A common cold is caused by a viral infection located in the nose. Children's noses are the major source of cold viruses. I did not make this up. You may verify the information by referring to Viral Infection of Humans: Epidemiology and Control, 4th ed. A.S. Evans, and R.A. Kaslow, editors. I believe these people to be researchers, not anti-childites.
Cold viruses live only in the noses of humans and not in other animals, except chimpanzees and higher primates. I would assume that those of you who have a pack of pet chimpanzees running around the house are therefore susceptible to more colds and spend a lot of time trying to teach your monkees to use Kleenex and giving them chicken soup flavored Purina Monkee Chow.
Point of order: Chimpanzees are apes, monkees are not. I generically refer to bentover hairy creatures with simian faces as monkees (except my old Uncle Carmine, who has taken exception more than once).
How does one catch a cold? The cold virus is deposited in the front of the nasal passages by contaminated fingers (your own, I would imagine, though this was not specified) or from droplets from coughs and sneezes. If you do not wish to catch any more colds, I recommend that you strap on a hazmat mask between November and March. Mind you, I am not an M.D., but I think that it would be fun to see everyone running around with big orange masks trying to talk on their cellphones. There should also be a tube in your mask so you can suck up your Starbucks without exposing yourself to the virus.
When one catches a cold, why does one become a sneezing, hacking, dripping excuse for a human? AH-HAH! Your body's immune system has sounded an alarm: COLD VIRUS DETECTED! Then it sets off to repel the invader by releasing inflammatory mediators. "Inflammatory mediators" is one of those oxymoron terms, as I expect mediators to be non-inflammatory by nature. That, among other reasons, is why I am not, as I have already warned, an M.D. The most famous of the mediators is histamine. It is the most famous because everything we take when we have a cold advertises anti-histamines. If you are going to be anti-anything, you should know why.
The mediators, battling the invading virus, cause dilation and leakage of blood vessels and mucus gland secretion, or more directly, snot and phlegm. No, not the B96 morning team of Snot and Phlegm, but the hock-a-loogie kind. Your body is apparently trying to wash that virus away in a sea of yuck.
"Feed a cold and starve a fever". This is a myth, a myth of proportion equal to the existence of a Republican Party in Cook County. You should eat healthy always, and a cold is no excuse to shovel food into you sneeze port like there was no tomorrow. Some other common misconceptions include :
- a weakend immune system makes you more susceptible to catching a cold, and
- dry air from central heating systems makes you more susceptible and
- catching a chill makes you more susceptible
So, now that you're terrified of the invading virus, how can you minimize the likelihoold of being afflicted? Choose:
A) Consume enormous amounts of vitamin C
B) Wear a garlic necklace and carry a stick to poke at any virus bearers who come near you
C) Pour Robitussin on your Cheerios every Thursday morning
D) Wash your hands frequently
The correct answer is "D", although a regimen of actions A through C will certainly not hurt your chances. Washing your hands frequently will destroy the viruses that you have acquired by touching contaminated surfaces.
You may also wish to toss your chimpanzees in the wash frequently to destroy their viruses, and don't laugh when you see Uncle Carmine.
That is all.
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