Adam Idol

The other television competitors have abdicated the 7:00 p.m. Tuesday time slot to American Idol. NCIS, The Biggest Loser and According to Jim, those are the shows that you weren't watching, and HBO ran some movies for the eleventeenth time. American Idol has 7 contestants remaining, and last night they were joined by Quentin Tarentino, the most creative loon in film. In the audience this night were Katie Couric and Syl from Sorpranos, who I only learned at last Super Bowl is in Springsteen's band.

Little Allison, the Wendy Hamburger/Charo girl, sang something, I don't know what, and it wasn't great, but she's always entertaining, visually and vocally.

Following Allison was Adam Lambert singing Born to Be Wild. The song was first recorded 40 years ago. It's a musical icon. It's a song that was done about perfectly the first time, in 1968, by Steppenwolf. This guy Lambert absolutely lit the place on fire with it, overdid it, overacted, overscreamed the ending, and still gave a fanstastic performance, leaving everybody smiling. Give Adam the big trophy right now. Nobody else in the 7 is in his league. Allison Wendy Charo will probably finish second, and she won't be anywhere near Adam Lambert. My investment consortium has wagered on him at 3:2, and that is money in the bank.

Matt, the guy from Michigan who wears that goddamned hat all the time, sang Bryan Adams' next. He played nice piano. Matt in the Hat performed like a Bryan Adams tribute act. At this juncture, Matt is there just to keep the others company. I would enjoy him performing in a bar or a Vegas lounge, but he's not gonna be your next American Idol.

Matt isn't leaving 'till Anoop is gone, though. I'm writing this as I watch the show last night, and I've already forgotten that Slumdog sang second. It was pleasant, his performance, whatever it was that he sang, and as I have just proved, it was eminently forgetable. Bye, Snoopy, nice seeing you and enjoy the summer tour, 'cause you're voted of the island tonight, unless Matt the Hat is where it's at.

Chickflick Danny sang next. I think I would like Chickflick Danny if I knew him. Watching him perform, on the other hand, makes my colon hurt.

Chris is performing next. Excuse me, his name is Kris. Kris Allen. Do you think they could kick three or four of these guys off and have Adam Lambert compete against himself? You could vote for Adam One or Adam Two or Three. Kris sucked, the song sucked, and when he contorted his face in a shot at an emotional ending, my colon and I felt a twang of reminiscense for Chickflick Danny. Break time!

Lowes is the big sponsor tonight (along with Ford, all the time Ford). Next comes the Lowes commercial that has millions of flowers marching through the parking lot and down the street. Tell the truth, don't those commercials make you uncomfortable, like it's a scene from an alien movie where the plantlife takes over the world? Quentin Tarrantino could make that movie.

Last singer, Lil Rounds, performing The Rose. Sucked, again. Lil sang the song as screwed up and confused as I have ever heard it sung, throwing out melody in favor of trills and runs, and it was disastrous. She can only sing one style, and it hasn't been happening for weeks. Paula offered some incomprehensible bit of observation, Simon slammed the performance, the audience booed Simon, it was like a little slice of WWF. Lil fought back, arguing that she tarted up the song with R&B and gospel, that she was an artist. All things considered, the performance sucked.

Show's over, just a couple of minutes late. I wish we had got on Lambert before the odds on him went down to +150 ( 3:2 ), but that's a lot better price than today, when he was -235. Chickflick Danny is +280, followed by Allison at +1,000.

I think we should get a price on a match-up between Danny and Allison. Please, Margaret, inform my broker. There is more money to be made on American Idol.