Super Bowl : Wanna Bet?

The biggest wagering day of the year is this Sunday, the Super Bowl. People who don't give a hoot about pro football will be gathering to party and tuning in to watch celebrated commercials, a highly touted halftime show ( Janet Jackson, need I say more?), and a little football.

This year's game features the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Arizona Cardinals. Stifle the yawn, please, and break out the bankroll. There is plenty to get excited about. There are prop bets, and lots of 'em. Bodog has over 200 prop bets--200!

First, you can bet on the over and under for the National Anthem. We lost last year, going with the under. I knew we were cooked when it started with a long "oh whoa oh whoa saaaaaay, can you seeeeeeeee...". It's Jennifer Hudson singing this year, and the over and under is 1:54. I'm going with over.

Halftime entertainment is Bruce Springsteen. It's 2:1 that his first song is Born to Run, Glory Days is 4:1, and I'm On Fire is 12:1. Born in the USA is the chalky chalk at 21:20. I can hear the opening notes already...

You could have bet on how many planes will be in the pre-game flyover. I couldn't find this prop as the week proceeded. A count of 2 or fewer is 6:1 (when has there every been a 2 plane flyover? This is for if the Stealth comes alone), 6 or more is 2:1. The game's in Tampa, so the planes will probably come from Pensacola, and my guess is 5, which is the chalk at 5:4.

There's bets on whether each of the QB's will throw a TD or and INT first, who will score the first TD for each team, how many rushing yards will the backs accumulate, how many yards will their first run get and more. Troy Polomalu, the displaced Hawaiian who plays for Pittsburgh, is prominent in props as a defender and as a scoring threat.

Oh, yeah, there's a football game. The Steelers are favored by 7, if you want the boring stuff.

A SAD Rerun

This is a first in this space--a rerun. Since we are about to hit Super Bowl weekend, be forewarned that Cabin Fever Season is officially upon us. While the days have begun to get longer, it's still kind of Siberian out there, and it's getting old, fast. If you're getting edgy...

It can be SAD…Seasonal Affective Disorder.The shorter days and lack of sunlight that come with northern winters can bring on feelings of depression, lethargy and fatigue.

SAD is a type of depression.The Mayo clinic lists these symptoms for winter depression/SAD:
§ Depression
§ Hopelessness
§ Anxiety
§ Loss of energy
§ Social withdrawal
§ Oversleeping
§ Loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed
§ Appetite changes, especially a craving for foods high in carbohydrates
§ Weight gain
§ Difficulty concentrating and processing information

You need to be aware that if you have some of this going on, this may be SAD, unless you are a Cub fan, in which case you get this way every autumn anyway.

The likely causes of SAD have been identified as:

• Your circadian rhythm. I thought that this had something to do with those bugs that come every 17 years, but that’s something else. The circadian rhythm is a process that regulates your body’s internal clock, letting you know when to sleep and wake up.


• Melatonin and Seratonin: during the longer nights your body creates more melatonin. It’s a sleep related hormone that is linked to depression. If that’s not bad enough, reduced sunlight means your body creates less seratonin and away you may go, down the depression rabbit hole again.
  These will also be characters in my upcoming novel. Mel and Sarah Tonin.

People under 20 aren’t affected as much, another zinger from Mother Nature for an aging population. Women are affected more than men. Hooo-rah, guys. Men have more severe symptoms than women. Out of luck, fellas.

So, if you’re tracking bad here, you may need to seek treatment. It appears that you can do a lot to combat this problem in its early stages by simply getting up off your ass and getting a little exercise, starting to socialize a bit, and/or setting aside some time to get a little sun when it’s out there.

Since I am re-running SAD advice, I think it may also help your frozen moods to rerun a favorite ditty: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6P6VRn3gsw

Share!

Blimey!

I am not Anglophobic. I think the Brits have some funny stuff (that would exclude 99% of Monty Python, the lone exception being where the knight gets his limbs chopped off), that is, stuff worth making fun of (preposition alert!), but I find America's former landlords to generally be fine folks. OK, I threw in the orthodontia joke the other day, Paul McCartney should be put in a home, and I think that the whole royalty thing is pretty comical, but there's no malice intended.

The problem I have is with American television producers shoving British flavoured announcers at us, and with myself, for when I hear an English accent I usually interpret it as a qualification of authority and/or knowledge.

It simply is not so.

Take auto racing as an example. I turned on the 24 Hours of Daytona on Saturday afternoon, and there was a regular old American talking head, blathering away about the challenges of 24 hours of racing, and transferring the talking head responsibility to other regular old American talking head racing guy/gal announcers ("Let's go to Ellie in the pits, who has some information about a lugnut controversy, Ellie?"), and they did interviews and wasted time and did what racing announcers do during the pre-race, that being killing time between commercials and pestering the racers before they get into the cars.

So, since the 24 Hours of Daytona is a 24 hour race (that's why they call it the "24 Hours of Daytona"), I dropped back in on the racing coverage on Saturday evening as I channel surfed, and there, at the Great American Speedway, at the opening event of the year, was a pair of English accents talking me through the evening activities. I immediately perked up my ears to properly receive the pearls of wisdom that I inferred were about to come my way.

These two English announcer guys were less than stellar, less than entertaining, less than...aw, hell, they were dumb as a box of doorknobs. Because they had English accents, I had assumed I would be getting superior intellectual broadcasting. Turns out that they were less informative than the good old boys who do the B-list midseason races. These guys sucked, but with an accent.

Same deal with golf. Why do we need an English accented announcer to tell us that one of the Florida-based millionaires of the PGA has struck a poor shot on an Arizona golf course as we watch in awe (or in danger of falling asleep) across America?

What is it about that English accent that makes us confer validity unto its owner? Further, if you listen to what they say, instead of the flavour with which they say it, you will realize that you are frequently getting less than banal input.

There's other examples. Simon on American Idol, if he didn't have that English spin on his venom, I'm guessing he'd have long since gotten 100% of his smarmy ass kicked for that mean spirited, uppity attitude he's always sporting. Take old war movies, why were the English accents acceptable to portray Germans, Americans, Englishmen, Russians, pretty much every ethnicity at one time or another? They just did.

We need to prevent Anglo-announcer proliferation across other lines. For example, remove the Hawk's voice ringing up a strike out victim with the signature "He gone!", and insert a breathy, tea and crumpet flavored "I say, another unsuccessful effort".

Don't like it.

Or take John Madden out and insert Nigel Announcerchap. Instead of the on-the-edge outpouring of energy and emotion that is Madden, we'd receive a proper account of the disagreement out on the pitch. Don't like it, hurts my head to imagine it.

England and the USA, two peoples, separated by a common language.

As it should be. He gone.

MMM, Smells like bacon

The US House of Representatives has made public the list of amendments submitted to the Rules Committee for the $825 billion stimulus bill: HR.1 - American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009. You can check out the complete list for some light reading, but I've listed some of the highlights for you below:



#129 - Flake (AZ) - Would prohibit funds from being used for any duck pond, museum, skate park, equestrian center, dog park, ski hill, historic home, ice rink, splash playground, or speaker system. Thank God! There are honestly just so many duck ponds in my neighborhood, and all those damn ducks seem to do is hang out at the local skate park next to the historic home and listen to music loudly on the speaker system. I swear, once the equestrian park moved in a few years ago, the neighborhood really went downhill. Splash playgrounds are springing up all over the place! And I think we all know museums are absolutely a menace to society.

#130 - Flake (AZ) - Would strike funding in the bill for the National Foundation on the Arts and the Humanities and the National Endowment for the Arts. Well OBVIOUSLY. If we're not funding museums we should definitely not fund the NEA. Why should those artists waste their time when they'll have no where to display their craft?

#59 - Hodes (NH) - Would allow states a time extension to complete Federal Highway Administration-funded projects if cold weather and freezing necessitate a longer time frame. I'm honestly surprised this has to be specified. Apparently, this is not common sense, as Hodes is particularly concerned about New Hampshire getting screwed due to bad weather. His Amendment #177 would allow states a time extension to complete funded projects if progress is disrupted due to crappy weather. This guy's clearly been through some bad winters.

#180 - Hoekstra (MI) / Bean (IL) - Would accelerate the depreciation time of commercial heating, ventilation, air conditioning and refrigeration (HVACR) units from 39 to 20 years. Phew! I cannot tell you how many times I have stayed up all night agonizing about HVACR depreciation. THIS is exactly the kick in the pants our economy needs.

#176 - Multiple Reps, mostly from CA - Would authorize $198 million for compensation for Filipino World War II Veterans. I had no idea there was such a large contingency of Filipino WWII vets. Either way, lets hope they've embraced the American way of spending and pump that $198M right back in the economy!

#78 - Kingston (GA) - Would reduce the funds appropriated or otherwise made available by this Act by 1 percent. Really? I mean its $825 billion...who cares about a measly 8.25 billion? Honestly, Kingston, loosen the purse strings a little.

#43 - Lipinski (IL) - Would require that any money spent under the bill be used to buy American-made products whenever possible. What a breath of fresh air - someone taking this bill very literally. No one told Lipinski he could tack on an amendment that provides $200 million in aid to Christmas tree farmers, or prohibits any spending of the funds on Tuesdays or any 7th of the month.

#61 - Mitchell (AZ) - Would prevent the automatic pay adjustment for Members of Congress from going into effect in 2010. Thanks for taking one for the team!

#32 - Nadler (NY) - Would increase appropriations in the bill by 75 percent. Neugebauer (TX) didn't react too favorably to this one...his amendment #109 would strike the appropriations provisions from the bill entirely. I think the standard procedure in the House of Representatives to remedy this is best-of-three Rock Paper Scissors.

#147 - Pitts (PA ) - Would require parental notification when a family planning clinic enrolls a minor in Medicaid. I think its pretty clear how exactly this relates to the economy. And by "clear", I mean "completely unrelated."

#76 - Snyder (AR) - Would allow funds to be appropriated for public aquariums, zoos, and swimming pools. As long as "public aquarium" isn't long for "duck pond," and "swimming pool" isn't fancy for "splash playground", Flake from AZ is perfectly cool with this. If there are horses in the zoo, though, that could be a deal breaker.

#5 - Wilson (SC) - Would strike all sections of the bill except those that fund our military and veterans, improve our nation’s infrastructure, and cut taxes. OH but COME ON, Wilson! What about HVAC depreciation??? How do you supposed to solve THAT one, huh? HUH?

Feel free to check out the full list and read first-hand politics at its most efficient: http://www.rules.house.gov/amendment_details.aspx?NewsID=4133. I don't mean to ruin the ending, but it looks like if this bill gets passed, no funding is going toward the National Mall Revitalization Fund. Try not to shed too many tears over that one.

A Winner , A Loser

This topic is continuing to evolve. A picture is worth a thousand words, so two pictures would make it clear as to the identity of America's Team.

7 Wonders of Illinois

Over on the sidebar, there's a link to the website of an organization that is conducting a revision of the Seven Wonders of the World. The 7 Wonders are evolving again; there have been the Wonders of the Ancient World, the Wonders of the Medieval World and now the Wonders of the Modern World.

The Wonders of the Medieval World are:
>Stonehenge (just a bunch of rocks)
>Colosseum (verrrry cool building in its day)
>Catacombs of Kom el Shoqafa (tombs in Alexandria, Egypt)
>Great Wall of China (inspired George Bush to wall the Mexican border)
>Porcelain Tower of Nanjing (260 feet tall, built in the 15th century, destroyed in the 19th)
>Hagia Sophia (this is the mosque at Istanbul)
>Leaning Tower of Pisa (not the one in Niles, IL)

The Wonders of the Modern World are:
>Great Wall of China (still a big hit!)
>Petra (ancient city of Jordan)
>Christ the Redeemer (the 120 foot tall statue in Rio)
>Machu Picchu
>Chichen Itza
>Roman Colosseum (also, still a hit)
>Taj Mahal /Great Pyramid (I'd leave them both in and make it 8 wonders)

The new wonders, the ones upon which the voting is being conducted, are occurrences in nature. They are wondrous wonders, indeed. All this wonderment got me to wondering if we here in the tundra aren't selling ourselves short. We have wonders, too. So, here's my Seven Wonders of Illinois:

*The Grand Canyon of 294. I am referring, of course, to the quarries of Thornton that are bisected by the Illinois tollroad. There's no extra charge to the tens of thousands who traverse the big hole every.

*The Veterans Highway Bridge. This is the 355 tollroad bridge over the Des Plaines River Valley. I have seen this when it wasn't there, I rode my bicycle on it before it was open, I've driven my car across it and I've stood under it, marveling at the tallest support posts I have ever seen. I've even seen the Discovery Channel show about it. This is a really wonderous wonder.

*Springfield. This is a little different from the others, in that "I wonder if there really is a Springfield, and if so, why".

*The Chicago Skyway. This is the most excitement you can have for two bucks, riding over the Skyway Bridge, especially if it's windy, wet, snowy, all of the above or Mrs PFOS is in the car with you. She is generally unhappy when riding over bridges. She is terrified when riding over this one. Despite her dislike, it is a verrrry cool view from up there.

*Grant Park and Lincoln Park. These are two of the best free spaces anywhere. Buckingham Fountain, the Bean, Lincoln Park Zoo, wonderful.

*The Mississippi Palisades. Metro folk don't frequently venture out to the West Coast of Illinois, but it's worth a weekend. Extremely cool vistas. I like the word "vistas".

*Pot Hole Season in Chicago. Like crabgrass, potholes return en masse every year, and the TV talking heads get all worked up about them, including my favorite term "pot holes are sprouting up everywhere". Holes are sprouting up...ok. BTW, the only natural enemy of the hole is the pile.

That's seven. I'm a little heavy on bridges. Send in your own nominations, please, to make this a more representative list. Rod's hairdo is not eligible for nomination, though "The Office of Governor of the State of Illinois" merits consideration.

On Geography

A coworker of mine just passed me a print-out of an Op-Ed from the New York Times regarding the oath flub perpetrated by Justice Roberts on Tuesday. After reading it, I thought I would post it to the blog (who doesn't love grammar, right? Right?). However, I clicked on a link next to the article called "No Snickering: That road sign means something else." The related picture showed a road sign reading 'Butt Hole Road.' Obviously, that article was far more enjoyable.

Here's the article: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/23/world/europe/23crapstone.html?_r=1&em. It may be cold and frigid in Chicago, but at least you don't live in a cold and frigid climate in a place called Crotch Crescent or Wetwang.

Also, here is the Justice Roberts article: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/23/world/europe/23crapstone.html?_r=1&em

Geirangerfjord

I learned about this place, Geirangerfjord, after clicking through the link at the right, the New 7 Wonders of the World link. This is stuff that you might have touched on in geography class in grade school and didn't pay attention and now it's kind of cool to relearn it.

Geirangerfjord is in the southern part of Norway. It is a 9 mile long branch of the Great Fjord.

Geography class reminder: Norway is the western side of the Scandinavian peninsula; Sweden is the eastern side. Ya, Sveeden.

A fjord is a long and narrow inlet from the sea that was created by glacial movement and melt and the accompanying abrasion. Most fjords are deeper than the sea to which they are connected, and at the mouth is a sill or "terminal moraine", an accumulation of the glacier's detritus, the rock and soil that the glacier dumped at the end of its advance.

Do not despair, fellow flatlanders! Norway does not have an exclusive on this terminal moraine thing. There is a terminal moraine (but no fjord) in Marseilles, IL, in Kendall County. My vacation plans are being revised right now.

Geirangerfjord is constantly threatened by the impending collapse of the adjoining mountain, Akerneset. There is a giant crevasse, the Akernes crevasse, that has been widening at an increasing rate.

When the crevasse finally blows, there will be a landslide of 50 to 100 million cubic meters of stuff that will have ceased to be Akerneset. The landslide will cascade into the fjord and set off a tsunami 30 feet high in the fjord (yo, Lars, surf's up!) that will inundate everything its path. The inhabitants of the towns of Geiranger (population 250) and Helleslyt (population 600) will have ten minutes from that time to escape the surge of the 30 foot wall of frigid water.

The link below will take you to a Google map of Hellesylt. Zoom back, a step at a time, to get the image of how this whole fjord deal works, and how screwed the Hellesyltians are gonna be when the crevasse ruptures.

I am changing vacation plans; scratch Marseilles, IL. I want to see this place. While it's still there.
http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&source=s_q&hl=en&q=Hellesylt,+6218+Stranda,+Norway&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=50.51141,73.125&ie=UTF8&cd=1&geocode=FdFVswMd3tVoAA&split=0&z=14&iwloc=addr

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PS:

I am posting the following photo as a public service to clear up some lingering confusion about the identity of America's Team.

Millenials

There's a new demographic in town. Make room for the Millenials. Maybe just take a step back and reassess.

The Millenials are people born between 1980 and 2000. I discovered this new (to me)demographic distinction while reading a trade magazine. The story informed me that Millenials visit restaurants 40 percent more than Baby Boomers, and restaurants need to recognize and respond to "the passing of the torch to the Millenials." There are about 75 million of them.

The article proceeds to advise that restaurateurs should do a self exam, asking if Millenials relate to the brand, how often are they attracted, how can the brand be modified to attract them without alienating others, and my favorite "What do you stand for, and will Millenials believe in it?"

Now, all of you Baby Boomers, Gen X'ers, Gen Y'ers, Me Generation, and anybody who's still around from the Pepsi Generation, don't go jumping off overpasses or cliffs or whatever's handy, some of you may make the cutoff for this new Millenial thing (except the BB's and the buzzards from the Pepsi Generation, taste that beats the others cold Pepsi pours it on, you're so screwed), worrying that you're gonna be ignored while the whole world targets its marketing machines on the Millenials to kiss their apparently highly desirable econmonic asses.

This group contains people between 8 and 28, or 29, or whatever. What the hell do they have in common? Some of 'em are kids, some of 'em already HAVE kids. The idea of "do they believe in what you stand for" is simply bullshit. Do you have what they (or anybody else with two nickels to rub together) want, and can you deliver it consistently in a manner that makes them happy? Bingo, you win.

Millenials visit restaurants 40 percent more than BB's. I must ask for a definition of "restaurant". Any crapshack that serves consumables qualifies as a restaurant. Coffee bars, McDonalds, every place with a deep fryer and a heat lamp is defined as a restaurant, and The Young Millenials (sounds like a mini-series, or a soap opera) are being fed by Mommy & Daddy's cash, and The Old Millenials (this could be the name of an Octoberfest band) are running like crazy trying to make some cash, so they're grabbing and going. The point of my testy response here is that this age group has been doing this forever, and the new title isn't a revolutionary insight into abherrent or changed behavior.

So stand down, turn off the alarms, everyone back to their comfortable, familiar demographic group and resume eating, spending and as you were. The invasion of the Millenials has failed.

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\

Postscript:

Here's a hint, in case you missed yesterday's subtle clues, as to the identity of the real "America's Team".

Inauguration Day, One More Thing

Let there be no confusion. It's now official. The real "America's Team", just ask the President.

I've Got the Bug

I did not pay attention to any previous inaugurations, so I don’t have anything to which I can compare today. I don’t believe, however, that America has ever experienced anything quite like this. Today, I felt physically pained that I was not at the inauguration. It felt like I was missing out on something of which I was genuinely a part. He’s my President – I should be there! I felt like it was Jeff Kastel’s bar mitzvah all over again – the biggest party of middle school with all my friends in attendance, but I couldn’t go. I was so jealous today of everyone on the Mall that I could taste it. It wasn’t a bitter taste; rather, it tasted like matzah ball soup.

The inauguration of the first African American president is a big deal. However, what is astounding, and what I don’t think has been given nearly enough attention, is that today was the inauguration of a President who mobilized an entire apathetic generation. Young people started discussing politics passionately. We knew we had a voice, we just never had a reason to use it.

My dad asked me last Friday about My Plan. Ah yes, I am at that age where everyone shakes off the last remnants of the college life-style and starts making important life decisions, taking the next step, moving on and moving up. Well, I didn’t have a plan before this election season, but if I had I would have surely thrown it out the window. The campaign and election stirred many hearts but this year’s politics combined with my new-found addiction for episodes of The West Wing, have had a profound effect on me. Yes, I too have been infected with that virulent optimism and sense of social responsibility that usually only strikes before the age of 16. Suddenly, and against everything I thought I knew about myself, I want to make a difference, and not just by buying those reusable bags in the checkout line at Jewel or installing halogen bulbs in all my light fixtures!

If you don’t know me, let me be honest here. I’m pretty self-involved. Trust me, if this fever has hit even me, it means it might be an epidemic.

Inauguration Day

It's a big day in history, today is.

The dope is out, hope is in.

Lots of black people excited that one of their own is becoming President, lots of white people wondering what happened to the other half of the ancestry. Lots of people of every hue who don't really care, either way, about that.

Conservatives certain that this starts us on our way to hell in a hurry, everyone else figuring this is the first step toward getting out of hell.

Joe Biden becoming familiar, the Wasillabillies fading (thank heaven) into obscurity.

The administration that presided over the worst eight years most of us have ever known has packed up their gear (and their zero accountability), the Chicago Gang coming to town with a national legacy to be determined.

Empty nesters leaving the White House, a family with two young children moving in.

People hanging on every word spoken by the man who's entering, people having long since stopped listening to the blather coming from the man who's exiting. "Yes, we can" replacing nothing that anyone can recall.

Inspiration instead of desperation.

Big party today. Big work starts tomorrow. For the ride to work, here's the new Ground Force One.

Buckle up, gang. It's going to be interesting.

Monday Morning Sugar

A friend sent me this list. It's from Dale Carnegie Training. I liked it, and I think you may find it useful too.

1. Live in a compartment of the present.

The professional with a commitment to service seals off each interaction with a customer so that negative experiences don't poison future interactions. Don't allow past successes or failures or future anticipated success or difficulties influence your current performance. When it comes to customer service, live in the moment.
2. Don't fuss about trifles.

A "trifle" is something that is insignificant in comparison to other things in your life. When you focus on trifles, you lose perspective. Keep the big picture in mind. Doing so will help you objectively sort out the small stuff from the important issues.
3. Cooperate with the inevitable.

Realize when your situation is inevitable. If you can learn to recognize situations where you have no control, you can gain some control over the emotional aspects of the situation. By cooperating with the outcome, you are making a conscious choice about how to respond to an inevitable situation.
4. Decide just how much anxiety a situation is worth and refuse to give it any more of your energy.

Once you make it this decision, it is easier to find ways you can improve on the situation or let it go and move on.
5. Create happiness for others.

This principle appeals to your nobler motives. It is difficult to sustain a negative attitude when you are doing something good or helpful for someone else. Simply put: Doing good for others makes you feel better.
6. Expect ingratitude.

In your job, you provide many diverse services. When you do so, you probably expect in return some signal of gratitude for your assistance. This expectation is rarely met. If you do receive heartfelt thanks from someone, you should count yourself lucky you are dealing with a grateful person. Most people are simply not accustomed to being grateful, even when you provide them with excellent service. You shouldn't let ingratitude deter you from providing top-quality service.
7. Put enthusiasm into your work.

Enthusiasm is the positive energy and sustained effort that keeps you driving toward your goals. Making a decision to have a positive outlook can be critical in enjoying your job and working with your internal and external customers.
8. Do the very best you can.

It can be difficult to deal with criticism, especially if you feel it is undeserved or if it hurts your self-esteem. One way to put criticism in perspective is to ask yourself if you are doing the very best you can with what you know and are able to do. If you are, then you can avoid taking the criticism personally. If there is room for improvement in your performance, you can look at the criticism objectively and take responsibility for improving your performance.

How's that feel, now?

New York Amazes Again

You know about the plane splash that occurred yesterday in New York City. The pilot, Chesley Sullenberger III, has been hailed as a hero, and I think he is. The actions of the crew also were exemplary.

Nobody said anything about the other heroes.
The guys with the water taxis.

I cannot imagine that the guys who drive the water taxis (and yes, I know they are licensed commercial captains, not just some group of yahoos in bass boats) have every been told to expect to go to the rescue of an airplane in the Hudson River. But when the moment arrived, these guys were right there.

New Yorkers are amazing.

Valkyrie

Some movies are challenged beyond the norm of suspended disbelief because of their subject matter. Take the movie Titanic, for example. You know before the movie starts that the boat is going to sink, but you watch anyway, and you hope that they miss the iceberg and you hope that everything will turn out fine and you buy into the story and the performances and when the boat hits the iceberg you're shocked as if this might have been the story about that other Titanic, the one where everybody lives happily ever after. Valkyrie faces a similar challenge in the subject matter, and the challenge is broadened by The Tom Cruise Controversy.

Challenges made, challenges met; Valkyrie is a winner and Tom Cruise gives a terrific performance.

The context of the story is familiar. Germany is losing the war and dissidents band together to kill Hitler and seize control of the German government. We know how their attempt is going to turn out. The movie takes us through a series of events leading up to the kill and coup sequence and the tension steadily builds as we await the results of the attempt. There's a brief historical retrospective at the film's end about the real people upon whom the film is based.

The Tom Cruise Controversy (wouldn't that be a good name for a band?) has been bandied about in the popular press. They warn us that there were issues filming in Germany, and there were issues with the Church of Scientology, and there are issues with Top Gun Maverick playing a WWII German army colonel.

We ain't got no stinkin' issues. Tom Cruise renders an excellent performance. There are top shelf supporting actors who likewise do an excellent job.

The only problem I had with any portrayal was that of Eddie Izzard, and the problem is mine. Izzard does a great job as a German general in charge of communications at the Wolf's Lair, the Hitler version of Camp David. Eddie Izzard, if you're not familiar, portrays Doug Rich on the terrific but overlooked A&E TV series, The Riches, and Eddie is a stand up comedian. Eddie performs his standup in his choice of garb, that being the short, middle aged transvestite that he is. The first time I saw Eddie perform his stand up on HBO, I had to turn it off after just a few minutes. I had to turn it off not because his act was bad, but because I found my brain unable to grasp what I was seeing: a short, stout, middle aged man with a cockney accent, wearing knee high leather spike heels and and leather shorts and a little leather cap and make up and you get the picture. Now, take that same guy and make him a WWII German general. He does a good job, but I was distracted by the image I had that he would go home from a hard day of general-ing and put on his transvestite clothes and prance around singing "See Vot de Boiz in Ze Bokroom Vill Hav" in a Marlene Dietrich voice.

Even if you haven't seen Eddie Izzard's act, you'll love Valkyrie.

The Net, The News and the Medium

I just read a story on News Busters that suggests that the New York Times, arguably the greatest newspaper in the world, is likely to go bankrupt in the first half of 2009. When the Times emerges from bankruptcy, it won't look like it does today. It is likely that the daily printed edition of the newspaper will be gone, while the Sunday edition will survive.

The Times currently boasts about 20 million on-line readers per day, and about a million and a half print edition readers. The print edition readership numbers are steadily declining. The revenue stream created by the print edition readers is substantial on a per reader basis. The income stream created by the on-line readership is not nearly as strong.

As a result, the post-bankruptcy version of The Times will not be able to financially support the staff that has previously been supported by the print version. This means jobs will be eliminated. Writers, and the information and ideas and nuance that they convey, will go away. Content will come from co-op sources.

The New York Times, the greatest newspaper in the world, will be a commodity depository with some home grown content included to distinguish it from...USA Today?

Now, the Sunday New York Times is one of the greatest pleasures in which you can selfishly indulge. Mi esposa would buy me one from time to time, not lately though, as the paper isn't easy to find here near Stately PFOS Manor and there aren't too many empty Sundays, though winter is a great opportunity.

I don't know what the end result of the Times bankruptcy will be, and surely the people who run the great newspaper will offer something that will make it continue to be distinctive. I do know that technology has once again commodity-ized a product that we have been accustomed to enjoying in a highly customized form.

In this case there is a rather incisive irony. The internet, the medium that has advanced the dissemination of knowledge at a greater pace than anything in the history of the world, is the primary instrument forcing the reconstruction of the great newspaper, and the end result will be something less than that with which we began.

Nobody's fault, no one to blame. Less is more, sometimes, but not in this case.

Ann Coulter, Evil Genius

Unless you've been asleep for the last two weeks, you've probably noticed that Ann Coulter has been on a whirlwind publicity tour that rivals the comeback effort of Britney Spears. I was late to work last Wednesday because I couldn't get in the shower until Ms. Coulter's interview with Matt Lauer on the Today Show ended. If you didn't catch it, Matt Lauer guaranteed his admission into heaven for making it through the interview without clocking Ann right in her skinny horseface. Matt Lauer was more patient than a pre-school teacher as he tried to coax Ann into rationally defending her position, only to be rewarded with her snide remarks and ridiculous generalizations that really had nothing to do with anything. For instance, she defended the fact that in her new book, Guilty: Liberal "Victims" and Their Assault on America, she only refers to Barack Obama as "B. Hussein Obama" by stating over and over that Barack Obama has stated that he likes his middle name. Come on Ann, its pretty apparent that you aren't calling him B. Hussein Obama because you hope to lauch the name "Hussein" into the 2009 Top 10 Baby Names List (Emma and Aiden were the top names for 2008. Hussein, surprisingly, didn't make the cut). My showerhead got an earfull as I responded to each of Ann Coulter's statements one by one. I'd like to think that I only attacked Ann Coulter's offensively conservative beliefs, but I am, after all, female, so I couldn't help but throw out some insults about her orange tan, fake blonde hair, and pretty apparent eating disorder. Granted, no one heard me, but I felt better after I picked apart everything Ann said point-by-point, and I reminded myself (outloud) that Coulter is a woman who would probably throw her full weight behind Palin 2012, and let's be serious...seriously?

Soon after my tirade, I came to a harsh realization: the joke is on me. Why? Because I want to buy her book. Incredible. She didn't publish this book for conservatives--she knows the smart conservatives think she's a blowhard publicity whore, and the conservatives who would get all fired up about the President-elect's middle name are likely not the types to go out and purchase Ann's book of misunderstood statistics. She wants me to hate her so much that I can't help but run out and buy her book so I can scream and argue and dissect her beliefs one page at a time. And I'm going to do it...I just don't know how. I really can't march into my neighborhood Borders at the edge of Boystown and slam Ann's shiny hardcover down on the counter because I would get bitch-slapped by either the clerk or his boyfriend before I had the the time to explain how I vote. I can Amazon the book but where am I going to read this once I somehow purloin it? (Purloin: to appropriate wrongfully and often by a breach of trust. I chose this word carefully.) Most of my reading is done in public (the gym, the airport, etc.). I can't possibly be seen reading this in public because it would totally destroy my street cred. But I just can't help it -- I have to know what she says in those pages so I can tell someone - anyone - exactly how wrong Ann Coulter is.

So, if you happen to see someone with her nose buried in Ann Coulter's smut, try not to judge. It might be me, and you won't want to disturb me lest I decide to tell you EXACTLY WHY Ann Coulter is ignorant and judgemental and incorrect about everything and damn it I spent $30 on this book when I already knew that.

American Idol Starts Tonight

Tonight begins the eighth season of searching for a singer. This show, a modern version of what The Original Amateur Hour did on radio about seventy years ago, is one of the money making marvels of our time. First, how many of the seven winners can you name? I'll list them in a minute.

This is the show that partnered a semi-well known old rocker, a washed up singer/dancer and an unknown, egotistical record promoter and turned the synergy into a top tier entertainment brand. It's only part of the empire, though. American Idol is a spinoff of the British "Pop Idol" that hit the airwaves a year earlier. There have been "Idol" shows in more than 30 countries.

1st Season Winner: Kelly Clarkson

Judge number one is Randy Jackson. Randy is 52 years old, married twice, divorced once, father to three. He's played bass for a lot of famous bands, produced hits and has a radio show. He also has the most annoying affectation as he calls everybody dawg.

2nd Season Winner: Ruben Studdard

Judge number two is Paula Abdul. She's 46, used to be a Lakers cheerleader, has had six number one records, two marriages and two divorces. She's pretty wacky, but she's sold 56 million records and thinks she can sell more. If you saw the video for her last effort, it's likely that the number isn't going a lot higher anytime soon.

3rd Season Winner: Fantasia Barrino

Judge three: Simon Cowell, is 49, has had success and failure and then more success in the music business and now earns 40 million bucks a year just from Idol. He's also produced a number of shows on his own, including the highly successful "America's Got Talent".

4th Season Winner: Carrie Underwood.

Judge number four debuts tonight: Kara Dioguardi, age 38, has been a success as a writer, producer, singer, TV producer and now the injection of new blood into the show. Watch to see how the chemistry develops.

Winners 5, 6 and 7: Taylor Hicks, Jordin Sparks and David Cook.

Now, I had planned to rip on the show, but in doing the research, found that Idol winners are selling zillions of dollars of records each year, Idol losers are starring in everything (Katherine McPhee is the best looking Idol loser) Idol judges have a bigger track record than I could have ever imagined and everyone in the world watches.

I got nothin'.

The Vagrant and the Fern

On one of our vacations, we took a cruise that docked in Miami. Our plans included an extra day at the end to hang out in Miami before returning home. We decided to spend part of the day at a beach in the renowned South Beach area.

It was not without some trepidation that the beach trip was agreed upon. I reminded the Mrs of the trip, years earlier, when we had spent some time in Miami, and decided to stroll through the park out to "World Famous Miami Beach". As we passed the outdoor shower area where beachgoers can rinse off the sand and salt, we were startled by the unpleasant sight of a free spirited chap who was partaking in his morning ablutions. Told otherwise, we had stumbled upon some yahoo, naked as a jaybird, soaping up his flabby ass etc. as if he was home in the privacy of his shower, which I'm guessing he didn't have, neither the home nor the shower. "Just keep moving, kids, wow, look at those waves! "

So, this time, as we drove slowly along Collins Avenue, I was on the lookout for unusual pedestrians. We were the second or third car in line at a red light when a rather hirsute and unkempt chap sidled up on the sidewalk alongside our car, wheeling his belongings in front of him. As we watched, he leapt backward (as well as a hobbling hobo in a trenchcoat can leap, more like a slow motion lurch) and began a tirade that was directed at a potted fern on the stairs of a residence.

The fern, a more resolute being than Hairy Harry, held its position, as Hairy railed on, his arms waving, his demeanor becoming more animated by the moment.

Ever the image of self control, the fern stood its ground. We had now held our observation position through several cycles of the traffic signal, evoking horns, hollers and gestures from the cars who passed us. This excitement served only to spur Hairy to greater levels of disenchantement with the fern, as Hairy seemed to think that passersby were supporting his argument.

Finally, Hairy threw both arms skyward in disgust, dismissed the fern, reclaimed his shopping cart condo and resumed shuffling. Amazed and highly amused, we drove on, having been grandly entertained by this singular display of disorientation.

Two stoplights ahead, and this is the absolute truth, an individual who could have passed for Hairy's long lost twin shuffled into view. There were no ferns in sight, but new Hairy II flew into a rage nonetheless and began his own highly animated tirade against an unseen antagonist. We didn't need a second show, so as the light turned green we headed on for the beach.

World Famous Miami Beach, that is.

Careful With the Cronies, Barack

I have been highly unimpressed with the reign of Arne Duncan over the Chicago Public Schools system. Most notorious among his "achievements" was the institution of the pay for grades program, where students get cash payments from the schools for each of their grades. CPS already has a big spending-per-pupil number, and this scambo doesn't do anything to improve it, in my judgement it just throws some hush money into the equation.

So I was rather disturbed to see that Barack was putting old Arne up for Secretary of Education. I know that Arne has a decent jump shot and he's an awesome rebounder, but after the White House basketball team finishes its season, there is some actual work to be done, and Checkbook Arne doesn't impress me as the guy to do it.

Then I caught a story in the SunTimes last Thursday that the CPS had spent $67,000 on expresso machines last year (along with some other interesting mal-administration, detailed in the audit), adding to the resume of Arne Duncan, Power Forward. Let's see, the CPS year in review...some loony preacher takes busses full of kids up to New Trier, cash payouts to kids, changing grades for athletes, spending $250,000 bussing kids into a school in Gage Park they weren't supposed to be in and expresso instead of algebra books. We're only half way through the school year, too, so there's surely more to come.

Arne might foul out early in this game. Maybe Barack should be looking for bench strength, say the accomplished veteran, Paul Vallas. I'm not sure about Paul's jump shot, though.

National Championship Trophy

This is The Coaches' Trophy, awarded annually to the winner of the BCS national title game, the national champion of the college football world. A trophy just like the one pictured here will go to the winner of tonight's Florida v. Oklahoma game.

The trophy is a handmade Waterford crystal football mounted on a mahogany base. It's valued at something like $30,000.

In the spring of last year, a high school football player from Plant High School (near Lakeland), who was taking a tour of the University of Florida, bent over and in the process butt-whacked the University's 2006 trophy off the table upon which it had been set.

The kid broke a $30,000 trophy. Insert here your own joke about dumb-ass, stupid ass, big-ass, etc.

It was insured. I refer to the trophy, not the infringing visiting buttocks. Apparently, two or three replacement crystal footballs are ordered each year from Waterford by the various schools who have one of these pricey baubles. Accidents happen. If I were in charge of a the safety of a $30,000 trophy, I would think that accidents should never, ever, happen, but I don't deal with enormous young athletes for a living, so maybe I'm being naive. If you would like, Waterford.com has mini versions of the football, four inches long, that you can own for $185, plus shipping, of course.

The kid hasn't made a college choice yet, but he is already famous.

That is all.

Resolutions

Yahoo ran a story the other day with a bunch of celebrities' New Year's resolutions. Brittney wants to stop biting her nails, some rapper wants "ten bitches with money", and Cameron Diaz says she thinks she should start wearing a bra.

I don't care about Brittney's nails, any woman who hooks up with a chap who refers to her as one of his bitches deserves what she gets, and Cameron Diaz, braless or not, is rarely relevant to my existence or my entertainment world.

The list brought up two thoughts. The first is that my highly intelligent, young, professional daughter recently confided in mi esposa that she is a Brittney Spears fan. Not just a fan, but a "huge fan". It is amazing, the things that kids say, even adult kids whom you think you know. I would have been less surprised had she said that she is a closet Trekkie or that she is being treated for an addiction to cole slaw. Brittney? Isn't being a Brittney fan like looking up to the trailer park gang from My Name is Earl?

The second reflection is a further bit of consternation, this one as to why Cameron Diaz would want to remind the world that she demurs when it comes to selecting underwear. Cameron has always seemed to me to be quite charismatic, and she has taken modest thespian skills a long way. She is also pleasantly attractive, though not overly endowed in the hooter department. Cameron also seems to always accomodate with a knockercentric photo pose. I am, therefore, casting my vote that Cameron Diaz, no, she should not start wearing a bra in 2009.

As for my own New Year's resolutions, I don't make any. I make resolutions along the way, throughout the year, each time I find some issue worth resolving about. For example, every few months I resolve to cut back on the number of f-bombs that I drop, cutting back to maybe a couple of hundred a day. Likewise, I frequently resolve to avoid things and people that annoy me, and by acting on those things in real time instead of waiting for a new year, I keep my pissed-off quotient manageable, most of the time. Some of the time, anyway.

I frequently resolve to try to enjoy life's moments more frequently, and I have success with this in spurts. This resolution leads to surrounding oneself with people that make life enjoyable, and likewise accepting that some folks are simply assholes and deserve whatever misery is their current lot.

That's it. Brittney, bitches and boobs. Just another happy day.

Spaceship Earth

I have been hearing for most of my life a few terms about our planet that make no sense to me, probably because I paid no attention when someone tried to teach me . I am referring to Equinox and Solstice, the planetary behaviors, not the names of the teachers to whom I paid no attention. I have a vague recollection that Disney, too, may have tried to teach me this as I rode thru spaceship earth in Epcot, but I was much more interested in hollering "wooooo-hoooo, this is awesome" than in paying attention to the disembodied voice that was trying to educate me.

As I have recently remedied my ignorance (only in this specific area), I would like to share what I have learned…before I forget it, which will likely occur very soon.

First, equinox. If we grab the “equi” part, which is derived from "equs", “equal”, it’s easy to remember the meaning. Twice a year, during the earth’s trip around the sun, the tilt of the Earth’s axis will be neither toward nor away from the sun. At this point, we have equal amounts of daylight and darkness. One time is in the spring, and one time is in the fall. The spring is the vernal equinox, the fall is the (duh) autumnal equinox. Vernal, by the way, comes from the latin "ver", spring. How 'bout that...
Solstices are the other extremes from the equinoxes. During the solstices, the relative tilt of the earth’s axis is at its extremes. The result is that at the summer solstice, we have the greatest amount of daylight and at the winter solstice we have the least amount of daylight.

At this time, those of you who are versed in astronomy are rightfully incensed that I have skipped about 99% of the science that explains all this. You are correct. I have elected not to attempt explaining that science because it made my brain hurt. I will, however, throw in some cocktail party factoids that I encountered along the way.

The earth rotates on an imaginary axis that is tilted at 23.44 degrees.
The tilt varies between 22.1 and 24.5 degrees.
The tilt is why we have seasons.
These solstices and equinoxes are instantaneous, fleeting points in time.
The earth rotates on its axis. The earth revolves around the sun.
The orbit of the earth (revolution) is elliptical.
The earth is moving through space at 67,000 miles per hour.
The orbit takes 365.26 days. That .26 necessitates the leap year adjustment.
We just had the winter solstice on December 21.

In 2009, the vernal equinox will occur March 20, and summer solstice will occur June 20th, at one minute to midnight.

My brain is starting to hurt again, so it is time to stop.

Fuddy Duddy, and Spouse

I have attempted, along with my spouse, to age, as they say, gracefully.

Make a note. It is official. We have failed.

On New Year's Day I gave a call early in the evening to Grandpa and Grandma to wish them well for the new year. I had avoided making one of those midnight phone calls the night before, figuring they might have turned in early.

When they answered the phone--both of them, as they frequently do, which is somewhat disarming, the two hellos, like a delay--their voices sounded fatigued. I pumped up the enthusiasm and tossed out a Happy New Year, hoping they'd perk up.

"What did you do last night?," I enquired with some reluctance.

"We were at a New Year's party at some country club in Niles," replied Grandpa. "The Ampol Aires played. Good food, you know, open bar, good music. Then, when that party ended, we headed over to the Stardust, they were having another band, so we went over there and stayed there 'till, I don't know, 3:30 or 4, and hell, we didn't get home and get to bed 'till, I dunno, around 5. It was tough for Grandma, ha-ha, she can't handle it so good anymore."

"Ah, it was the food. The food didn't agree with me, I ate too much," chimed in Grandma. "So I had to take it easy today, that's all. What did you guys do?"

My turn.

"Ummm...we went out for dinner...around 6:30...in town...and, ummm, we, uh, that was about it."

The picture above is the Ampol Aires, the entertainment of the early portion of Grandma and Grandpa's evening. The picture is from 1965. While most--not all--of the band members have changed over the years, they are still playing, and Grandma and Grandpa are still out there partying.

And we are not.

We have been passed on the party scale by Grandma and Grandpa and the Ampol Aires and an army of polka dancing senior citizens who certainly don't want to hear anything about aging gracefully.

That is all.

Marketing Classic

On New Year's Eve in Las Vegas, some motorcycle jumping guy shot his machine nearly ten stories into the night sky and landed atop the Arc de Triomphe at the Paris Hotel. He drove the bike around the top of the Arc a few times and then drove it off the edge, hit the ramp properly and stuck a successful and safe landing. The good citizens of Paris, France, were unavailable for comment, but they may want to look into this new and novel use for local landmarks Chicago, not to be outdone, saved its spectacle for New Year's Day.

The newly revived Chicago Blackhawks Hockey Club, Inc., played the perennial powerhouse Detroit Red Wings yesterday at the world's largest saloon, Wiggley Field. The game was OK, 41,000 people showed up to party, the most successful operation in Detroit prevailed and the marketers accomplished exactly what they had hoped for.

What a dopey event.

I had hoped that this space would be poplulated today by a noted non-fan of hockey, Amy, who was in attendance at yesterday's chilly New Year's party, but apparently all the revelry was too much for her. Through a phone call about an hour before the game, we first learned that Amy had been pressed into service as a Blackhawk Standby when her significant other's pal was taken ill. Whether the illness was revelry-related was not disclosed.

The last two contacts from Amy, text messages, informed us first that she had lost the feeling in her extremities and then that she had fled the outdoor saloon and found comfort at an indoor watering hole. Papa didn't raise no fool.

Unable to overcome my curiousity, I watched parts of the Winter Classic from the comfort of the recliner while also watching yet another of my bowl wagers go up in smoke in a substantially warmer setting, warmer for me and at the bowl game, too. Back in Chicago, the hockey game was the most aggressive advertising campaign that I can remember ever seeing, simply amazing.

The bankrupt Tribune company, which spent $1.5 million last spring to have the notoriously horrendous Wiggley playing surface rebuilt (by Roger Bossard of the White Sox), had no qualms about renting out their playpen for a hockey game. I cannot be convinced that this will not have a negative impact on the ground the Wiggleys hold sacred.

Next, the pricey tickets for contest did not assure that you could actually see what was occurring on the ice. By my guesstimate, the seats nearest to the rink were close to a hundred feet away. Those seats were also obstructed view, as the side boards of a hockey rink are about three and a half feet high, so most of the lower deck seats were unlikely to see much of the actual ice surface. Another round here, beertender.

Some of the hockey heroes of my youth were dragged out to create a more festive mood for the show. Bobby Hull, once the most venerated athlete in town, looked right at home at the world's largest saloon. He joined good old #21, Stan Mikita and Wiggley favorite Ryne Sandberg in a bizarre rendition of Take Me Out to the Hockey Game. They all appeared to enjoy singing away as the home team was getting pounded. Upon reflection, that was consistent with a hundred years of summer behavior at Wiggley.

The money shot for this game didn't land in the net. It's the shot that appears above, the throwback jerseys with the decrepit Wiggley scoreboard in the background. The uniforms are for sale right now on NHL.com, and the photos, framed and with commemorative plaque affixed, should be available shortly for your purchasing and reminiscing pleasure.

What the hell...it's better than a picture of the motorcycle guy in Vegas.

The Granddaddy of Them All

The first post season college football game was held in 1902 as an added attraction to Pasadena’s Tournament of Roses festival. The University of Michigan came out to the west coast and beat home state favorite Stanford 49-0 in three quarters of play. After the third quarter, Stanford was getting schmeered, so they quit and left.

The first Tournament of Roses had nothing to do with football. Twelve years prior to Stanford's hissy fit, the good people of Pasadena decided to show off their paradise to the Easterners and Midwesterners who were buried in frigid winter, so they put together a festival. During the first few years, the events at the festival included ostrich races, bronco busting demonstrations and a race between a camel and an elephant (the elephant won).

That 1902 football massacre caused the committee to avoid football the next year…actually for the next 13 years. In 1903 there polo matches and the crowds stayed away in droves. The replacement was chariot races, held from 1904 to 1915 In 1916, football was back, and Washington State beat Brown in front of 14,000 people.

The contemporary festival features the world famous Rose Parade, and this year is the 120th edition. The Rose Parade will be broadcast on ABC, NBC, Univision, HGTV, Travel Channel, RFD-TV as well as KWHY and KTLA in the Los Angeles area. The Parade is also seen in more than 200 international territories. The photo above is from the 1920 parade. Looks like a major party time...not.

This year's Rose Bowl features Penn State & USC, which provides an excuse to run a picture of the USC cheerleaders.

So get a good seat in front of the big screen today and enjoy a unique American spectacle. Happy New Year!