MMM, Smells like bacon

The US House of Representatives has made public the list of amendments submitted to the Rules Committee for the $825 billion stimulus bill: HR.1 - American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009. You can check out the complete list for some light reading, but I've listed some of the highlights for you below:



#129 - Flake (AZ) - Would prohibit funds from being used for any duck pond, museum, skate park, equestrian center, dog park, ski hill, historic home, ice rink, splash playground, or speaker system. Thank God! There are honestly just so many duck ponds in my neighborhood, and all those damn ducks seem to do is hang out at the local skate park next to the historic home and listen to music loudly on the speaker system. I swear, once the equestrian park moved in a few years ago, the neighborhood really went downhill. Splash playgrounds are springing up all over the place! And I think we all know museums are absolutely a menace to society.

#130 - Flake (AZ) - Would strike funding in the bill for the National Foundation on the Arts and the Humanities and the National Endowment for the Arts. Well OBVIOUSLY. If we're not funding museums we should definitely not fund the NEA. Why should those artists waste their time when they'll have no where to display their craft?

#59 - Hodes (NH) - Would allow states a time extension to complete Federal Highway Administration-funded projects if cold weather and freezing necessitate a longer time frame. I'm honestly surprised this has to be specified. Apparently, this is not common sense, as Hodes is particularly concerned about New Hampshire getting screwed due to bad weather. His Amendment #177 would allow states a time extension to complete funded projects if progress is disrupted due to crappy weather. This guy's clearly been through some bad winters.

#180 - Hoekstra (MI) / Bean (IL) - Would accelerate the depreciation time of commercial heating, ventilation, air conditioning and refrigeration (HVACR) units from 39 to 20 years. Phew! I cannot tell you how many times I have stayed up all night agonizing about HVACR depreciation. THIS is exactly the kick in the pants our economy needs.

#176 - Multiple Reps, mostly from CA - Would authorize $198 million for compensation for Filipino World War II Veterans. I had no idea there was such a large contingency of Filipino WWII vets. Either way, lets hope they've embraced the American way of spending and pump that $198M right back in the economy!

#78 - Kingston (GA) - Would reduce the funds appropriated or otherwise made available by this Act by 1 percent. Really? I mean its $825 billion...who cares about a measly 8.25 billion? Honestly, Kingston, loosen the purse strings a little.

#43 - Lipinski (IL) - Would require that any money spent under the bill be used to buy American-made products whenever possible. What a breath of fresh air - someone taking this bill very literally. No one told Lipinski he could tack on an amendment that provides $200 million in aid to Christmas tree farmers, or prohibits any spending of the funds on Tuesdays or any 7th of the month.

#61 - Mitchell (AZ) - Would prevent the automatic pay adjustment for Members of Congress from going into effect in 2010. Thanks for taking one for the team!

#32 - Nadler (NY) - Would increase appropriations in the bill by 75 percent. Neugebauer (TX) didn't react too favorably to this one...his amendment #109 would strike the appropriations provisions from the bill entirely. I think the standard procedure in the House of Representatives to remedy this is best-of-three Rock Paper Scissors.

#147 - Pitts (PA ) - Would require parental notification when a family planning clinic enrolls a minor in Medicaid. I think its pretty clear how exactly this relates to the economy. And by "clear", I mean "completely unrelated."

#76 - Snyder (AR) - Would allow funds to be appropriated for public aquariums, zoos, and swimming pools. As long as "public aquarium" isn't long for "duck pond," and "swimming pool" isn't fancy for "splash playground", Flake from AZ is perfectly cool with this. If there are horses in the zoo, though, that could be a deal breaker.

#5 - Wilson (SC) - Would strike all sections of the bill except those that fund our military and veterans, improve our nation’s infrastructure, and cut taxes. OH but COME ON, Wilson! What about HVAC depreciation??? How do you supposed to solve THAT one, huh? HUH?

Feel free to check out the full list and read first-hand politics at its most efficient: http://www.rules.house.gov/amendment_details.aspx?NewsID=4133. I don't mean to ruin the ending, but it looks like if this bill gets passed, no funding is going toward the National Mall Revitalization Fund. Try not to shed too many tears over that one.

A Winner , A Loser

This topic is continuing to evolve. A picture is worth a thousand words, so two pictures would make it clear as to the identity of America's Team.

7 Wonders of Illinois

Over on the sidebar, there's a link to the website of an organization that is conducting a revision of the Seven Wonders of the World. The 7 Wonders are evolving again; there have been the Wonders of the Ancient World, the Wonders of the Medieval World and now the Wonders of the Modern World.

The Wonders of the Medieval World are:
>Stonehenge (just a bunch of rocks)
>Colosseum (verrrry cool building in its day)
>Catacombs of Kom el Shoqafa (tombs in Alexandria, Egypt)
>Great Wall of China (inspired George Bush to wall the Mexican border)
>Porcelain Tower of Nanjing (260 feet tall, built in the 15th century, destroyed in the 19th)
>Hagia Sophia (this is the mosque at Istanbul)
>Leaning Tower of Pisa (not the one in Niles, IL)

The Wonders of the Modern World are:
>Great Wall of China (still a big hit!)
>Petra (ancient city of Jordan)
>Christ the Redeemer (the 120 foot tall statue in Rio)
>Machu Picchu
>Chichen Itza
>Roman Colosseum (also, still a hit)
>Taj Mahal /Great Pyramid (I'd leave them both in and make it 8 wonders)

The new wonders, the ones upon which the voting is being conducted, are occurrences in nature. They are wondrous wonders, indeed. All this wonderment got me to wondering if we here in the tundra aren't selling ourselves short. We have wonders, too. So, here's my Seven Wonders of Illinois:

*The Grand Canyon of 294. I am referring, of course, to the quarries of Thornton that are bisected by the Illinois tollroad. There's no extra charge to the tens of thousands who traverse the big hole every.

*The Veterans Highway Bridge. This is the 355 tollroad bridge over the Des Plaines River Valley. I have seen this when it wasn't there, I rode my bicycle on it before it was open, I've driven my car across it and I've stood under it, marveling at the tallest support posts I have ever seen. I've even seen the Discovery Channel show about it. This is a really wonderous wonder.

*Springfield. This is a little different from the others, in that "I wonder if there really is a Springfield, and if so, why".

*The Chicago Skyway. This is the most excitement you can have for two bucks, riding over the Skyway Bridge, especially if it's windy, wet, snowy, all of the above or Mrs PFOS is in the car with you. She is generally unhappy when riding over bridges. She is terrified when riding over this one. Despite her dislike, it is a verrrry cool view from up there.

*Grant Park and Lincoln Park. These are two of the best free spaces anywhere. Buckingham Fountain, the Bean, Lincoln Park Zoo, wonderful.

*The Mississippi Palisades. Metro folk don't frequently venture out to the West Coast of Illinois, but it's worth a weekend. Extremely cool vistas. I like the word "vistas".

*Pot Hole Season in Chicago. Like crabgrass, potholes return en masse every year, and the TV talking heads get all worked up about them, including my favorite term "pot holes are sprouting up everywhere". Holes are sprouting up...ok. BTW, the only natural enemy of the hole is the pile.

That's seven. I'm a little heavy on bridges. Send in your own nominations, please, to make this a more representative list. Rod's hairdo is not eligible for nomination, though "The Office of Governor of the State of Illinois" merits consideration.

On Geography

A coworker of mine just passed me a print-out of an Op-Ed from the New York Times regarding the oath flub perpetrated by Justice Roberts on Tuesday. After reading it, I thought I would post it to the blog (who doesn't love grammar, right? Right?). However, I clicked on a link next to the article called "No Snickering: That road sign means something else." The related picture showed a road sign reading 'Butt Hole Road.' Obviously, that article was far more enjoyable.

Here's the article: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/23/world/europe/23crapstone.html?_r=1&em. It may be cold and frigid in Chicago, but at least you don't live in a cold and frigid climate in a place called Crotch Crescent or Wetwang.

Also, here is the Justice Roberts article: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/23/world/europe/23crapstone.html?_r=1&em

Geirangerfjord

I learned about this place, Geirangerfjord, after clicking through the link at the right, the New 7 Wonders of the World link. This is stuff that you might have touched on in geography class in grade school and didn't pay attention and now it's kind of cool to relearn it.

Geirangerfjord is in the southern part of Norway. It is a 9 mile long branch of the Great Fjord.

Geography class reminder: Norway is the western side of the Scandinavian peninsula; Sweden is the eastern side. Ya, Sveeden.

A fjord is a long and narrow inlet from the sea that was created by glacial movement and melt and the accompanying abrasion. Most fjords are deeper than the sea to which they are connected, and at the mouth is a sill or "terminal moraine", an accumulation of the glacier's detritus, the rock and soil that the glacier dumped at the end of its advance.

Do not despair, fellow flatlanders! Norway does not have an exclusive on this terminal moraine thing. There is a terminal moraine (but no fjord) in Marseilles, IL, in Kendall County. My vacation plans are being revised right now.

Geirangerfjord is constantly threatened by the impending collapse of the adjoining mountain, Akerneset. There is a giant crevasse, the Akernes crevasse, that has been widening at an increasing rate.

When the crevasse finally blows, there will be a landslide of 50 to 100 million cubic meters of stuff that will have ceased to be Akerneset. The landslide will cascade into the fjord and set off a tsunami 30 feet high in the fjord (yo, Lars, surf's up!) that will inundate everything its path. The inhabitants of the towns of Geiranger (population 250) and Helleslyt (population 600) will have ten minutes from that time to escape the surge of the 30 foot wall of frigid water.

The link below will take you to a Google map of Hellesylt. Zoom back, a step at a time, to get the image of how this whole fjord deal works, and how screwed the Hellesyltians are gonna be when the crevasse ruptures.

I am changing vacation plans; scratch Marseilles, IL. I want to see this place. While it's still there.
http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&source=s_q&hl=en&q=Hellesylt,+6218+Stranda,+Norway&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=50.51141,73.125&ie=UTF8&cd=1&geocode=FdFVswMd3tVoAA&split=0&z=14&iwloc=addr

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PS:

I am posting the following photo as a public service to clear up some lingering confusion about the identity of America's Team.