: Football Futility #7

Another sucktacular weekend of prognostications that could theoretically be just as successful by flipping a coin.

Louisville –6 ½ @ Memphis
Cardinals 35, Tigers 28
Memphis accumulated lots of numbers: more yards, more time of possession, more first downs and ultimately more screwed the pooch plays. The idea was to bet against Memphis, and it worked. Louisville had 3 TD's off Memphis mistakes, and a good thing they did, because the Louisville offense couldn't execute worth a darn.
"W"
Iowa –5 ½ @ Indiana
Iowa 45, Indiana 9
"I think Iowa is ready for a breakout game." All those frustrated Hawkeye fans found redemption in Bloomington as their team pummeled the Hoosiers. Ricky Stanzi has taken over as the Iowa QB, unfortunately for the deposed pride of Lockport, Jake Christiansen. For me, this one ran true to form.
"W"
Minnesota @ Illinois –12
Gophers 27, Illini 20
"I think that the Illini are ready to step up to the elite level that they and their fans so desperately covet. Pounding the crap out of Minnesota in front of an adoring home crowd is just what they need." Hahahahhahhhaaaa...don't bet these guys ever again, they are the Sybil of college football. A Minnesota team that is now 6-1 made a mess of a really talented Illinois team. It's tough to single out players, but Juice Wiliams is way too inconsistent for my comfort. He gives you great plays and terrible plays, no way to know which is coming. A ton of talent, he can do things that are simply amazing, but...
"L"
Michigan State @ Northwestern +2
Sparty 37, 'Cats 20
First of all, is there a more annoying commentator in the whole world than Pam Ward? She sucks the energy right out of the show, and when she takes a crack at spontaneity it's sooo pathetically lame. I'd have put on the radio broadcast, but there's no synch between it and the satellite picture so you get a headache like cousin Eddie walking past a microwave.
On the other hand, Brooke Shields, doing the Volkswagen commercials, looks awesome, just sayin'. Back at the contest ---
"This week, I think I can see clearly." I think I saw clearly, but that was if NU actually came to play. The 'Cats were a comedy act in the first half, with their kicking teams stumbling and fumbling around like blindfolded guys in a dark room. Sucked. Nine times they gave MSU a starting position of the 40 yard line or better. Sucked. 17 early points off turnovers. Sucked. Pass coverage was mostly a passing thought, linebackers waving at guys motoring past and the safeties seeming to be in the wrong place or too late. Sucked. CJ Bacher made his usual errors in judgement to facilitate an uphill battle from the outset. Not to minimize the winners' performance; the Spartans did their share of positive stuff here, too; NU got its butt kicked and kicked by a pretty good football team. But they shoulda coulda been right there, remove the crash and burn beginning and their stats were great.
"L"
Texas @ Oklahoma –7
Longhorns 45, Sooners 35
I picked Oklahoma because they were at home and because I felt they had played a stronger schedule. I still believe that they have played the more difficult schedule because they just got thumped by the new #1 team. Props to the 'Horns, they were outstanding.
"L"
Vanderbilt @ Mississippi State +2 ½
Misisissippi 17, Vandy 14
"more than the Commodores can overcome." Some of the numbers in Miss State's favor this day: 1st downs 16-7, total yards 260-109, time of possession 36:24. Vanderbilt departs the unbeaten ranks.
"W"
Penn State @ Wisconsin +5
Penn State 48, Wisconsin 7
"I think that the Badgers at home plus the points will get the job done. " HAHAHAHHAHHAAHHAHHAHHAHHAAAAHHHAAAHHAHA...I'm going back to polka music...
"L"

PATHETIC, defined: 21-28-2 for the season.

3-4 for the week. 7 under .500 for the year. Suck, suck, suck. And suck. Fortuntely, STP Investments added an additional game (Hawaii, Pete's Perfect Pick) and a NASCAR bet (Jeff Burton @ +450), so the portfolio value increased over the weekend.

There's always next Friday!

Big Exciting Super Terrific Football Weekend

Big, big, big week for football. Did I say big week? Big week. I’m stuck at 6 games under .500 on the season, and I made absolutely no progress last week in catching up.

Louisville –6 ½ @ Memphis
Louisville has been one of those “stay away” teams this year. They look good to start, then they look not so good, then there’s flashes of excitement, then there’s periods of high sucknicity. Memphis is the team I’m betting on, actually, betting against. They’re 3-3, having lost to the three decent teams they’ve played and beaten the three overmatched teams that wandered into their range. Heads up: Friday night game!

Iowa –5 ½ @ Indiana
The Hawkeyes are having a really tough year. They’re 3-3, with their only quality win coming against Iowa State. Their 3 losses have been by 1 point, 5 points and 3 points, respectively. They look like their always on the verge of being good. Indiana is 2-3, beating a couple of tomato cans and getting trimmed by their quality opponents. While Indiana played well at Minnesota last week, I think Iowa is ready for a breakout game.

Minnesota @ Illinois –12
Minnesota is coming off a reassuring 16-7 win at home. They’re a good team when they play well…and that’s not as goofy as it sounds. Illinois is a highly powerful team that can be devastating when they play well. Illinois is returning home after a big win at Michigan last week. They will be guarding against the letdown that so often follows a big win. I think that the Illini are ready to step up to the elite level that they and their fans so desperately covet. Pounding the crap out of Minnesota in front of an adoring home crowd is just what they need.

Michigan State @ Northwestern +2
I often shy away from betting the ‘Cats one way or another because I’m afraid I can’t see them objectively. This week, I think I can see clearly. They’re getting 2 points and they’re going to win this one straight up, no points needed. This one goes off @ 2:30.

Texas @ Oklahoma –7
Biggest game of the weekend, 5-0 Longhorns coming to tee it up with the 5-0, top ranked Sooners. Texas has won 3 of their games by identical 52-10 scores. Their season to date scoring is 252- 57. Oklahoma has cracked 50 three times themselves, and their season total is 248-69. The seven point spread has some home team points sprinkled in there. On strength of schedule, I think the Sooners can gitterdone. 11:00 a.m. on ABC.

Vanderbilt @ Mississippi State +2 ½
This one’s based on a couple of laws. The first is the “rare air” law. Vandy has run its record to 5-0, and I think they’re in a place that is very, very unfamiliar. That creates undue tension, which in turn creates, um, problems. The second law is “follow up”. After a big win, teams tend to lose focus. Last week, Vandy posted the biggest win they’ve had in many, many years. This week, I think that the convergence of the two laws is going to be more than the Commodores can overcome.

Penn State @ Wisconsin +5
Penn State cost me last weekend, not covering against Purdue. I don’t hold it ag’in ‘em. I do think they can be had. Wisconsin has thumped some good teams and lost to Michigan in the miracle game and Ohio State by just 3 points. I think that the Badgers at home plus the points will get the job done. Game time is 7:00 p.m. on CBS.

Good Morning, Tubby

Men’s Health Magazine reviewed the worst breakfast foods, and the results are enough to make you lose your appetite. Eating breakfast is important: you’ll eat less over the course of a day, start off your day sharper, there’s a laundry list of good things that come from taking time for a morning meal.

While I have plenty of bad habits, junk food for breakfast is not among them. I have been in the habit for a long time of making regular old boring oatmeal for breakfast in the microwave most every morning. My son has adopted the habit, too. It takes 7 minutes to prepare. The stats:

Quaker Old Fashioned Oatmeal, a ½ cup serving

150 calories, 3 g fat, 0 mg sodium

We make a 1/3 cup, so it's less. It's boring, butt...If you cruise the drive-thru for your eye opener, beware! Here are some of the gut bombs:
Worst Side Dish: Burger King Hash Browns – Large
620 calories, 40 g fat, 1,200 mg sodium and 60 g carbs, too…and this is a side dish!
But you can order a diet soda to go with it. Ugh.

Worst Breakfast Sandwich: Hardee’s Monster Biscuit
710 calories, 51 g fat, 2,250 mg sodium, 37 g carbs
A friend of mine has a fat brother-in-law whom he calls “Biscuit”. Fits.

Worst Kids Meal: Denny’s Big Dipper French Toastix with margarine and syrup
770 calories, 71 g fat, 107 g carbs
Nothing like a bunch of fat little kids jaked on sugar to make a happy family and a happy day.

Worst Pastry: Cinnabon Classic Cinnamon Roll
813 calories, 32 g fat, 117 g carbs
Don’t forget to lick the gooey stuff off the wrapper to get the full impact.

Worst Combo Meal: McDonald’s Deluxe Breakfast
1,360 calories, 64 g fat, 2,325 mg sodium, 160 g carbs, 49 g sugars
This one touches all the bases. You get a biscuit, hash browns, hotcakes and syrup. Why not grab two, in case you’re hungry later?

Worst Omelet: IHOP Big Steak Omelet
1,490 calories
IHOP didn’t provide all the other numbers. If your opening bid is 1,490, why go any further? You get steak, cheese and hash browns…and in about 45 minutes, a big gross burp. Sorry, no drive-thru service for this one.

The Worst Breakfast in America: Bob Evans Stacked and Stuffed Caramel Banana Pecan Hotcakes
1,543 calories, 77 g fat, 2,259 g sodium, 198 g carbs, 109 g sugars

OK, this is not a drive-thru breakfast, either. You have to lumber in, find a sturdy chair and order this creation, so stay in your car and you’re safe. Just be careful in the parking lot, ‘cause the people who just ate this don’t move too fast.

I Can't Hold It In Anymore

I spent Tuesday evening watching the Presidential debate. I have watched these two guys for a while. I have watched a few of these races in my life. I have tried to reserve my judgement on this one.

First, a digression, an observation on the packaging of the debate: Tom Brokaw is one shitty moderator. Run the goddamned show, Tom, or let someone else do it. Now, back to the candidates.

When Barack Obama ascended to the national conscience a couple of years back, I opined that Barack appeared to me to be the John Kennedy of the current day. He appeared to me to be someone who could unite a country that is in need of a leader. Barack was, and is, charismatic, very well spoken, bright and well educated.

Then, it seems to me, he began pandering to black interests and excluding the rest of us. The circus with his church, his pastor, all these guys who shouldn't be influencing a president, all this chased me far away. Read "the speech of his life" and see what you think.

Time rolled forward, and war hero John McCain was anointed as the standard bearer by the other side. I listened. I read. I tried to decide if he's selling an extension of the Bush presidency, undoubtedly the worst administration in America since Lyndon Johnson sat on the throne.

I have decided that John McCain is NOT an extension of George Bush, no, sirree.

He's not even that good.

Last night's debate showed me an articulate, thoughtful and well prepared Barack Obama.

It then showed me a John McCain who has no idea of what he's talking about. McCain's dumbass jokes and misguided attempts at humor fell like the stock market as he rambled on, answering questions that hadn't been asked, trying to chuckle it up with Brokaw, talking down to the whole goddamned world, rambling on like he has answers to everything while actually answering nothing. His military ideas and references reveal complete denial of reality. He continually made reference to his hero Ronald Reagan, and spoke of his hero Teddy Roosevelt (don't get me started with a Teddy Roosevelt study; he was a priveleged loon who landed in the White House as an adventure). McCain then started with his "talk softly and carry a big stick" rhetoric... what the hell is he talking about? We're pissing hundreds of millions into the desert and sacrificing lives for no gain, just what big stick are we supposed to pick up?

To my amazement, to my utter astonishment, McCain said "I know how to get Bin Laden. I know how. I'll get him". Hey Big Stick, why don't you go tell George and the generals how to do it so we don't spend more lives and money? You savin' it so we'll adore you later?

This man is delusional.

When McCain picked Palin as his VP candidate, I remarked that he had just conceded the election. While she's been entertaining, it seems that the choice was simply an example of how detached this fellow is from the real world. He is clueless.

This race isn't about race anymore. America's economy is a mess, our military policy is indecipherable, and none of our other real issues has been addressed in the last eight years. No one has been held accountable and things must be changed.

I hope Barack can work for everyone to provide the leadership we so desperately need. I think Senator McCain needs to be anywhere but in the White House.

That is all.

Just Five More Minutes, Oprah

The National Sleep Foundation has a list of 10 Myths and Facts about Sleep. Here they are.

1.Snoring is common but not harmful.

Snoring can be an indication that there's another problem, like sleep apnea, and snoring is related to other conditions, e.g. hypertension and obesity. So while snoring isn't harmful, it may indicate other problems. In my house, snoring is a competition. First one to sleep doesn't hear the other.

2. You can cheat on the amount of sleep you get.

You need between 7 and 9 hours per night, less creates a sleep debt. It also seems to facilitate a lot of arguing, a condition knows as "crankinus bitchmaximus".

3. Turn up the radio or open the windows to stay awake when driving.

That way the EMT's and tow truck can find your crashed car by heading for the sound, and drag you out thru the open window.

4. Teens who fall asleep in class are lazy or have bad habits.

Maybe. Teens' body clocks tend toward keeping them sleeping later, says the Institute. So does the inernet, text messaging and video games. That's my scientific finding.

5. Insomnia is characterized by difficulty falling asleep.

Duh.

6. Daytime sleepiness means a persons isn't getting enought sleep.

Not as simple as it sounds, like #5. Once again, there may be underlying medical conditions. There may also be things like quarter beer night, extra innings in the game you were watching, and the dog had to go out three times last night.

7. Health problems are related to the amount and quality of sleep.

Yeah, baby...poor or too little sleep screws up things like the body's ability to use insulin and secrete hormones, and that can lead to a lot of other problems. Ugh.

8. The older you get, the fewer hours of sleep you need.

False. Older people may wake more frequently during the night, but still need 7-9 hours. They may exhibit a change in sleep patterns, like dozing off during the day. The scientific name for this is "the nap". It is not to be mixed with other scientific phenomena like "working" or "driving".

9. During sleep, your brain rests.

Nay, nay, your brain rocks on all night, but it gets recharged during sleep.

10. If you wake during the night, count sheep or just tough it out 'till you fall back asleep.

The Institute says if you're still awake after 15-20 minutes, go do something relaxing in another room. Presumably that does not include knocking back a juice glass of Jack Daniels or downing a carton of Ben and Jerry's. Personally, I've also found TV is a bad choice, as even infomercials and Oprah seem interesting at that point.

Well, infomercials, anyway.

Happy Birthday, T! (and Week 6 football)

Happy Birthday,Son

You are Simply the Best
XX & OO
Love you,

Dad

************************************************

A mixed bag of results in what was a very fun football day on Saturday.

BYU -30 @ Utah State
BYU 34, Utah State 14
“there you go again with the big point spread” Uh-huh. I was doing fine, the Mormons were putting a major beat down on the other Mormons (yeah, I know they're not actually, but I find it humorous, just like the notion that Jim McMahon played out there) for three quarters and then WHOA!!! they yanked back on the reins and settled, settled like Fosset's airplane settled when he took the close up of that mountain. ESPN put up a seaon-to-date graph that showed BYU beating the snot out of their opponents for 3 quarters and then taking Q4 off. They did it again on Friday night.
"L"
Penn State –14 @ Purdue
Penn State 20, Purdue 6
"currently ranked #6", "may have the best athletes of any Big 10 team". Oh what a crock! Penn State had 20-0 lead, I had a smile on my face and then blah-blah-blah. A tie. Ugh. Oh, yeah, Purdue's kicker sucks, too.
"T"
Iowa @ Michigan State -6 1/2
Michigan State 16, Iowa 13
Sparty had 'em on the ropes throughout the game, could have delivered a knock out punch, didn't seem to have that club in their bag . Shee-hit. Hope they don't have it next week up at Evanston, either.
"L"
Indiana @ Minnesota-7
Minnesota 16, Indiana 7
I was in an elevated state of angst for a prolonged time period, having invested a material amount of STP Partners' venture capital in this contest. The game was a blatant display of crappy football skills. Despite the utter craptacularness, I was absolutely thrilled that Minnesota kicked a 38 yard field goal with 22 seconds left in the game to cover the spread. Minnesota is now 5-1 this year, 4-0 at home, and the logo on their helmets reminds me of MAD Magazine.
"W"
Auburn @ Vanderbilt +4
Vanderbilt 14, Auburn 13

"Vandy will be dandy and win this one outright." What a fun game this one was! Auburn marched down the field on their opening possession and Vandy's defense held them on four tries from inside the five yard line. The margin of victory for Vanderbilt ended up being a missed PAT.

"W"
Illinois +2 ½ @ Michigan
Illinois 45, Michigan 20
Whoa, Nellie, did the toast of Champaign ever put a major league whippin' on the A-maized and Feeling Blue from Ann Arbor! The Fighting Illini ran and passed and caught and tackled and it's always fun to watch the locals go up to the vaunted Big House and mistreat Michigan and send the 109,000 spectators home unhappy. 109,00. That would be 218,000...never mind. By the way, I would like to have a contest to put an actual logo on the Illinois helmets to replace that 70's rapid transit printing. BORRR--RING!
"W"

Oregon Ducks +16 ½@ USC
USC 44, Ducks 10

Yup. 2 weeks back I said always take the Trojans. Then they were beaten, and I thought they were coming back to the pack. They're not, and the Ducks are hurting.

"L"

I began the weekend with a very poor 15-21-1 record. This week's 3-3-1 looks pretty good in comparison, but the deficit remains. The record now: 18-24-2.

Veep Debate Viewpoint

Today I offer a bonus posting, courtesy of my daughter, reporting from her current duty station near the Neon Palace. Futile Football Felections follows...
Some thoughts on the VP debate:
1. Are there no Republicans that can correctly pronounce the word “nuclear?”
2. Joe Biden kind of looks like a fetus from the neck up. His forehead might be bigger than Wasilla. (It’s like Sputnik! It’s got its own solar system…HEED --PAPERRR--- NOOW!!!)
3. How disappointed was the moderator that she couldn’t get the Veep’s going on gay marriage? “You two agree….crap. On to foreign policy!”
4. Speaking of the moderator, did they scrape the bottom of the barrel with this one or what? She was more tongue-tied than Sarah Palin in an interview with Katie Couric.
5. But, by golly, Palin is adorable. Where can I get one to keep as a pet?
6. Thank you Joe Biden for saying “A maverick John McCain is not.” I didn’t catch his laundry list of reasons because he didn’t take a breath for a full minute and I think he went cross-eyed, but right on!
7. I’m not sure what is going on at the bottom of the screen but it appears to be an EKG of all male and female uncommitted Ohio voters. There’s no scale indicating what the lines mean but they’re pretty even and right down the middle, so I guess it means that the uncommitted Ohio voters don’t live in Cleveland.
8. I swear Palin twice said “Barack Obama and Senator O’Biden.” I swear.
9. I like how Palin dodges questions she can’t answer by talking about something unrelated and saying she just wants to talk honestly with Americans. I do feel like she is talking directly with me, and Sarah Palin, I will vote for you for Student Council President!
10. Joe Biden called Dick Cheney “the most dangerous vice president in America’s history” but failed to make a joke about how Chaney actually shot someone. Are those jokes not ok in debates?
11. The local “political expert” on the channel 13 news in Las Vegas said that he gave the win to Palin because “everyone thought she would totally screw up, and she didn’t.” (It must be fairly easy to be a political expert here.) That’s like saying Palin won because, well, at least she showed up! Who do I talk to in order to begin being judged by that standard?
12. Unrelated, but noteworthy: One game left til 101 years!!

Princess, you make yer Pop so proud: Acerbic political /entertainment commentary, a head shot at a talking head, and a body slam on the Wiggley Nation, all in one concise 12 step missive. Rockin'!

Week 6 Football Picks

Week 6 dawns with us looking up out of a big hole, a 15-21-1 record. I have to be perfect this week to back to .500 for the year.

Stop it...it could happen. Really, it could happen.


BYU -30 @ Utah State
You’re saying “there you go again with the big point spread” and you’re right. BYU is good, ranked #7 this week, really good. So we’re going to lay the points…and Utah State has been lit up really big a couple time already this season.

Penn State –14 @ Purdue
Joe Pa’s lads are flyin’ high this year, currently ranked #6, one of the two remaining unblemished Big 10 records. Shaun King said on ESPN last week that Penn State may have the best athletes of any Big 10 team, and they have been playing like it. Purdue, on the other hand, after a strong debut, has reverted to being predictable and rather uninspired. Penn State will cover.

Iowa @ Michigan State -6 1/2
Iowa has attracted enough money to push the line down 3 points. That’s a lot of money. If the Hawkeyes big running back Shonn Greene is playing, he can be the difference maker. On the other hand, Michigan State's big wheels is Javon Ringer, another outstanding running back. I think the home team squeaks out a cover.

Indiana @ Minnesota-7
Minnesota is 4-1 this year, 3-0 at home. They lost 34-21 last week at Ohio State. Indiana lost a track meet 42-29 to Michigan state. They’re going to the Metrodome, and it looks like Go Gophers. Minnesota by 2 TD’s.

Auburn @ Vanderbilt +4
Auburn cost us money last week, and Vanderbilt is seeking a 5-0 start and playing at home. Early money has been headed to Auburn, but as before, Vandy will be dandy and win this one outright.

Illinois +2 ½ @ Michigan
Michigan came back from the dead last week to win against Wisconsin. Illinois came back from a strong start to snag a loss last week at Penn State. I think Michigan used up their bullet last week and Coach Zook will have set the Illini’s backside afire. Illinois straight up.

Oregon Ducks +16 ½@ USC
I think that the Trojans are going to win the game, but the Ducks will push them all the way. Take the points here.

Quit laughing. We could be perfect this week.

Million Dollar Quartet

There's a new show that just opened at the Goodman Theatre called Million Dollar Quartet. The tag line is "Johnny Cash, Elvis Presley, Carl Perkins and Jerry Lee Lewis played together for the first and only time".

Million Dollar Quartet looks like fun at first glance, but it got me thinking. Nasty ‘ol me, first thought is “making money off a bunch of dead guys”, except for Jerry Lee Lewis, who ain’t gone yet. I then wondered about the performers who play these roles night after night. Do they lose themselves in the stage persona? Or is it a job, like any job, where you do it and then go back to what’s real? For example, do the kids who are the Jersey Boys on stage get lost in a time warp?

The website for MDQ lists the songs that are in the show. There are very familiar standards, not too many favorites. Still, fun.

Then comes the idea of supergroups. It’s kind of like the US Olympic basketball team (there’s still only one ball, who gets it?), or the end of the Grammy Awards, where a few dozen people pile on stage and play and sing together and the result is an amalgam of sound in which the sum is far less than the total of the parts. Kind of like a big rock ‘n roll glee club that didn’t rehearse. And really, should Kid Rock and Celine Dion ever, ever be paired up?

Some supergroups worked, like the Traveling Wilburys: Roy Orbison, Bob Dylan, George Harrison, Tom Petty and Jeff Lynne. Jeff Lynne, by the way, was from ELO, I had to look that up. Their album was excellent. I am of the opinion that Roy Orbison was one of the greatest talents ever, so it’s like the other four couldn’t screw it up with Roy in there. Next time you're at Best Buy treat yourself to Roy Orbison's Greatest Hits and listen to it real loud. The guy was incredible...but I am digressing, again. Back to the Million Dollar Quartet.

Let me qualify: I'm not reviewing a show that I haven't seen. I'm sure the guys who portray the MDQ are talented and hard working and put on a fine performance. I'm just not giddy about the concept.

Johnny Cash did pretty well when he teamed with Kris Kristofferson, Waylon and Merle—the Highwaymen. Their collaboration was unique and it worked; everybody had an opportunity to shine and there was a synergistic blend of talent.

Another digression: Johnny Cash’s best work ever was, in my opinion, the final album, one that my daughter gave me. I play it now and then, always at home, it’s not car music, and I get chills every time. On that album, he is absolutely alone.

Elvis…an individual performer, maybe the greatest individual performer ever (or maybe not), who should only be in the spotlight alone. Why would you want one of the megastars of the world as a background singer? It's like giving the Pips get their own tour with Gladys singing background.

Carl Perkins had his moment; his legend stands to gain the most from Million Dollar Quartet. I wonder how many times he crooned “…blue blue, blue suede shoes…blue blue, blue suede shoes…” and really felt protective of his footgear. And are blue suede shoes relevant in a Nike world?

Jerry Lee Lewis, hell, I never could stand Jerry Lee Lewis. Crazy ass hillbilly who married his 14 year old cousin. If I never again hear “Whole Lotta Shakin’”, that’s OK by me.

Tickets for MDQ are about fifty bucks a pop, so you won't go broke trying it out. For fifty bucks x 2 (you wouldn't go alone), you can buy the Roy Orbison CD, the Johnny Cash CD and the Frankie Jersey Boy's hits CD and still have cash left to go see some current talent at a place like Fitzgerald's in Berwyn.

Or not.

Chicago, Stress Champion

I like lists. They provide a great platform for discussion and disagreement. When you see how the lists are compiled, the discussions can become downright stressful. With that having been said, here is Forbes Magazine's list of America's 10 Most Stressful Cities, the list the gave Chicago a coveted championship.
10. Philadelphia
Forbes says its expensive to live there and very densely populated. Duh. That's city life. W.C. Fields' epitaph is "Better Dead Than in Philadelphia". I think Philly is like New York without the charisma. This is definitely a top 10'er, Philly.

9. Providence, R.I.
Expensive and lots of unemployed people, says Forbes. It's Rhode Island, I think the real issue is that they're all worried about being small.

8. Salt Lake City
I got nothin'. It UTAH, what do they have to stress about?

7. Cleveland
Fourth fewest sunny days per year. But they have the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, that's good. The Drew Carey show took place in Cleveland, that was fun. That was then and this is now: Drew Carey's doing The Price Is Right (awful), the Indians suck (although they KO'd the White Sox) and Brady Quinn is still an understudy. Maybe it's the name...how about renaming it something desirable, like Orlando. Orlando, Ohio. Nevermind. Cleveland, you're screwed.

6. San Diego
One of the best places on the planet. Imagine having every day being climate controlled, sunny and warm, and the Pacific Ocean over by there. Play golf, play in the ocean, play play play. You think you've got stress in San Diego, call Cleveland.

5. San Francisco
A jewel of a city. Ever been on the Alcatraz tour? Awesome. Golden Gate? An icon. Great food, highly livable, a little run to wine coutry to the north, Big Sur to the south, and no snow when Buffalo is getting 19 feet per hour all winter. San Francisco. I like it.

4. Los Angeles
Forbes says it's expensive, has the worst air quality and gas costs a lot. It's also full of Angelinos, who are goofier than squat. There's East LA, ugh. On the other hand, there's the USC football team, the USC cheerleaders, the USC marching band. Hollywood. Maybe better skip Hollywood. Surrounding LA are great places to plany, like Manhattan Beach, Marina del Rey, Malibu. I still wouldn't want to live in LA. The freeways are the worst! Definitely a stressful place.

3. Detroit
Do they still burn everything on Halloween? This is absolutely a high stress town, but no, Devil's Night, um, burned out. They replaced it, no kidding, with Angel's Night, no kidding.

2. New York
Big, bold, brassy, NY is America. It gets on your nerves a little, but that's part of the character. Lousy pizza, regardless of what they tell you. I like New York. It's high energy. When the NY'ers start bragging, change the subject. They forget what they were bragging about and go with the new topic.
1. Chicago
Some of the good: theatre, sports, architecture, the lakefront parks, the food, neighborhood taverns, spring/summer/fall, the universities, the museums.

Some of the bad: the politicians, the winter, the expressways, the winter, the sports venues, the winter, the taxes and the public schools.

The city has been reborn over the last two generations. What the list sees as stress, is, like NYC, energy. Tap into it.

Or avoid the stress and just go visit when you need an energy fix.