George Ryan, Dick Durbin, Linda Ronstadt

Stop George Ryan's escape.

Illinois Senator Richard Durbin has started working on requesting a commutation of sentence for convicted criminal and former governor George Ryan. Here are pertinent facts from a story printed in the Springfield State Journal Register.

Ryan, 74, was convicted in April 2006 of steering contracts, tax fraud, misuse of tax dollars and state workers, and killing a bribery investigation. He began serving his sentence in early November 2007 at a federal prison in Oxford, Wis., and was transferred Feb. 28 to a prison in Terre Haute, Ind.
“Let’s look at the price he’s paid,” Durbin told reporters. “His family name has been damaged. … He has lost the economic security, which most people count on at his age. And he is separate from his wife at a time when she is in frail health. To say that he has paid a price for his wrongdoing — he certainly has. The question is whether continued imprisonment is appropriate at this point.”

This is wrong. George Ryan is a textbook example of what is wrong with government in Illinois. George Ryan belongs in prison, paying for the wrong he did to you and me and every other citizen of the State of Illinois by defiling the trust vested in him as governor of the state. Take a minute and tell Richard Durbin what you think. I did.

http://durbin.senate.gov/

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

It’s the day after , and Christmas season and college football are entering their fourth month. The football action has shifted to the warmer regions, bowl bids are still up for grabs and there’s money to be made. After 98 predictions, I am even. That is cause for either hope or desperation. This weekend’s selections:


Washington State @ Hawaii -29.5
Many points, yes. Washington State is terrible and the Rainbows usually skewer teams like this at home.

Florida -16.5 @ Florida State
Urban Mayer has no soul. Keep it up!

Syracuse @ Cincinatti -21.5
Syracuse spent everything last week proving that USB stinks.

Fresno State @ Boise State -21
Smurfturf is the answer.

That’s enough for this weekend . Go shopping now and help the economy. Buy a couple of houses. Oh, yeah, the still willin' part: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSbYE4H28zI

The Year Before Thanksgiving

8 Surprising Turn-Ons for Men

This started with Men's Health Magazine. They posted the question and readers responded. Here are the revelations, 8 Surprising Turn-Ons for Men. You are forewarned, they are generally contemptible, and Men's Health may be turning into Cosmo for males.

1. Standing Tall
A woman who stands tall typically a) dresses well, b) exercises often, and c) is confident about her body and what it's good for. And if she's proud of her figure no matter what shape or size, that makes men take notice, as well.
All you hunchback girls better get with the program...or do like that monobrow chick in the Planters Nuts commercial and dab cashews behind your ears. Imagine "Hunchbacks Gone Wild"...no, don't.
2. True Grit
...there's something insanely attractive about women who can bite their lips, buck up, and grit out some of life's twists, turns, sprains, and pains.
This one made me laugh out loud. Sounds like these guys are fixating on the women of ultimate fighting. It could also describe Brie Hodge from Desperate Housewives, who could eviscerate an opponent without interrupting the arrangement of her floral bouquet. While each is admirable, they're neither of them very evocative.
3. Baseball Caps
...we like a baseball cap the most when it's worn by a woman. The look sends all kinds of messages about the kind of woman she is: sporty, strong, comfortable kicking back, Sox fan.

Maybe it says she didn't want to mess with her hair, or she was painting the kitchen. Now that we have a Sox fan headed to the White House, Sox caps are de riguer for the fashionista any place, any time...almost. Whatever works for you. If a guy is attracted to a wpman, she can wear one of those Carmen Miranda fruit baskets on your head and it's not gonna run him off. Conversely, if he's not interested, a baseball cap ain't gonna whisper Jump me, big boy.

4. Software Savvy
There's something sexy about a woman who can click a few buttons and get something working exactly the way she wants it to.
OK, the nerd herd has volunteered its opinion on how to score hotties, and unless you believe the Revenge of the Nerds movies, those boys ain't creating any friction with actual women, so this one is lightly regarded.

5. Sexy Shampoo
...the smell of her freshly washed hair that's nestled up under the chin on a Sunday morning is a reminder of all that's good about relationships.

I don't believe that this was actually written by a guy, at least not by a guy who likes women or is not some Hannibal Lechter loon. Now, if they had something about team showering, there I'd concur, but rooting around and sniffing her head like you're an airport security dog, well that sounds like full perv mode to me, pretty out there.
6. Understated Underwear
Slinky and small lingerie works for anniversaries, birthday surprises, honeymoons, and other seduce-me moments. But the look that makes men feel both comfortable and excited is when she's wearing boxers (waistband rolled) and a thin-as-can-be T-shirt that's neither too tight nor too big. Call it supreme sexiness in the understated. The same effect can be achieved by wearing his old dress shirt and a pair of panties.
I printed this one in its entirety. It's goofier than the head sniffer. Victoria's Secret and Frederick's are not successful because of women who dress for boudoir success like they raided the Amvets donation box. This must have come from some weasel who sits in his parents' basement watching Jennifer Aniston movies in the dark and sucking down Mr. Pibb by the gallon, and whose last conversation with a real girl cost $2.99 a minute. Be careful not to let the air out of your girlfriend, Romeo.
7. Dirt and Sweat
Of course, men like to see their women dolled up for a night out. But many men appreciate the exact opposite: The woman who hikes, bikes, mows the lawn, hacks trees and branches, and otherwise pulls her weight. Seeing the dirt, mud, sweat, and occasional road rash is something that stokes our primal side.
This, too, is printed in its entirety. While I respect anyone who works hard and/or plays hard, your normal men and women have an understanding, one that I believe most people of average or better IQ share: go clean up that stank 'fore you come 'round here. May I reintroduce here that team showering idea? Gawd, these guys are dumb!
8. A Few "Duh" Moments
Men like smart women (see "software savvy," above). But there's a small part of a man's brain that wants her to have an occasional dollop of ditziness. Why? Because if she can show that she may not know everything, it reinforces something deep inside a man that he's needed, that he's trusted, that he can be there to help.
Gag and gag again...while I am fond of teasing my partner when she does goofy things, I do not wish on her "a dollop of dizziness" to enhance my self image. This had to have been submitted by the guy with the blow up girlfriend, as most of the women I know would run screaming from a condescending bunghole with this approach.

Most of the crap that makes up these 8 "surprises" sounds like it was concocted by self pleasuring dreamers who can't get a squeeze without negotiating price in advance. So what's the surprise? That there is no surprise...we males are pigs, we like being so and are highly unresponsive to inducements to change. We have evolved, though...most of us, anyhow.

That is all.

Sexiest Man Alive 2008

When I saw that People Magazine had published its Sexiest Man Alive 2008 list, I immediately pulled up the list on the net. Naturally, I wanted to see if I was on the list, and hadn't been given notice ahead of time, it would make me Sexyman peevish, and I needed to know if any of the guys from the neighborhood or from work had made the list and if I had been left off, so I could get my stack of derisive comments ready.

Well, now that I have perused this supposedly authoritative compilation, I can see that we never had a fair chance. Here is the list, and you will see that it is bogus, with a lot of nancyboys and fops, whose place here I shall negate, forthwith.

#15. David Beckham

Cool, even if he does play soccer. List position affirmed.

#14. Joshua Jackson

Came from Dawson's Creek. Nancyboy! To quote Alfred E. Neuman, "bleccchhh"! List position emphatically denied.

#13. Robert Pattinson
A Harry Potter actor. Riiiight...absolutely not acceptable on a sexyman list, no way. Dweeby ain't sexy. Denied.

#12. Javier Barden

This is the guy from No Country for Old Men who went around blasting people with the livestock stun gun. Niiiice.... If you can walk around with a compressed air tank and have your way, you have arrived. List position affirmed.

#11.Mark-Paul Gosselaar

Married 12 years with two kids, likes to look shaggy. That's the good. Starred in Saved by the Bell and hyphenated first name. That's the not so good. Write it off as a youthful indiscretion . List position affirmed, barely.

#10. Lang Lang

Lang Lang is a Chinese piano player. Yes yes, I'm serious serious, a Chinese piano player. All those kung fu guys, and they pick a piano player? Jim Lang, maybe. (He was the host on The Dating Game, remember "...and heeeeere they are!")Lang Lang, denied denied.

#9. Blake Shelton

If you're going to put a country singer on the list, I say you go Toby Keith. Big, rough, truck selling guy who was a roughneck in the oil fields, We'll put a boot in your ass, it's the American way, yeah, baby! Sorry Blake, denied.

#8. Michael Phelps

Pile of Olympic gold aside, this is a weird dude, more reptile than Sexyman. List position denied.

#7. Ed Westwick
21 years old from something called Gossip Girls. Looks like he spends a lot of time looking in the mirror practicing his cool look. If you are, you don't need to practice. List position denied.

#6. Blair Underwood

He's 44, has three kids, always projects a pissed off attitude on screen, and women grab his ass in supermarkets. And who among us has not had that happen, getting groped at the deli counter while they're packing our pierogis? Position affirmed.

#5. Robert Buckley

27 years old, appeared in Lipstick Jungle. Who the hell is this guy? Denied.

#4. Zac Efron
This little fella starred in High School Musical 3. Is there anything in that description that sounds remotely sexy or manly? No. Nothing. And the photo from the list had "Sexy Zac" laying on a beach all wet in a jacket and tie. Sexyman no, dopy-ass kid yes. List position denied.

#3. Jon Hamm

This guy is one of the stars of Mad Men. If I want to see Mad Men, I will go to the local tavern during any Bears game. It ain't sexy, but it's real. Double denied.

#2. Daniel Craig

He's James Bond. He does a lot of his own stunts. List position definetly affirmed.

#1. Hugh Jackman

"6 ft 2 in, all scruff and biceps...can sing, dance and wield a weapon" Puh-leeze! I'm big and scruffy on Sunday mornings and I can sing and I dance at weddings sometimes, but I'm not on the list...what is going on here, double standard wise?! Hugh Jass, maybe...

OK, ladies (and gents, we are not gender discriminate here), what do you think? To view the list

http://www.people.com/people/package/gallery/0,,20237714_20241212_20545237,00.html

Size Matters

Top Ten American Universities by Enrollment

10. Penn State 42,900

9. University of South Florida 43,600

8. Texas A&M 45,400

7. Michigan State 45,500

6. University of Central Florida 46,600

5. Texas 49,700

4. Minnesota 50,400

3. Florida 50,900

2. Arizon State 51,200

1. Ohio State 51,800

These figures are full time students during 2006. Now, the wager results for the weekend and some cheerbabe photos.

Cheerbabes workin' it, 1959 -->

Army @ Rutgers –17
Rutgers, 30-3

17 looks a little tall on the spread, but you gotta play to win.

"W"

Illinois –2.5 @ Northwestern

'Cats, 27-14
Cheer for the Wildcats, bet on the Illini.

I lost some cash, but I love the 'Cats!

"L"

Pittsburgh +5 @ Cincinnatti

Cincinnatti, 28-21
It’s the Wannie factor.

Bettting on Wannie is like betting on USB.

"L"

Tennessee +3 @ Vanderbilt

Tennessee, 20-10
I think Tennessee is less better, maybe more worse.

"W"


Syracuse @ University of South Bend –19.5

Syracuse wins a big one, 24-23
The Manatee’s group will, for this Saturday, ring down the thunder (pause) from the sky and quell all the buyout rumors. Syracuse stinks, South Bend will be rockin’.

South Bend was rockin: the student section was throwing snowballs at the football team, the crowd booed their beloved team, and USB lost to a team that's already fired their coach but is making him work the rest of the season. I simply can't stand USB. No more betting on them. Never, ever, ever.

"L"

Texas Tech @ Oklahoma –7

OK 65, TT 21
This is going to be a great football game.

It was, if you're a Sooners fan.

"W"

Michigan State +14 @ Penn State
Penn State, 49-14
everything says Penn State. I say MSU.

With the spread, I still lost by 21. Gawd, I suck at this.

"L"

Boise State –6 @ Nevada

Boise, 41-34
Boise State needs to rock somebody's world without the blue field.

Rock someone my ass. They need to play a little defense. Still, we squeak by.

"W"

Idaho @ Hawaii –23.5
Rainbows, 49-17
Pete’s Perfect Pick

"W"

Five W's and four L's sthis weekend. After 12 weeks, back where I began.

Purple Flag on Saturday

NCAA Forces Sweet Sioux Into Retirement Today

Politically Incorrect, My Ass!

Pirates Update and Football Picks

Update on the Somalian pirates: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081121/ap_on_bi_ge/piracy

******************************************

Sure, healthy, wealthy and wise... I am 43-44-2 as we launch week 12. Ya pays yer money and ya takes yer chances.

Army @ Rutgers –17
Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey, comes in at 5-5, the Black Knights of Army are 3-7, 1-3 on the road. Rutgers has had a very average season against much better opposition than the Army has faced. 17 looks a little tall on the spread, but you gotta play to win.
Illinois –2.5 @ Northwestern
The book kicks the ‘Cats in the pride once again. NU is 8-3, the Illini are 5-6. The Sweet Sioux Tomahawk is on the line, Illinois needs another win to become bowl eligible (not necessarily bowl worthy) and Northwestern needs the win to get a better bowl. The Illini are more up and down than anyone in football, and they’re due for an up. Cheer for the Wildcats, bet on the Illini.
Pittsburgh +5 @ Cincinnatti
Here I go again, another ride on the Wannie coaster. Pitt is undefeated on the road, Cincinnatti is undefeated at home. Something’s gotta give, and since I’m leaning Cinci, I’m betting Pitt. It’s the Wannie factor.
Tennessee +3 @ Vanderbilt
“The Vanderbilt Commodores”. Sounds impressive and snotty, doesn’t it? Tennessee is 3-7 with no road wins. Vandy started their season 5-0, then lost four in a row before beating Kentucky last week. Vandy’s not that good, but I think Tennessee is less better, maybe more worse.
Syracuse @ University of South Bend –19.5
The Manatee’s group will, for this Saturday, ring down the thunder (pause) from the sky and quell all the buyout rumors. Syracuse stinks, South Bend will be rockin’, as it celebrates the beginning of six months of winter in northern Indiana. Reminisce about that.
Texas Tech @ Oklahoma –7
This is going to be a great football game. The Sooner Schooner is one of the coolest mascots in the world, and they have contortionist cheerleaders. I’m taking Oklahoma, OK.
Michigan State +14 @ Penn State
I have problems predicting Penn State. There’s going to a several million people in the stands at Happy Valley, it’s going to be cold, Michigan State has a history of losing big games, JoePa is a legend, everything says Penn State. I say MSU.
Boise State –6 @ Nevada
Boise State needs to rock somebody's world without the blue field.
Idaho @ Hawaii –23.5
Two Gun Pete made this a Pete’s Perfect Pick. Go with it!

Divine Caroline

There's a website, Divine Caroline, that has a guide to interpreting one's body, called What Our Features Say About Us. This guide says that physical characteristics can indicate personality traits. Here's a sample of Divine Caroline's outlook, and a slightly more pragmatic approach.

Eyes--Caroline Says: Look at the space between your eyes--can you imaging another eye fitting there? No? Narrow, you are closed minded. Yes? You are open minded and averse to authority. Perfect fit? Good judgement, balanced view of the world.

Eyes--I say: When I was a kid, I spent a summer working in my uncle's machine shop. One of the employees was Crazy Richie, whose eyes never looked in the same direction simultaneously. He could stand on the corner facing southwest and look east on 51st Street and north on Damen Avenue at the same time. Never knew if he was talking to you, the guy next to you or to himself. Richie could have used that third eye to balance things out, it would have been his "straight ahead eye", kind of like a Bose system, where the bass sounds come from the center speaker. Remember the Creature from the Black Lagoon? One eye, center stage, freaky.

Nose--Caroline says: Big nose, could get caught up in money. Small nose, shy, timid. Wide nose, emotional, laid-back. Thin nose, tightly wound, tempermental.

Nose--I say: If your parents did their job, you learned to keep your nose out of other people's business or risk ending up with a big, wide beezer to help you remember. By the way, did you know that Abraham Lincoln's nose on Mt. Rushmore is 21 feet long? Divine Caroline doesn't talk about that, now does she, or that a big nose makes you personally aerodynamic.

Fingers--Caroline says: Long fingers, deep thinking, logical. Short fingers, goes by gut, sensible.

Fingers--I say: The guy on the highway yesterday had one real long finger and I don't think he was a deep thinker.

The Feet--Caroline says: Podomancy is the study of feet as a means of divination.

The Feet--I say: there is a whole area of fetishism devoted to people who are really into this. It's simple. Some people have really f***ed up feet, all gnarled up and nasty. Some don't. Podomancy my arse.

For more weird Caroline, go to http://www.divinecaroline.com/article/22264/59849-features-say-us

That is all.

Pirates, Somalia and WikiTravel

I'm sure that you've seen the stories about modern day pirates that have become more prominent over the last few years. Most of the stories involve piracy on the seas near Somalia. Reading these news stories finally prodded me to find out about Somalia, home of the modern day pirates.


First off, I had to find out where the place is located. It is on the east side of Africa, in the horn. The accompanying map will clear it up for you if you are geographically vague, as I am about much of the world. It is slightly smaller in land mass than our state of Texas.


On its northwest to eastern borders are the Red Sea, the Gulf of Aden (where the problems are concentrated), and the Indian Ocean.
Across the Gulf of Aden are Yemen and Saudi Arabia.

There have been 199 incidents and attempts at piracy across the world this year. 63 out of those 199 events have occurred in the Gulf of Aden.
From whom are they stealing ? 90% of India's foreign trade volume goes through this region.


How did this get started? In 1991, the last "permanent" government of Somalia imploded, and along with it went Somalia's military. The waters around Somalia are rich in tuna. Absent a deterrent force, illegal plundering of the waters began. Somalia's fishing industry took matters in its own hands and went to sea to combat the illegals, and the pirate nation was born.


From the initial "fines" that were levied on the illegal fishing boats, the pirates have upgraded over the years to seizing multi-million dollar cargo shipments and demanding multi-million dollar ransoms. Late in September of this year, Somali pirates seized a Ukranian ship loaded with $30 million worth of military equipment. They have offered it up for a $20 million ransom.

Somali pirates are currently holding 12 ships and 200 crewmen for ransom. Armed with grenade launchers and rockets, the pirates have become quite brazen, recently doing a thirty minute phone interview with the New York Times.


Somalia was formed in 1961 when Italy and Great Britain each renounced their holdings of parts of the territory. A Somali government was put in place and stayed there until 1969, when the president was assasinated. Maj0r General Mohamed Siad Barre seized the presidency, a position he held until 1991, at which time he abdicated. The following year was marked by civil war and a severe drought that claimed 300,000 lives. American troops went in in 1992 to protect humanitarian shipments and became themselves victims of the violence, exiting for good the following year. The film Black Hawk Down was based on events of this time period. Since 1991 there has been a succession of failed governments.

Facts about this unfortunate place:

• Population is estimated at 9.5 million. The population is nomadic and subject to relocation in response to the country's ongoing internal violence, so an accurate count is impossible.
• The prevalent religion is Sunni Muslim
• The literacy rate is about 38% overall, 50% for males and 26% for females.
• The legal system is a mixture of English common law, Italian law, Islamic Sharia, and Somali customary law.
• There is no formal banking system. Money exchanges have emerged in its absence.
• Exports include livestock (65% of total export earnings), hides, bananas, fish and charcoal.
• The capital city is Mogadishu. Here is an excerpt from the WikiTravel posting for Mogadishu:

WARNING: Mogadishu is regarded as the most lawless and dangerous city on Earth. It is not safe for leisure or toursim. If you are planning a visit for international aid work, etc., you will need expert advice and planning.

• Despite the absence of a government and the endless fighting, the country has a healthy "informal" economy.
• In Mogadishu, hotels continue to operate. They are protected by private militias.
• There is virtually no industry today. Most of of the machinery was looted and sold for scrap.
• There are, nationwide, -0- AM radio stations, 1 FM station, 3 TV stations, a half million radios and 150,000 TV sets. I wonder if they get I Love Lucy reruns...
• There are 3 internet service providers and a few hundred internet users.
• There are about 1,500 miles of paved roads.
• There are 60 airports in Somalia. 7 of them have paved runways.

That is all. Yar!

The Fighting Illini

The home state's football team, actually all their teams, are known as the Fighting Illini. Given the high profile of the banned Chief Illiniwek mascot, many people assume that the Illini were the native tribe of the area that became the state of Illinois.

Not so fast, all you braves and squaws in your orange t-shirts.

The Illini were a group of tribes native to this area. The largest of those tribes were the Peoria, Kaskaskia, Tamaroa, Cahokia, and Michigamea. Apparently they had once been a single tribe and had been divided as their numbers grew large, but they remained close. The drawing is of Keemorania, a Peoria chief.

The Illini were congregated along the Mississippi River and the Illinois River valley. This was prime real estate, good for agriculture and hunting. There were even buffalo herds in Illinois at the time. The Illini numbered somewhere between 10,000-12,000 at their most prolific, around the year 1680. The tribes that lived adjacent to the Illini were not the most desirable of neighbors: to the south were the Chickasaw, to the north were the Fox, Winnebago and Sioux, and to the east the nastiest group, the Iroquois.

There were five Iroquois tribes: the Mohawk, the Oneida, the Onondaga, the Cayuga, and the Seneca. The Iroquois were in the beaver pelt business, trading the pelts to the Dutch settlers in New York state. The Dutch paid for the pelts with modern warfare tools: steel knives and steel hatchets, guns, powder and ammunition. While it would take a few years to play out, the beaver pelt business assured that the Illini were going to catch a major whippin'.

The Iroquois depleted the beaver stock and moved west to find more, headed toward the good old Illini. The Illini were still using prehistoric quality tools, stone hatchets and bows and arrows, and they got whipped pretty badly, this in the late 1600's.

A couple of decades later, the Illini warred with the Fox, doing better in the battles, but still paying the price of attrition. Next, the Illini signed on to fight with their ally, the French, against the Chickasaws. The Chickasaws were blockading French trade traffic on the Mississippi River, traffic that was trying to link up to the French settlements in Louisiana. That war ended up with no clear victor, but the Chickasaw became the enemy of the Illini forever.

Now, when you select an ally, you really hope to pick a winner. The Illini had chosen the French. The British and the French warred, and the French lost, with the final bell being rung in 1763. Obviously, that left the Illini squarely behind the 8-ball. The worst enemy was still to come, and it wasn't the Brits.

Progress was coming. Settlers, and the United States Government.

The continual warring over the many, many years had left the Illini pretty well decimated. In keeping with the spirit of the times--and what would mark U.S. policy toward native Americans--the government struck a series of treaties with the Illini. The short version:

Treaty of Greenville: Illini gave up Chicago River delta, Illinois river delta, and parcels on the Ohio River and Mississippi River, plus 150,000 specified acres. Illini got $500.

Treaty of Vincennes: Illini gave up 9,000,000 acres. Illini got $12,000 and 1,500 acres.

Treaty of Castor Hill: Illini gave up the rest of their land in Illinois and Missouri. Illini got land in southeastern Kansas, near the Shawnee reserve.

This was 1832, and the fighting Illini were gone from Illinois.

Federal recognition of the Illini was not restored until 1978. With a current enrollment of nearly 2,000 and 39 acres of tribal land, the Peoria Tribe of Oklahoma is located in Miami, Oklahoma.

That is all.

Football Results

Starting the week at 38-40-2.

Central Michigan +4 1/2 @ Northern Illinois
Northern's second half comeback got them to OT, but CMU QB and Benet HS alumnus Dan LeFevour prevailed, 33-30. We won a thrilla.
"W"

Oklahoma State @ Colorado +16 1/2
OK State 30, Colorado 17
LOVIN' IT!
"W"

Boston College @ Florida State -7
Letdown game for BC and a tear 'em up late in the season game for FSU.
BC 27, FSU 17
Shows what I know...
"L"

Virginia Tech @ Miami -4
Miami won 16-14, no cover.
"L"

University of South Bend -4 @ Navy
Navy lost, 27-21
The Navy kids never gave up, but the other guys were better. Trailing 27-7, they scored in the last two minutes to make the score 27-14, recovered an onside kick and threw a long pass to set up another TD, making the game 27-21 with 1:20 to play. Then they recovered another onside kick to regain possession of the football but couldn't put the ending on the miracle. What a great effort!
"W"

Connecticut -10 @ Syracuse
Connecticut won 39-14
"W"

Mississippi State @ Alabama -19
Alabama 32, Miss St 7
'Bama stays #1 in the polls, and we get a
"W"

South Carolina +21 @ Florida
FLA, 56-6. "When 21 just isnt' enough"
"L"

USC -23 @ Stanford
DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!!! Stanford scored a meaningless TD at the end of the game. Final: USC 45-23.
"L"

Five up, four down for this week. The late TD by Stanford ruined the whole weekend. Year to date is now 43-44-2.
Decidedly unspectacular.

My Wife Doesn't Read These: Football Week 11

The old ball & chain kicked me right in the self esteem, informing me, with utter disregard for my fragile self, that she skips reading "all that football stuff".

Off topic, I: Professor, make sure your pop wears his sunblock and straw skimmer in Florida!
Off topic, II: I walked into the kitchen early Tuesday morning and Chucky was on my radio with Steve Dahl. Very alarming. Next time I would like to be forewarned.

I began the week with a record of 38-40-2. Here's seven bullets (actually nine, two were fired at earlier games, Central Michigan & Florida) for this week:

Central Michigan +4 1/2 @ Northern Illinois
Northern's second half comeback got them to OT, but CMU QB and Benet HS alumnus Dan LeFevour prevailed, 33-30. We won a thrilla.
"W"

Oklahoma State @ Colorado +16 1/2
Colorado is only 5-5, but they've played a very, very challenging schedule.

Boston College @ Florida State -7
Letdown game for BC and a tear 'em up late in the season game for FSU.

Virginia Tech @ Miami -4
Our on-campus 'Cane says there's big emotion building for this one.
Miami won 16-14, no cover.
"L"

University of South Bend -4 @ Navy
The Manatee is fighting for his life (if you can actually get worried with seven years left on a multi million dollar contract). Even so, I just hate to bet against Navy.

Connecticut -10 @ Syracuse
STP Partners has concluded that 'Cuse has folded its tent.

Mississippi State @ Alabama -19
Remember how Keith Jackson would snap off his words, he of the precise diction: Al-a-BAMMA!
South Carolina +21 @ Florida
21 is a lot, we usually give in these situations. This week we get.

USC -23 @ Stanford
Pete Carroll has begun to unleash the hounds.

Three games below grade, still, as week eleven begins. Like Harry Callahan asked, "...do I feel lucky..."

Out With the Scoundrel

Each time that I have witnessed a changing of the guard in the White House, I have experienced a bit of an emotional charge. Watching the exit of the outgoing president and his wife and family (if there was one) has created a little pang of remorse, as I have seen this fellow almost daily for four or more years and he and his loved ones are about to stride off into the sunset. He has devoted years of service to all of us, made decisions popular and not, and become more familiar than almost anyone. If you haven't guessed, I am very, very bad at saying goodbye.

This time around I will have no feeling of remorse, none.

No president in my recall has been more vigorously or cruelly lampooned than George W. Bush. Each president has been the subject of jokes, comedic impressions, political satire and spoofing. None have been ripped with less restraint than has "W".

None has deserved it more.

I love Letterman's film clips of W babbling nonsensically, presented in counterpoint to great oration. Likewise I am thrilled when Frank Caliendo tees it up on Mr. Bush and vilifies the president. I am gratified when just about anyone makes fun of W, tells a joke about him, draws a mean cartoon, anything. This seems a bit irrational, an overreaction perhaps.

I can't help it. George Bush has presided over eight of the most debilitating years that the USA has seen since World War II. No one has been held accountable under his charge. George's mumblespeak and myopic view of the degradation of America's quality of life during his regime are overshadowed only by the dearth of leadership that is the hallmark of his administration. John Kerry's weak opposition in the '04 election is the answer to the "how did he get re-elected" question. The legacy of W's presidency is certain to be unkind at best.

There was a short feature on TV about wecoming president-elect Obama to the White House. I watched W reminisce about how he had met with Bill Clinton eight years ago, saying he'd even called Bill to chat about it. Arrogant turd, we're drowning out here in the backwash of your incompetency while you're dreamily reminiscing!

So when George and Laura toss the keys to 1600 Pennsylania Avenue to the Obama family, I will be pleased to see him go. If the new president had to buy the White House, he'd be getting a deal on devalued real estate but he'd have trouble getting credit. W has left us something by which to remember the Bush presidency, that being the mountain of debt that you and I and our kids and their kids will be grappling with for decades to come.

This time, I have no trouble with good-bye.

Fast Food Roulette

I've talked a few times about playing drive thru food roulette, where you order, pay, drive away and then open the bag to see what you've received, which is frequently not what you asked for, but what you've come to expect. It seems that I'm not the only one watching.

QSR Magazine, a restaurant trade publication (QSR stands for Quick Service Retail), compiled a list of fast food restaurant accuracy ratings. How they came up with the numbers wasn't disclosed, but I would guess it's along the lines of exit polling, as opposed to driving thru thousands of drive-thru's and ordering millions of dollars worth of grease soaked food and evaluating the accuracy of each order and phoning it in to a breathlessly waiting fast food accuracy score keeper.

Anyway, the results are startling, and like your surprise food purchase, unexpected. Here are selected scores, from best to worst:

#1. Chick-fil-A 97.1%
#2. Culvers 95.2%
#6. McDonald's 94.5%
#8. Burger King 93.6%
#9. KFC 93.4%
#12. Wendy's 92.0%
#13. TacoBell 91.9%
#16. White Castle 90.8%
#21. Dairy Queen 87.4%
#24. Popeyes 84.2%

I tried to discern some meaning from this collection of numbers. We don't have Chick-fil-A in the north, but I have sampled their fare and it's good. Do they have a better system or better people than #2 Culvers? Culvers is generally more costly than most fast food, and it's made to order. Chick-fil-A seems more the traditional grab-one-from-the pile system. Do you like your food piled before it's served? Mashed potatoes excluded. I'm guessing that the Chicklets are trained better and spend a few seconds more verifying that they're grabbing the right stuff, or maybe their average store sales are lower, so they aren't as harried. People ordering fast food are notoriously impatient and frequently less than gracious, so wilting under pressure may be a problem. Culvers has more steps, as the order taker has to get the information correct so that the food is made to the correct order, so there's more opportunity for error.

McD's and the King, locked in a death struggle, like Coke and Pepsi, were two spaces apart. Statistically, one in 20 times your order will be messed up. I have not eaten at McD's and the King, combined, twenty times this year, so I expect to get a hugely screwed up order if I go to either of them soon.

KFC's number is puzzling. It's chicken in a bucket, biscuits in a bag. How do you get this wrong? Do you run down the street and get Whoppers to throw in the bucket, 'cause dang it, you're not perfect!? Or are your customers trumping up the charges because they're nervous from the Colonel's beady little eyes staring at them from the bucket, so they give bad rankings?

Wendy's and Taco Bell were wrong about 8% of the time, or about 1 in 12 trips. I have never had a wrong order from Wendy's, so I believe that there is a group of survey respondents out there trying to discredit the little girl in braids. I am not accusing the King, but he is very creepy. Just sayin'. As for Taco Bell, it's all the same crap presented in different tortillas, so who really knows whether it's right or wrong?

The final three offer answers. White Castle cannot possible get that many orders wrong, and all those people standing in line, half in the bag on Saturday nights, cannot possibly recall the next morning what they ordered or what they actually ate. I think the poor scores are an attempt to avenge the digestive problems that the diners do remember.

Dairy Queen, 87.4%. Nearly 1 in 6 orders incorrect. When they hand you your food at DQ, it's all right there, an ice cream cone or a Blizzard or whatever. Don't accept chocolate if you ordered vanilla--hint: you wanted white and they're trying to give you brown--and they will fix it, or give it to you free, so you can quit giving them bad scores. Yes, I like Dairy Queen. I don't buy actual food there, just Dairy Queen stuff.

Last on the list was Popeyes. Love that chicken from Popeyes? Except when it poisons your whole family, like it did to mine...and their corporate customer service didn't do a goddam thing.  We were violently ill for days.  "Here you go, sir, 12 pieces, spicy, with the surpise salmonella seasoning..."

I do have a few real questions. First, if you made this many errors in your job, would you not get the boot? Maybe that is how people find their way to work at these restaurants, 'cause they got canned at the nuclear power plant.

Second, if you owned the restaurant--and most of these places are owned by regular people who depend on them to make a living--wouldn't you work your ass off to make sure your people get it right all the time? Mistakes happen, but one of every 6 orders wrong is practically monkey accuracy.

Finally, the vaunted systems of the companies that franchise these brands might need a little tinkering, wouldn't you say?

Imagine how the sign would look: McDonalds--"millions and millions served the wrong stuff"

Today is Veterans Day

Today is Veterans Day.
A salute to :
Brad
Pete
Grampa
Mike
Uncle Sig
Rick
Ken
and millions more. To add your own, hit the comments link.
Please hit the following link. http://usmilitary.about.com/cs/generalinfo/a/veteransday.htm

Half Full or Half Empty?

Five up, five down for the weekend. That's entertainment. Sure ain't profitable, so I'm going with entertainment value.

Syracuse +14 @ Rutgers
Rutgers, 35-17
My thought is that the Orange can stay inside the points.
They didn't.
"L"
Wisconsin -10 ½ @ Indiana
Wisconsin, 55-20
I’ll take the Badgers and give up the points.
Sagacious, no?
"W"
Purdue @ Michigan State -10
Michigan State, 21-7
This is going to be a tune-up game for Michigan State and the Boilers are gonna get spanked.
It was, they did.
"W"
Florida -24 @ Vanderbilt
Gators, 42-14
FLA likes to humiliate people. Vandy is next in line.
It could have been a lot worse for Vandy, judging by the way the Gators rolled 'em up early. Maybe they got bored?
"W"
SanDiego State @ BYU -36 ½
BYU, 41-12
36 ½ will make this a stretch, but I think the Fighting Mormons have it in them.
They didn't. This is what happens when you get greedy.
"L"
Utah State @ Boise State -32.5
Boise State, 49-14
Boise likes to score a lot of points on the SmurfTurf
Hey, Pete, we gotta bet these early, before the line swings.
"W"
Louisville @ Pittsburgh -6 ½
Pitt, 41-14
Wannie’s rolling, Louisville isn’t very good
This is happiness.
"W"
Michigan @ Minnesota -7 ½
Michigan 29-6
I see this as the Gophers’ rebound game.
HA!
"L"
Penn State -7.5 @ Iowa
Yer kiddin’ me right? Joe’s boys are going to clobber the Hawks, book it.
How arrogant of me!
"L"
Baylor @ Texas -26
Texas, 45-21
Give up the points, lock up the women and children and watch Baylor get destroyed.
They had to give up that 4th quarter TD, damn!
"L"

Year to date: 38-40-2. I have been treading water a long time. So, is the glass half full or half empty?

STRONG 10 FOR WEEK 10 FOOTBALL

I am almost back to even as we wait for week 10 to kick off. My investing associate, Two Gun Pete, was much chagrined by last week's grand failure. The STP Partners' portfolio, always in tune with the time, suffered its largest single day decline in value since the fund was established in 2002. We have assured ourselves that this is an anomaly and we are prepared to come out firing our way back to prosperity this weekend. We are also considering applying for a federal bailout and giving ourselves a bonus or taking a junket, as everyone else is getting flush this way, and we feel it is only fair that we receive equitable treatment, particularly because we are a diverse organization with magnanimous objectives.

That's my story and I'm stickin' to it. Here's this week's outlook:

Syracuse +14 @ Rutgers
The Orangemen come in at 2-6, Rutgers is 3-5. Rutgers is fresh off a bye week that would have been their letdown game, that being the followup to a the 54-34 kick in the Wannie they gave to the Pitt Panthers (the same Panthers who then went out and beat the University of South Bend in an overtime futility battle in which they didn’t cover the spread). Syracuse beat Louisville 28-21 last week, so this should be their letdown game. My thought is that the Orange can stay inside the points.
Wisconsin -10 ½ @ Indiana
The Badgers are 4-5, having lost to MSU 25-24 on a last second field goal last week. The week before, Wisconsin pasted the Flighty Illini 27-17. Indiana is 3-6, with their only big win coming courtesy of Northwestern. Wisconsin seems to be improving week by week. Indiana is licking its wounds from last Saturday’s smackdown by Central Michigan, 37-34. I’ll take the Badgers and give up the points.
Purdue @ Michigan State -10
The Boilers won 48-42 last week against frustrated Michigan, using an exciting hook and ladder play to score the winning TD as the clock wound down. Sparty enters with an 8-2 record and visions of a major bowl game. Purdue is 3-6 and waiting to bring down the curtain on Joe Tiller’s reign. This is going to be a tune-up game for Michigan State and the Boilers are gonna get spanked.
Florida -24 @ Vanderbilt
Vandy started off the year hot-hot-hot. They are not-not-not in the same league with the Gators, though they will have their home crowd and fans to surround them this Saturday. The home town folk will witness a beatdown of grand proportion. FLA likes to humiliate people. Vandy is next in line.

SanDiego State @ BYU -36 ½
BYU is the Cougars, not the Fighting Mormons as I would have had them. SanDiego State is the Aztecs. The Aztec is also the ugliest car ever produced by Pontiac, but I am digressing. Bright yellow is its most hideous rendering for the automotive Aztec, and now I have digressed further. BYU was an early season high flyer, getting derailed by the Horned Frogs of TCU a few weeks back. 36 ½ will make this a stretch, but I think the Fighting Mormons have it in them.

Utah State @ Boise State -32.5
Boise likes to score lots of points on the SmurfTurf. I think they will do just that this Saturday against the 2-7 Aggies of Utah State.
Penn State -7.5 @ Iowa
Yer kiddin’ me right? Joe’s boys are going to clobber the Hawks, book it.
Baylor @ Texas -26
The Longhorns are going to be very, very angry this weekend after TexTech gutted them last week. Give up the points, lock up the women and children and watch Baylor get destroyed.
Louisville @ Pittsburgh -6 ½
Oh why, oh why do I do these things???? Wannie’s rolling, Louisville isn’t very good and this is only their third road game of the year, everything’s ripe for another Wannie screw up…I’m taking Pitt and giving the points anyway. No guts, no glory. No Wannie, no nothin’.
Michigan @ Minnesota -7 ½
I see this as the Gophers’ rebound game. They are plentymuch p.o.’d after Northwestern’s Mike Kafka ran for over 200 yards against them last week. MN would love to trash the Wolverines in the Humpdome to assuage their Land of 10,000 Lakes depression. Another smack in the beezer for Rich Rodriguez.

As for the local lads, come Saturday afternoon the Lemont Indians will travel to the ersatz tundra of Gately Stadium, 103rd and Cottage Grove, in the heart of Chicago's scenic south side, to tangle with Morgan Park. My last trip to Gately was when I was a sophomore in high school, as my son is now.

There is no punchline to that bit of anecdotal information, sorry. That is all.

Bless You

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to cold and flu season! Today, we shall discuss the common annoyance and aggravation known as "the common cold". How common are they? Adults average 2 or 3 colds per year. Children average 6 to 10 colds per year.

A common cold is caused by a viral infection located in the nose. Children's noses are the major source of cold viruses. I did not make this up. You may verify the information by referring to Viral Infection of Humans: Epidemiology and Control, 4th ed. A.S. Evans, and R.A. Kaslow, editors. I believe these people to be researchers, not anti-childites.


Cold viruses live only in the noses of humans and not in other animals, except chimpanzees and higher primates. I would assume that those of you who have a pack of pet chimpanzees running around the house are therefore susceptible to more colds and spend a lot of time trying to teach your monkees to use Kleenex and giving them chicken soup flavored Purina Monkee Chow.

Point of order: Chimpanzees are apes, monkees are not. I generically refer to bentover hairy creatures with simian faces as monkees (except my old Uncle Carmine, who has taken exception more than once).

How does one catch a cold? The cold virus is deposited in the front of the nasal passages by contaminated fingers (your own, I would imagine, though this was not specified) or from droplets from coughs and sneezes. If you do not wish to catch any more colds, I recommend that you strap on a hazmat mask between November and March. Mind you, I am not an M.D., but I think that it would be fun to see everyone running around with big orange masks trying to talk on their cellphones. There should also be a tube in your mask so you can suck up your Starbucks without exposing yourself to the virus.

When one catches a cold, why does one become a sneezing, hacking, dripping excuse for a human? AH-HAH! Your body's immune system has sounded an alarm: COLD VIRUS DETECTED! Then it sets off to repel the invader by releasing inflammatory mediators. "Inflammatory mediators" is one of those oxymoron terms, as I expect mediators to be non-inflammatory by nature. That, among other reasons, is why I am not, as I have already warned, an M.D. The most famous of the mediators is histamine. It is the most famous because everything we take when we have a cold advertises anti-histamines. If you are going to be anti-anything, you should know why.

The mediators, battling the invading virus, cause dilation and leakage of blood vessels and mucus gland secretion, or more directly, snot and phlegm. No, not the B96 morning team of Snot and Phlegm, but the hock-a-loogie kind. Your body is apparently trying to wash that virus away in a sea of yuck.

"Feed a cold and starve a fever". This is a myth, a myth of proportion equal to the existence of a Republican Party in Cook County. You should eat healthy always, and a cold is no excuse to shovel food into you sneeze port like there was no tomorrow. Some other common misconceptions include :

• a weakend immune system makes you more susceptible to catching a cold, and
• dry air from central heating systems makes you more susceptible and
• catching a chill makes you more susceptible

Not so and not so and not so.

So, now that you're terrified of the invading virus, how can you minimize the likelihoold of being afflicted? Choose:
A) Consume enormous amounts of vitamin C
B) Wear a garlic necklace and carry a stick to poke at any virus bearers who come near you
C) Pour Robitussin on your Cheerios every Thursday morning
D) Wash your hands frequently

The correct answer is "D", although a regimen of actions A through C will certainly not hurt your chances. Washing your hands frequently will destroy the viruses that you have acquired by touching contaminated surfaces.

You may also wish to toss your chimpanzees in the wash frequently to destroy their viruses, and don't laugh when you see Uncle Carmine.

That is all.

About Last Night

I stayed up and watched as America made history last night. Some thoughts:

WGN TV should get an award for the visuals that it supplied from Grant Park last night. There were so many great pictures of the people in the audience, faces illuminated with joy and happiness, it was magnificent to view.

• The crowd estimates were classic Chicago: the reporters said 65,000, city officials said 125,000, and the mayor said a million. Other than that, last night Chicago went a long way to distance itself from the biggest-hick-town-in-the-world behavior that normally characterizes big events.
• WGN's on-site reporter was Jackie Bange, who stepped up and set herself apart with a top notch performance, sharing insight and showing restraint. Bravo!
• WGN's studio crew: their guest list was excellent, host Mark Suppelsa isn't quite to the level of Channel 7's Ron Magers (whom I now consider to be the top dog) and co-host Micah Materre isn't big news material. Suppelsa, a very likable fellow, was rather windy, and Materre, well, she appeared to be out of her element.
• Dennis Hastert is a crotchety old fart. Toni Preckwinkle is an excellent communicator, even though she always looks irritated. The political commentator, whose name I must go look up, was one of the most eloquent people on TV last night, local or national.
• Channel 7's Andy Shaw botched his big moment, telling us that his ABC network had not yet projected a winner, that coming just seconds after we saw that ABC projected Barack to be the winner.
• The woman who sang the national anthem should have had the words in front of her, what an embarassment!
• John McCain's concession speech was the most effective communication I've ever seen from him. It was another example of a candidate who has shown us a better side of himself too late. He was graceful, elegant and in control...too late.
• Barack's victory speech was a big step up in class; I was spellbound.
• The conclusion of the speech, when everyone had left him alone onstage, was incredible. He waved to the crowd, turned and walked to the back of the stage, where Michelle was waiting, her hand outstretched. He took her hand and they walked to the side curtain together, pausing and turning to each other for the briefest of moments before exiting. It was a unique, warm and exciting moment.
• From the sublime to the ridiculous: Jesse Jackson seems to have become irrelevant, and I wish the TV people would treat him that way and spare us the mumbly mumbles and history Jesse-style that comes with putting him on camera.
• Tony Peraica should go away.
• Likewise for Jim Oberweis, who is now 0-5.
• Paul Vallas reminds me of John Lithgow on Third Rock from the Sun. Doesn't matter what he's saying, all I can see is Third Rock.
• Fox 32 had snippy Lauren Cohn on their coverage. That's how I chose Channel 9.
• I didn't see Richie Daley, anywhere at all.
• My daughter texted me at 10:10 p.m. a simple message: God Bless America.
• Yes.

That is all.

U.S.A. VOTES TODAY!!!

Week 10 Football Scoreboard

More W's than L's this weekend, lovin' it. The investment portforlio, on the other hand, had its most miserable weekend in history.
Go vote tomorrow!

Iowa @ Illinois –2
Illinois 27, Iowa 24
Both teams will have 5-4 records come Sunday morning.The over and under on this game is 50. It will have gone over before its over .
This isn't exactly how I thought it would come out, but the numbers work.
"W"
Northwestern @ Minnesota –7
NU 24, Minnesota 17
The ‘Cats lost their leading rusher and probably their quarterback
Yes, they did, and the replacement for those two was Mike Kafka, the 'Cats QB who ran for over 220 yards as Northwestern hikes its record to 7-2.
"L"
Iowa State @ Oklahoma State –30.5
OK State 59, Iowa State 17
they are going to score 1.3million points against the Cyclones
Not quite a million, but yee-ha!
"W"
Missouri –21.5 @ Baylor
Mizzou 31, Baylor 28
The money is huge in favor of Mizzou.
Sometimes it's good to be a casino. Hell, it's always good to be the casino!
"L"
Washington @USC –45
Pete Carroll 56, Tyrone Willingham 0
I look for Pete Carroll’s Trojans to try to annihilate Tyrone’s Washington. 45’s a lot of points. Buckle up!
"W"
Wisconsin @ Michigan State –5
MSU 25, Wisconsin24
Sparty booted a last second field goal to win by a point. Not enough to cover.
"L"
Washington State at Stanford –30.5
Stanford 58, Washington State 0
Jim Harbaugh’s Cardinal don’t get many opportunities to really paste anyone, so they’re unlikely to pass this one up.
They didn't...
"W"

Four wins, three losses, one game closer to .500. Season record 33-35-2.