On Geography

A coworker of mine just passed me a print-out of an Op-Ed from the New York Times regarding the oath flub perpetrated by Justice Roberts on Tuesday. After reading it, I thought I would post it to the blog (who doesn't love grammar, right? Right?). However, I clicked on a link next to the article called "No Snickering: That road sign means something else." The related picture showed a road sign reading 'Butt Hole Road.' Obviously, that article was far more enjoyable.

Here's the article: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/23/world/europe/23crapstone.html?_r=1&em. It may be cold and frigid in Chicago, but at least you don't live in a cold and frigid climate in a place called Crotch Crescent or Wetwang.

Also, here is the Justice Roberts article: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/23/world/europe/23crapstone.html?_r=1&em

Geirangerfjord

I learned about this place, Geirangerfjord, after clicking through the link at the right, the New 7 Wonders of the World link. This is stuff that you might have touched on in geography class in grade school and didn't pay attention and now it's kind of cool to relearn it.

Geirangerfjord is in the southern part of Norway. It is a 9 mile long branch of the Great Fjord.

Geography class reminder: Norway is the western side of the Scandinavian peninsula; Sweden is the eastern side. Ya, Sveeden.

A fjord is a long and narrow inlet from the sea that was created by glacial movement and melt and the accompanying abrasion. Most fjords are deeper than the sea to which they are connected, and at the mouth is a sill or "terminal moraine", an accumulation of the glacier's detritus, the rock and soil that the glacier dumped at the end of its advance.

Do not despair, fellow flatlanders! Norway does not have an exclusive on this terminal moraine thing. There is a terminal moraine (but no fjord) in Marseilles, IL, in Kendall County. My vacation plans are being revised right now.

Geirangerfjord is constantly threatened by the impending collapse of the adjoining mountain, Akerneset. There is a giant crevasse, the Akernes crevasse, that has been widening at an increasing rate.

When the crevasse finally blows, there will be a landslide of 50 to 100 million cubic meters of stuff that will have ceased to be Akerneset. The landslide will cascade into the fjord and set off a tsunami 30 feet high in the fjord (yo, Lars, surf's up!) that will inundate everything its path. The inhabitants of the towns of Geiranger (population 250) and Helleslyt (population 600) will have ten minutes from that time to escape the surge of the 30 foot wall of frigid water.

The link below will take you to a Google map of Hellesylt. Zoom back, a step at a time, to get the image of how this whole fjord deal works, and how screwed the Hellesyltians are gonna be when the crevasse ruptures.

I am changing vacation plans; scratch Marseilles, IL. I want to see this place. While it's still there.
http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&source=s_q&hl=en&q=Hellesylt,+6218+Stranda,+Norway&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=50.51141,73.125&ie=UTF8&cd=1&geocode=FdFVswMd3tVoAA&split=0&z=14&iwloc=addr

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PS:

I am posting the following photo as a public service to clear up some lingering confusion about the identity of America's Team.

Millenials

There's a new demographic in town. Make room for the Millenials. Maybe just take a step back and reassess.

The Millenials are people born between 1980 and 2000. I discovered this new (to me)demographic distinction while reading a trade magazine. The story informed me that Millenials visit restaurants 40 percent more than Baby Boomers, and restaurants need to recognize and respond to "the passing of the torch to the Millenials." There are about 75 million of them.

The article proceeds to advise that restaurateurs should do a self exam, asking if Millenials relate to the brand, how often are they attracted, how can the brand be modified to attract them without alienating others, and my favorite "What do you stand for, and will Millenials believe in it?"

Now, all of you Baby Boomers, Gen X'ers, Gen Y'ers, Me Generation, and anybody who's still around from the Pepsi Generation, don't go jumping off overpasses or cliffs or whatever's handy, some of you may make the cutoff for this new Millenial thing (except the BB's and the buzzards from the Pepsi Generation, taste that beats the others cold Pepsi pours it on, you're so screwed), worrying that you're gonna be ignored while the whole world targets its marketing machines on the Millenials to kiss their apparently highly desirable econmonic asses.

This group contains people between 8 and 28, or 29, or whatever. What the hell do they have in common? Some of 'em are kids, some of 'em already HAVE kids. The idea of "do they believe in what you stand for" is simply bullshit. Do you have what they (or anybody else with two nickels to rub together) want, and can you deliver it consistently in a manner that makes them happy? Bingo, you win.

Millenials visit restaurants 40 percent more than BB's. I must ask for a definition of "restaurant". Any crapshack that serves consumables qualifies as a restaurant. Coffee bars, McDonalds, every place with a deep fryer and a heat lamp is defined as a restaurant, and The Young Millenials (sounds like a mini-series, or a soap opera) are being fed by Mommy & Daddy's cash, and The Old Millenials (this could be the name of an Octoberfest band) are running like crazy trying to make some cash, so they're grabbing and going. The point of my testy response here is that this age group has been doing this forever, and the new title isn't a revolutionary insight into abherrent or changed behavior.

So stand down, turn off the alarms, everyone back to their comfortable, familiar demographic group and resume eating, spending and as you were. The invasion of the Millenials has failed.

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Postscript:

Here's a hint, in case you missed yesterday's subtle clues, as to the identity of the real "America's Team".

Inauguration Day, One More Thing

Let there be no confusion. It's now official. The real "America's Team", just ask the President.

I've Got the Bug

I did not pay attention to any previous inaugurations, so I don’t have anything to which I can compare today. I don’t believe, however, that America has ever experienced anything quite like this. Today, I felt physically pained that I was not at the inauguration. It felt like I was missing out on something of which I was genuinely a part. He’s my President – I should be there! I felt like it was Jeff Kastel’s bar mitzvah all over again – the biggest party of middle school with all my friends in attendance, but I couldn’t go. I was so jealous today of everyone on the Mall that I could taste it. It wasn’t a bitter taste; rather, it tasted like matzah ball soup.

The inauguration of the first African American president is a big deal. However, what is astounding, and what I don’t think has been given nearly enough attention, is that today was the inauguration of a President who mobilized an entire apathetic generation. Young people started discussing politics passionately. We knew we had a voice, we just never had a reason to use it.

My dad asked me last Friday about My Plan. Ah yes, I am at that age where everyone shakes off the last remnants of the college life-style and starts making important life decisions, taking the next step, moving on and moving up. Well, I didn’t have a plan before this election season, but if I had I would have surely thrown it out the window. The campaign and election stirred many hearts but this year’s politics combined with my new-found addiction for episodes of The West Wing, have had a profound effect on me. Yes, I too have been infected with that virulent optimism and sense of social responsibility that usually only strikes before the age of 16. Suddenly, and against everything I thought I knew about myself, I want to make a difference, and not just by buying those reusable bags in the checkout line at Jewel or installing halogen bulbs in all my light fixtures!

If you don’t know me, let me be honest here. I’m pretty self-involved. Trust me, if this fever has hit even me, it means it might be an epidemic.