Wild

Where have I been for the last two weeks?  Sorry, I've been busy at work. 

But I, like you,  have been watching, in amazement, as we struggle with the scourge of COVID-19. 

Our politics have ranged from inspiring to irritating to embarassing.  It matters not which side you're on, I think you can agree with that statement.  Our fractionalized country has trudged on, as WE THE PEOPLE continue to adapt.

Different groups have been trying to portray themselves as greater victims than the rest.  Pathetic.

My new favorite evaluation of politicians centers on fingers and thumbs.  They're great at pointing one, never seem to use the other. 

Some of our citizens are borderline "un-governable".  Witness the mayor of Chicago pleading, threatening, demanding and eventually taking action.  Groups in Michigan and Minnesota marching on their respective governors demanding action, inaction, reaction...whatever. 

We have a long, proud history of defiance. Stupid, sometimes,
but really good at being defiant.

The Illinois governor taking decisive action in the way only a priveleged fool would deem appropriate : buying face masks by sending chartered airplanes to get them...from China. 

The mayor of NYC set up a snitch hotline to report people who weren't practicing social distancing.  He was promptly torched by pretty much everyone.  Google it and see what people posted, it's hilarious, with the same message from numerous perspectives, all pounding on DeBlasio. 

Governors of Georgia and Tennessee set "reopening" plans for their states.  That's not looking like they're making great decisions, being a bit too aggressive and optimistic.

With all the foolishness that has accompanied this terrible time, I continually return to a great source of pride and optimism, the indomitable spirit of WE THE PEOPLE.

We will prevail.

Comfort Food for the Soul

Another comfort, from another time.
I was in a bad frame, this particular day, far from home and by myself.
That morning, when I turned the corner in my ATV,  this is the gift I received. 
I shall never forget the moment.

The photo above is not the topic I chose today, but it occurred to me as I posted the poem.  I have relied on the following, Kipling's "If", for comfort, for many years.  You've probably seen it before.  I offer it to you now as we face another challenging day.

If—

Rudyard Kipling - 1865-1936

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

If you can keep your head when all about you
   Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
   But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
   Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating,
   And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
   If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
   And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
   Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
   And stoop and build ’em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
   And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
   And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
   To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
   Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on”;

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
   Or walk with kings—nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
   If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run—
   Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son

My Ears Made My Brain Hurt

NOT  Chicago Mayor Lightfoot.
This is the Dumb & Dumber Haircut.

Each time I think we have reached humanity's intellectual bottom, I learn of something lower and we have a new bottom. 

I am not a fan of Chicago mayor Lori Lightfoot.  I will not go through my reasoning at this time, and maybe she'll change, I'll change, we'll have a big Kumbaya moment, yadda yadda happily ever after. 

Not likely, even if she knew - or cared - who I am and what I think.

Anyway...

Yesterday I listened to Lightfoot's afternoon presser about Chicago and The Virus.  Some reporter (let's discuss the title "reporter" later, maybe another time) questioned Lightfoot about getting a haircut. 

The economy is in freefall, McCormick place is the world's biggest MASH hospital, policemen are getting sick, people are frightened as hell and this individual thinks it's important to ask the mayor of the city about getting a haircut. 

The mayor says she needed a haircut.  She says she's in the public eye and tries to maintain her appearance.  She tries to move on with the presser.

NO.  Follow up on the haircut.  The mayor answers and tries to move forward.

NO.  More follow up on the haircut.  The mayor answers and actively disengages from the line of questioning.

This morning, news outlets throughout Chicago--news outlets NATIONALLY -- are talking about The Haircut. 

Kudos to the mayor for being patient.  Mostly patient.  More patient than I would like her to have been.  Props to the the mayor for keeping up with her grooming.  I need a haircut, too. 

This was bad.  Then I heard that some reporter asked NYC mayor DiBlasio if the city was planning to bury COVID victims in NYC parks. 

Stay tuned.  Dumb and Dumber are just getting started.

If You Skeered...

There was a story in the local e-news a day or two ago about a murder-suicide that killed a Lockport
couple.  They were in their 50's.  It appears that they were afraid they had contracted COVID-19.

I learned a new term, the hard way, last summer.  The term is "permanent solution to a temporary problem".  That seems to be what occurred with the Lockport couple.

During this scourge, it is more important than usual to be on the lookout for threats to our collective mental health.  It has been difficult to sequester ourselves these past weeks, and it isn't getting any easier.  The forecast is more of the same.  Worse, maybe.

TV talks to us.  Talking back to the TV isn't a good sign!

 I would like to insert a brief diversion here in the form of a personal message to my wife and my son.  Hollering at the governor on TV is not the same as talking to the TV.  Hollering at the governor on TV is a healthy expression of he's a jerk and I have to say so in a safe environment, occasionally at higher than normal volume, and it is cathartic.  

I'm glad we cleared that up.

Back to the serious matter here: talk to your family, talk to your friends, offer encouragement, try to be understanding.  It's good for you, too!  Express yourself!  My son had a sticker from a Nashville souvenir shop  on the wall in his dorm a few years back: "If you skeered, say you skeered".

I think we're all at least a little bit skeered right now. If we share the burden - yours and mine - we will all handle it better.

Reach out.

Viral Prescription : Change the Channel

 You're locked in the house as you practice social distancing.  You're gonna be there for a while. What

It's on Hulu and it's still great.

to do, what to do?

You could exercise. You could read a book, many books, the classics. 

You could begin a new exercise regimen.  Start music lessons (over the internet, of course).  Learn a new language.

So which do you choose?

None of the above.

You watch more TV, of course.

We have many, many more choices than ever before.  I have a word of advice.

You should avoid watching too much news.

The news shows SHOUT at us non-stop...in normal times!  In these challenging times, the shouting has become much louder.  The facts of the day are sobering, no, the facts are depressing enough when delivered in an even handed manner.  We do not have the luxury of that kind of presentation.  We get slammed by teams trying to out-disaster each other. 

My wife and I watched about an hour and a half of non-stop news the other day.  There came a point at which we had to leave it behind.  It was too much.

I won't recite specifics.  You can get those easily enough at every hour of the day. We had gone from informed to saddened to morose to depressed right there in the rec room.  We turned it off, switched to TV sugar cookies.  Sit com reruns.  The older the better.  Pointless giggly humor for an hour or so.

It was great.  We'll face reality in the morning.

Life Gone Viral

As the viral life rolls along, new challenges evolve and a new normal might be emerging.

The number one question for me is how long will this last.  While there is no shortage of answers, there is no reliable answer.  This uncertainty has created a unique discomfort.  It feels like we're in a disaster movie, bad things are happening, and we can't tell if this is the first fifteen minutes of the movie or the last fifteen or somewhere in between.  Have we still not reached  the "this is really serious" part, or are we already making great strides to the glorious ending where we defeat the virus?

One of the odd happenings involves several new age versions of the Flying Dutchman.  These are the cruise ships that aren't being allowed to land at any port anywhere because they have or may have infected passengers aboard.  There's a boat in Panama that's been at sea for nearly four weeks, has had four passengers die and is not being allowed to land anywhere. Right now there are at least ten ships and over 10,000 passengers who are stranded at sea around the planet.

Back at home, there are stripes on the floor at the grocery stores.  The stripes are six feet apart and so must you be if you are in line in the store.

Families are having virtual get togethers, using tools like Zoom or group texting.

We have been ordering "to-go" from restaurants that we would normally dine in.  It's not as satisfying for us, the diners, and the restaurants aren't getting any alcohol sales revenue, but we both get partly what we need.

Health clubs and gyms are closed.  People are out walking, just for the sake of walking.   They look a little self conscious, like they have found some primitive lost form of movement.  Dad, did people really used to do this before cars?  Yes, Billy, but only in the city.  We never allowed this in the suburbs.  

No one is commuting, so oil consumption has plummeted and oil prices are lower than equal measures of milk. Cows ahead of dead dinosaurs. Pollution levels have also regressed as a result.

Social distancing is the newly adopted term.  Everyone understands it, most  are even paying attention. "Shelter in place" has also been put into frequent use, but that's the one that was borne in a different catastrophe circumstance, so I have rejected it, preferring "just stay home".

Golf courses are closed.  This is a problem of myopic government, where a walk outside is deemed more threatening to health than sitting around eating and drinking three weeks worth of groceries and beer in an afternoon while simultaneously avoiding fresh air and exercise.

Governor Jay Pritzker waddles out on TV every afternoon to piss me off anew as he blames everyone and anyone (never himself) for whatever the problem of the day happens to be, all the while doing his best to seem genuine.

Many things happening that we never imagined.  

We are under siege. 

Stay safe.  We will prevail.

This Is Not a Drill

The missus, who has always been very encouraging of my efforts at writing, has offered me a suggestion.  Keep a log of what we're experiencing, she said.  This won't last forever, and it will be interesting to be able to look back.

While it won't be as endearing as the accounts of some of our family vacations (like when I referred to an airline ticket agent as a travel nazi, that was a pretty good one), I agree that there may be merit to this exercise, keeping notes of how this thing has rearranged our world.  So, let's review.  First, how did this start?

Apparently the virus was born in China in December, or earlier, as it seems that they didn't respond quickly to contain it. We didn't show too much concern in the beginning, as the numbers grew in Asia and then in Europe.  It was their problem, not ours.  Bad reasoning. Ruh-roh.

Our highly mobile, highly interactive, highly interdependent world meant that the virus would come here, and come here it did  The arithmetic of spreading infectious disease has been a tough lesson. It grows like a wildfire.

The biggest jolt? The economy went from racing speed to sputtering in the blink of an eye.  Layoffs, furloughs, reduced hours, salary cuts...all of them, quickly and harshly.

Food shortages, fortunately brief.  Mimsy placed a big grocery order online and the deliveryman showed up with a single chicken breast -- everything else was out of stock.

The toilet paper issue, ugh.

Bars and restaurants closed.  Slam-bam, closed.  Take out and delivery is the new norm. 

Schools closed.  Spring break has been extended until further notice--or fall.

Theaters closed.

Airlines cutting schedules, cutting, cutting...Borders closed, no travel into or out of countries.  Continents  -- continents! -- closed. 

Offices closed.  Work from home, starting immediately.

Roads are empty.  We do family group texting just to chat.  I staged a virtual board meeting.  Everyone is adapting.  

Sports stopped.  No golf, hockey, whatever the new football league was called, that stopped, no NBA, no March Madness, NASCAR stopped and substituted virtual racing that's pretty cool,  what have I missed?  Baseball didn't start, no opening day this past week.

So far, in our house, the impact has been moderate. We are still working.  We are trying to spend locally to help keep the local economy afloat.

That's the start.  Next posting I'll add more.  If I missed things, let me know and please share your experiences as well.

Amazing times, these.

Cyrus the Virus

There's a lot going on right now in a world in which we must have nothing going on.  I have found it necessary, for my mental health, to limit the inputs from politicians and news outlets. 

For example, the big takeaway by some news outlets from a particularly daunting news conference was that the term "Chinese Virus" is a racial slur.  The stupidity of that reporting is astounding. 

There is a lot to process and report upon without creating issues. The  newsmakers frequently leave me staring in amazement.

Donny keeps veering to superlatives and boundless optimism.  Were I in his position, I would sell optimism, too; perhaps in a bit more reserved fashion. 

NY governor Cuomo is an excellent communicator.  Even as he doles out difficult news, I find it comforting that he is in command of his situation.

Illinois' governor Corpulent Jay the Despot is stunningly insincere and  impresses as frighteningly overmatched by the challenge facing the state.  Even his right decisions are delivered in a manner that makes them feel wrong.

Chicago's mayor, sadly,  has squandered the last bit of hope that I held out for her as good leader, as she and Corpulent Jay daily use only fingers -- and never thumbs-- when explaining why things aren't going well.

John Malkovich was "Cyrus the Virus" in Con Air.
We survived Nicholas Cage's multiple mangled
southern accents in this movie; be proud of your
tenacity and endurance.  

We the people...are handling this situation pretty darn well, in my opinion.  A bit of panic buying and hoarding, but nothing egregious. Congratulations to us!

 Not all of us are making good choices, unfortunately.

A couple of mopes in Arizona heard that chloroquine might be useful in treating the virus and took some to be proactive, to be on the safe side.  Unfortunately...it was a component of aquarium cleaner, so the man croaked and the woman is in dire straits.  They were, undeniably, stupid to the max.  People should not need to be told : Do not ingest aquarium cleaner!   Then again, it wasn't long ago that some of America's future, our best and brightest, were eating Tide pods.

Toilet paper has become headline news and the butt of many bad jokes.  There's another one!

Italy has been devastated by the virus. I'm sorry for that.  Is anyone still upset that we closed our borders so swiftly?

I would like to congratulate the rest of us, once again.  We don't eat strange chemicals or dish soap or do lots of other really dumb stuff and we are all working hard to get through this hardship.   I'll bet most of us didn't stick our fingers in electrical sockets when we were children either. 

Finally, I respectfully suggest you make an effort to do something nice for someone today and every day as this scourge continues.  It will make the beneficiary of your kindness feel better and you will feel better as well.

Better days are ahead.

Lockdown Hobbies

It's a kinda funny word, hobby.

"It's my hobby"

"You need a hobby"

"What hobbies do you have?"

Say it real fast five times in a row and you'll find yourself smiling.  

So while we're all minimizing our physical social intercourse (yeah, I know, some of my intellectual development never progressed past tenth grade), I'm more interested than ever in hobbies.

I don't believe that I have any hobbies.  Having a hobby implies a sustained emotional balance, i.e. doing something for the joy of immersing oneself in the experience (sustained boredom for me).  Collecting stamps would be an example of a hobby.  Sitting there in the evening, wearing a woolen vest, in a musty corner of your creaky old house at your roll top desk with a single light on the desk, holding up a square inch of some semi-rare collectible with a pair of tweezers, peering through your bifocals AND a magnifying glass and grunting in contentment at this particular bit of philatelic minutiae.

No disrespect if this is your happy place, but I decline.  

Back in the day, Cub fans had a Hobbie.

Part of the reason for my emotional rejection of this type of engagement is the obsessive side of my personality.  Should you ask mi esposa, she would likely say that is a side that encompasses about 97% of me.  I gotta mostly do stuff that has winners and losers and boo-yah! moments.  Things that evoke passion and emotion, hitting the adrenalin button.

I can hit total Lite-osity (the marketing guys at Miller Beer created that term a zillion years ago, just for me, I think) by doing the passion zoomy stuff and then backsliding, thereby getting to that level of mindfulness that Stamp Man above reached by staring at his little philatelic ornament, except my route was actually fun. 

BTW, I think numismatics is a cousin of philately.  Just sayin'.

Back at hobbies, upon further review, I may have several, I guess, though they've had to pass through the obsession phase and then settle back...I need to ponder this some more.  This part of the discussion is the gateway to the payoff topic, watching TV during lockdown.

My imagination tends to take control of reality on a pretty regular basis.  I think that skews me toward being eclectic.  Mi esposa suggests that it makes me a nut.

Cruel woman...

These worlds converge when my long standing hobby -- being a hypochondriac -- gets supercharged by the onslaught of TV presentations.  I learned the hard way, some years ago, just how traumatic the journey (everyone has "a journey" these days) can be when we would watch "House", the TV series about the Sherlock Holmes of infectious diseases starring Hugh Laurie.  We'd turn that on and by the end of the show I would be suffering from the symptoms of that week's guest disease, including genetic disorders, chemically induced side effects, all kinds of crazy stuff.  Cruel woman would usually ride to the rescue with a less-than-gentle interlude to her head shaking and derisive laughter, interjecting "you're nuts, I'm going to bed" as her unique and tender way of bringing me back on course.

In light of that ersatz medical history, I have been limiting my COVID-19 updates.  Maybe 'll catch up when they issue a commemorative stamp.

Ethical Journalism is Not a Contemporary Concept

When I was young, I was privileged -- and thrilled -- to have access to great news writers and reporters.  I started reading the Chicago newspapers every day, sometimes two or three different newspapers, when I was six years old!   It was a wonderful experience, a formative experience.

People like Jack Mabley and Mike Royko displayed their talents daily, evaluating and opining on local, national and world events.  I became a devoted reader of sports writers like the great David Condon, Warren Brown and Robert Markus and many others.  Their respective styles illuminated and heightened the reporting and the events that were their focus.

Magazines, omg what a grand treat!  Time, Newsweek, Life, Sports Illustrated...I was in awe of the reporting, the writing, the photography and the editorial presentations.

Journalists shared knowledge, shared opinions, and introduced the people and the circumstances that made the news.  Often, they blew up the facades that had been erected to shape or even conceal the truth.

The people who reported on television were frequently veterans of radio news and the print news world, and they became fixtures in ours lives, in our homes.  The power of their messages was magnified by the immediacy of their medium.  Their reports could arrive within minutes of events.  It was an amazing evolution.

One element that they all seem to have shared was a sense of the responsibility to report in an evenhanded fashion, an awareness that the event or events were the focus, and they were the conduit to the public.  They seemed to me to prize their respective and collective integrity.  That integrity was the backbone, the foundation, of their ability to be trusted as reporters to the world.

I have outlined this because I have just finished watching, at noon on this day, the President's news conference.  Our nation and the world is under siege as it has not been before in my lifetime.  The situation is fluid and evolving at great speed.  There is no template to follow to know how to react.  The President and the people who have been called upon to respond and protect us are challenged in a unique and enormous manner.

These news conferences are live on TV and radio and the internet.  The questions posed by the reporters are the keys to our learning about the developments and the actions -- and the thought processes -- of the people in charge of our national well being.

So I watched in amazement as one reporter became shrill and strident in asking why someone in the administration, and by association, the President, used the term "Chinese virus".  The reporter went on to suggest --stopping short, barely, of accusing-- that this was a racial slur. 

Another reporter picked up the same questioning minutes later, wanting answers to the perceived racism inherent in addressing the issue.

Yet another reporter demanded to know if we should expect virus cases to increase 10% every 12 hours -- because the count, somewhere, went from 100 to 110 cases overnight.  The obvious arithmetic of compounding, based on a tiny data sample, seeking to extrapolate it into an even worse scenario than we are all experiencing.

The economy of USA and the world is in a meltdown as COVID-19 explodes.  Every resource available everywhere is being deployed by governments and industry across the globe to fight the disease, protect the populace and try to preserve our economic well being.

If ever there was a time for insightful questioning, if ever there was a time to demand answers, this is it.

That does not, in my view, include self-serving "look at me", off topic, nonsense questions that must be given due thought and response, lest that be inferred as yet another offense.  These questions aren't being posed by reporters of the talent and integrity that the task and the profession demands, and the "sanctity of journalism" argument that is used as a justification for this asinine behavior is a further mockery of the dedication and greatness of those men and women who set the standards for ethical and responsible journalism.

We must be vigilant in the pursuit of the truth. 

Sadly, that has come to include appraising the intentions of those who represent to us that they are seekers of truth. 

The Pink Blob in the Middle is My Rental Car

I arrived early in the afternoon here yesterday on Anguilla, a direct flight on United.  It's an "in season" thing, the direct flight.  Saves several hours travel time, love it.   Got on the ferry and had a glorious ride over here.

THe ferry, love it! But the ferry boat porter, not so much.  There's a sign (I should have taken a picture) stating that THE PORTERS ARE NOT EMPLOYEES and THEY WORK FOR TIPS!.  Practical application : the porter here is neither an employee nor does he work, but he does expect to be compensated, and he is not shy about informing you of that.  He appeared taken aback when I responded "you gotta carry the f&#in' bag to get paid, sport".

You may think of me an ambassador at large to the small time con men of the world.

That little pinkish blob in the 

middle, that's my rental car.

Moving on.

I rented a car here for the first time. I usually use a cab.  I rented from Andy's on the beach.  I tell you that so if you come here, you DON'T rent from Andy's.  I reserved a compact.  It's a tiny Nissan called a March.  That's not an issue.  This particular March is the issue.

T

 There's a term here, "island car".  It means it's a beater that serves your basic transportation needs.  My Virgin Gorda Jeep was a high line island car.  Not when I bought it, but when I was done with it, it was high line.  "Mint", one restaurant owner called it.  Thanks, but it was island car mint.

This car is the exact opposite.


 It's filthy, inside and out.  It rattles all the time.  Three wheels match.  It had A/C at some time in its past.  It has a monstrous aftermarket radio and amplifier.  They don't work, the on/off button is long gone and it emits a continuous not too loud static  noise.  Not too loud unless you put the car in reverse, then it's a REALLY loud static noise, accompanied by beeping like delivery trucks beep.

Oh, yeah, it's right hand drive.  Big burn hole in

the driver's seat.  Thick rubber steering wheel cover,

bet you wish you had one of those.  Finally, the

giant mystery button right of the steering wheel. Swanky.

  

The March starts stops and steers well.  There's an enormous button that has been screwed on the dashboard and trails a wire that goes out the door to the front.  I think it's for the horn, but I'm not keen on experimenting with this one.

I have provided photographic evidence.  The exterior color is "Salmon Vomit".  The interior is "Seriously Filthy".

The side with the matching wheels and the 

shadow of me exclaiming in horror at the color

After all that, it's pretty fun.  Cruises awesome at 55.  KPH.  About 30 in USA speed.  People beep and pass me quite a bit.  I'm ok with that.

It is an island car.

Anguilla. It's 11

Hello.

Let's go back to the geography classes in which you didn't pay attention (neither did I).

1. Caribbean : somewhere south of Key West

2. Caribbean Sea : once referred to as the Spanish Lake.  Get James Michener's "Caribbean" on your Kindle.  It will start the fire deep inside you.

3. Antilles.  Nobody paid attention when they taught this 😅

4. Antilles II : they form an inverted "L", more or less, when you're looking at a map

5. Greater Antilles : the bottom of the inverted L, in this case, a line segment (my, my, my... a line "segment", aren't we the studious type) that is in the northern part of the Caribbean.  It's the Caymans, Cuba, Hispaniola, Puerto Rico, the USVI, the BVI and, at the junction, Anguilla and St. Maarten.

6. Lesser Antilles : the eastern boundary of the Caribbean Sea; the more or less north/south string of island nations that I'll map so I don't have to list them all

7. Most of you haven't been here.  That is not a good life fact.

8. Most of you haven't been here II.  I think we can fix that.

9.  Anguilla is fabulous.  Just sayin'. It's a fact.

10.  I believe that I have found the best place to experience Anguilla.  I may set up a group trip.

11.  Who's up for it?

More to come, next installment of Neveradullmoment.  I can't wait!!! and I write it 😊

Check Your Pockets

Today is an example of either how fractionalized we have become OR how wide ranging are our choices.

In Daytona, Florida, NASCAR will debut its new season with its marquee event, the Daytona 500.

In Chicago,  the NBA will stage its annual look-at- me pageant, the NBA All Star Game.

If I were to poll most of the people with whom I interact day-in day-out and asked them to name some NASCAR drivers, most would be flummoxed momentarily and would likely offer up....Dale Earnhardt..and...hold on, hold on...yeah...Jeff Gordon!

Deceased.  Retired.

Likewise, if I were to poll the same group to summon up a couple of NBA names, I expect to get Kobe Bryant and...hold on, hold on...of course...Michael Jordan!

Deceased.  Retired.

Golf?  Everyone knows  Phil. Tiger.  Rory. Patrick.  Alive and kickin'.

Draw your own conclusions.

I went to 5 of these.  Now I have meat in my pockets  

Speaking of meat...Yesterday I took mi esposa out for a Valentine's Day lunch at Gibson's. When we had finished our meals, we headed out into the cold to reclaim the car.  I handed the ticket to the lad at the valet station and immediately jammed my hands into my coat pockets, it was cold, you see.  Now imagine your hands thrust into your warm pockets and feeling...some clammy, soft mass of omg what the hell is...somebody crapped in my coat pocket???

I pulled a chunk of steak, ugh, out and knew who.

"Sandie!?"

She looks and bursts into laughter.

The wife has developed the habit of bringing home from restaurants a little something for the dog.  She had hacked off a hunk of her filet to bring home and stuffed it in what she thought was her pocket. Pretty funny.  Pretty disgusting.  

Oh, yeah..there's XFL football, too, if you can't do without that for a while.

That is all.

Oscars...but no Billy Crystal.

The Academy Awards, aka the Oscars, will be awarded this Sunday.

The first awards were presented in 1929.  The first Best Picture award went to "Wings".  I have seen that movie, believe it or not, and read about the making of the film.  It is truly amazing work for its time.

Fast forward to present day : I have resolved, yet again, to not watch the current awards show so as to avoid ranting and hollering at the television when a succession of people who make their living pretending to be someone other than who they are deign to take the opportunity of their moment in the spotlight to tell the world how to behave (that is a really long sentence, yes).  When this happens, I  begin to spew a vitriolic gospel punctuated, nay, brimming with abrupt common profanities.

My spouse barely raises an eyebrow anymore.

I confess, I will end up watching the show, at least for a while.  I will rant and holler.

It's what I do.

Wondering about the trophies?.

The Oscar statuettes used to be made in Chicago.

Then, just like Marshall Field & Co., and their famed Frango Mints,  Jays Potato Chips, the Chicago (now Arizona by way of St. Louis)  NFL Cardinals football team and a lot of other stuff that I will research some other time, Oscar went elsewhere.  If the trophy source is of interest, here's a link to the current maker and their story  (click) Oscar not Mayer .

As for the performances and productions, this year I have seen more of them than I customarily would have seen,  thanks to the contemporary express method of delivering content which bypasses our local theaters, in my case Apple TV.  The big categories are always of interest:

Best Picture Nominees - there are 9 nominees!   I've seen 5 of them.  My guess is either The Joker or Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.  That's out of the films I have seen, so if it's one of the others, I cannot comment, other than to snort derisively.  Note: if you cannot snort derisively, I can train you to do so.  I am, as they say, adept in this skill.

Best Actor - 5 nominees, I have seen 4.  Predicted winner : Joaquin Phoenix in The Joker.  Mesmerizing performance!

Best Supporting Actor - I pick Anthony Hopkins in The Two Popes.  Hopkins is one of the best ever.

Best Actress - I only saw one of the 5, so "I got nothin'" here.

Best Supporting Actress - same story.

Best Director - I pick Quentin Tarantino, who I think is absolutely nuts, for Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, which was, in my opinion,  absolutely terrific.  I think the actual chosen winner will be the venerable Martin Scorcese for The Irishman, because Scorcese is part of the old guy network that will want to reward what might be his last best effort, and it was a terrific movie, so I think they're going to give it to him.

There's a lot of other categories that are recognized for their wonderful work, but admit it, you don't really pay that close of attention either.  There is one area to which I have been paying more than usual attention : cinematography.  I'm picking The Joker for this one.

Douglas Fairbanks hosted the very first Oscars.  Billy Crystal hosted the show NINE times. There's no host for this year's show, but it will nonetheless grind on for hours, and we will ask ourselves on Monday why we watched it yet again.

Hooray for Hollywood!

How dare you!

Yes, friends, I am lurching back into your lives.  I have been absent for many moons and here I am.  How dare I!  Thanks to kind family and friends who like to read the kind of things I write and who have gently reminded me that they think I'm a bit of a turd for not offering up anything on a predictable schedule...as if posting every couple years isn't predictable...thanks to them, I'll give it a go again.

I guess she's famous.  

I grew up reading great newspaper feature columnists.  To many of today's adults, that sentence lands with a thud.  Newspapers have never been part of your life, and the people who fill up the internet today seem mostly interested in cyber hollering and bullying. A lot of that stuff is  rooted in politics, and I don't really care about your politics, nor do I think you should be subjected to mine.  I do like to lampoon politicians, though, and my favorite targets lately (like for the past umpteen years) are Bernie and Elizabeth Warren and lately-er Fat Jay.   Another time we can talk about them; not today, not here and now.

Today I want to talk Super Bowl, aka "the Big Game" because the NFL doesn't permit anyone to say "Super Bowl" unless there is "consideration", i.e. a payment involved.

Super Bowl
Super Bowl
Super Bowl
Super Bowl

Ha ha!!  F-U, NFL!!! I'm not paying!

They're probably dispatching a black sedan right now to "pay me a visit".

Anyway, back to the Big Game (see, guys, it was all in good fun), that's this Sunday.  After that, there is nothing but a great void.  Gray and lifeless, time will plod on for weeks with nothing to distinguish the days, one from another.  This is life in the tundra of the midwest.

The cycle begins in November.  There is the end of college football, then Christmas and New Year's and bowl games.  Then comes the NFL playoffs and the Super Bowl--oops, the Big Game.  That pattern of entertainment prevents cabin fever, a period of 10 to 12 weeks where you avoid depression because there's no sunlight and outdoor activities are generally sucky, like shoveling snow and trying not to have a big grabber.  The daylight hours grow fewer until almost Christmas (maybe we should trademark "Christmas" and make people pay to say  it or call it "the Big Presents Day" or something) and there's Seasonal Affective Disorder and stuff like that until St Patrick's Day and March Madness, where everyone skyrockets out  of winter by getting blasted out of their minds and talking about each other's brackets and trying to sing along with songs to which they've never learned more than mumbling melodies.

So party party party this Sunday.  It is the natural order of things.  In the tundra, anyway.